Wow lots to think about. Hmmm. I think I'm understanding his reactions a bit better now. When you are trying your utmost, it's very irritating to feel like someone is nitpicking. I understand that and I hope he understands my pov as well. But I'll try to go easy on suggestions etc lmc if that's possible for me haha. 

Interesting. Quite a crazy life he leads but he seems like the good sort. Heh. Sometimes it's hard to know what all people may have dealt with, but I guess with time and effort you can figure it out and slowly the pieces do come together and make sense. 

At times I do wonder who he is underneath those layers. Like is he always just charged up or does he have softer emotions too. He is so manly at times that I find it intimidating, but I guess a part of that is also cuz I'm a bit girly and soft on the inside even though on the outside I have a hard shell. Like a coconut with a marshmallow centre I was once told and I think that's apt. Wonder why he thought I'd know about his opinion of S, I don't sneak watch stuff lol. Did he think I do? Lol. You don't know me at all huh? I think the last I saw was a bit of tennis when I accidentally clicked and even that was around 5 ish mins. Well okay, I did see that a lil so maybe he noticed or something.

Heh, don't be fooled by my softness or my affection, I do not dilute my principles or act in shady ways and I have never once sought to be deceitful nor will I ever. Plain and simple. 

One time, my friend asked me to post a letter when we were kids which I forgot. I returned the same to her unopened 15 odd years later. I do not spy on people ever. Which is why so many people actually trust me openly and willingly, and have for years. Maybe you are used to people who may behave in underhanded ways, I do not know. I am simply not one of them. All I know of you, and will ever know of you is what you choose to tell me. One day you might understand that about me. 

Lol. I've never had this point of contention with anyone in my life, in that noone has ever questioned my principles or even vaguely presumed I would be deceitful even in the smallest of ways. Whatever. I'm not here to prove my value to anyone, you either see it or you don't. I choose to believe that people with a good lens and who are good judges of character will see that about me implicitly. And I'm going to stop taking these things personally. I think maybe I do that about certain things and he probably didn't mean it that way at all, same as I don't at times and he takes them personally. Haha. Both of us are maybe very hyper alert to protect our sensitive sides. It takes talent to also poke at each others' without meaning to, but what is life without some random stunt we all pull. But yes, if I say I trust him, then I have to back that up by not being overtly sensitive and just ascribe the worst intentions to him. Better to be calm and not react in the moment.

He opened up a little today and talked about stuff honestly though. I think that may not be easy for him and I'm glad he felt comfortable enough to do so. I feel like it's sometimes hard for him to relax cuz he has to think of every outcome or possibility and he keeps weighing that in his mind all the time. Hehe. It'll be good if he finds a way to just relax and feel at ease tbh. I also feel centered when I know I'm trusted to be honest so it just feels peaceful.

Anyway, the rest of the discussion was actually quite interesting. It's good to know he is invested in keeping himself safe and isn't just powering through on pluck alone. Still, I would definitely like to see him become healthy soon. I know how debilitating it was to have an injury all year and how mentally frustrating it is to constantly have to manage it. Whether or not chronic, it still just sucks to not have peace cuz you'll forever be atleast slightly annoyed when in pain and taking pills constantly will also be bad. So hmmm. Well, gotta do the best. 

Aaa and I'm so damn hungry dayum. Didn't take a shower yet too ugh. Cycling is funnnnn. I wanna do 100km wish it became a bit cooler. I'll do it on the indoor one next weekend otherwise fuck it.