I feel like I've lost my liking for people, esp dramatic ones. I used to see this same trait in a lot of adults when I was a kid and now I also am slowly getting it. Esp backstabby people. I remember someone giving me this entire lecture on how to navigate friendships and learning as you go. I ended up choosing friends based on stupid shit. And I guess I was a bit of a doormat. Even now. I don't hate M, but at the same time... I kinda feel sad that I didn't prioritise myself earlier. Should have just walked a couple of years ago. Or atleast kinda kept her at a distance. The way she declined to take any accountability for her bfs actions and her own. It wasn't even surprising for me, I just knew that's how it'll go and it'll end up. And the way people just go no you, no you. That kind of deflection is so telling. No accountability just deny and then try to argue and blame shift. Earlier, I used to not want to deal with that behaviour. Now I'm just like yeah fuck you. And like... The irony of all that behaviour never ceased to amaze me. She moved into her sister's home, her sister's husband made room for her, and she claims sister is using her to take care of her child. She would keep nitpicking A also, who is such a good guy. How do you lack loyalty towards your own siblings to this extent. The irony of being an aunt petunia who sits around pretending that the sister is bad all because everyone likes her and this one is jealous. Seeing that trait had always made me wary, it's very backstabby. And come to think of it, she keeps trying to devalue everyone in her life but also clings to them. What a horrible person to have in life. I can't imagine hosting my brother in my house for years and then him hating me while chilling in my house. What a vile thing to do. It's so ghoulish.
I used to try and be understanding. The honest truth is that I've always seen her entire personality just revolve around the idea of being some victim in every scenario. She says stuff like... Mum and sister brainwashed me before college then my personality became weak etc. For idiotic conversations that every household has with their kids before uni. And every kid forgets by week one of the new semester. I also used to feel bad cuz her resentment of her sister is just rooted in feeling like she was overlooked. So like accepting blame would mean having to actually accept that if people dislike her it's cause her behaviour is what alienates them. But like who tf clings to this bullshit in adulthood. It's all just so stupid man. Like take some responsibility for your own shit, come on!
And now I'm like yeah fuck you to hell dude. Marrying into families that make money from prostitution, having affairs with dudes whose wives are planning babies and dealing with miscarriages. How can you be this vile and not feel any guilt? None whatsoever? The casualness with which she shared that had knocked me sideways. It was like it didn't even matter to her. And all the time she kept claiming he keeps coming on to her. Then asking him to send sweets when his baby is born. What a truly unholy, demented person you gotta be for this to be your reality. It was scary for me cuz I just end up distrusting the world more and more. The idea that some woman like her enters my marriage is beyond fucked up for me. Feel like crossing myself at the very thought good lord.
After all this I still tried to do the right thing from my pov tbh. I knew she would hate me for it, but I felt like her bf is so toxic and such a user that I should say it. I just didn't want it on my conscience that I could warn that person and I chose not to. In the end, idk if it was right or wrong but whatever. I don't regret saying it. If your partner is so nasty that someone who has had your back to 17 years decides to not see you, and you don't even apologise then that's just wild. I guess I was just like that ex she uses for attention. Halfway through the conversation I realised wow I don't ever want to be around folks who don't take responsibility. Esp when you tell them someone did something wrong and they just try to blame you for it or act as if it's not a big deal. That's a huge red flag. I should have seen that when she kept meeting that married guy and then saying oh he only comes and oh he threatened me etc. Lame asf.
Funny thing is I don't know if I'm even angry. How does one be angry when the person behaves in such a predictable way? Complete dog shit, that's all it was. This kinda shit and all the nonsense she said esp comments about my aunt's passing were absolutely crazy and vile. I don't think there's any forgiving that ever. Meh. She can crawl into whatever gutter she wants, honestly. I hope one day life teaches her the lesson she so clearly deserves to learn. Some people genuinely need that, and she is one of them. Life needs to give people like these one tight whack to get a good hard reality check. Hope it happens sooner than later.
~
After today, I do not want to think of this person ever. Good to just get it all out of my system.
Donezo. Samapti. Swaha.
