Grateful

 Daniel Korn

This song feels like dying. Like the peace that would maybe accompany it. Like flowers just bobbing their heads for the wind 🌬️, just be.

 Even this child could coach me omg that BH is so clean oof. What a talent

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbIl2IfMpMt/?stkn=MXNjeTE2cng3a3Nuag==

One hander 😤💪🏼

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I love seeing how talented some people are, honestly just feels great. The world would be a lot nicer if people focused on doing better than wanting others to do better tbh. Hope that day comes about sooner than later. 

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Oh what a joy it is to play a game and come away thinking oh la la so well I played only got analysis to tell you it was total dog shit. Lol. 😆 Stupid computers.

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I think I'll start Zarathurstra. Can't believe I gave away my only copy to that dude and he never returned it. Sheesh. The only vengeance list I have consists of people who whacked my books and never gave them back. Heathens! 

Overcast today too. Must be something in chennai tbh. Feels super drained. The second day of periods has started feeling like this in the last few years. Tragic. 

Have so much stuff to finish today ooh la la. Better get on it. 

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Heh. Everytime I open twitch there's a mention of some woman lol. Life blatantly just telling me to exit ♾️. I shall heed the advice. Not like I'll ever trust him anyway so meh. Mid day twitches, no pun intended. I'll just unfollow so no notifs ever pop up.

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Bit nervous about the deadlines looming up. Funny thing about success. It's not so much the success part that's intimidating, it's more the negatives that come with it that are annoying. Hmmm. Anyway. I like working hard. I think it's the best, most therapeutic thing to do lol. 

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Also, why is my rating in the shitter. Where is Sadler and his cool analysis? Where be magnus s games? Omg I gotta watch one of his older TT streams. My rating just jumps up post that purely through love for the thinking lol. What a totem I need to bind myself to, in order to play well. Yt streams. A total oops. 

Warli

I am mesmerized by this artform. My love for symmetry finds a home in stick figures 

Always fun to have periods arrive in the dead of the night. Oof. Le uterus rebels at 3.45

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Stomach be hurtin bad. 

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Whew. Cold morning, lots of fun to play. Found a good player too so that was excellent. I really enjoyed backhands today maaan. So damn good. When the ball just swings through the air it feels soooooo nice. Swishhhh. And we did those half court rallies that just go on instinct and I enjoyed that a lot. I really hope I can pair up with some good players and improve more cuz wowza what a game! And now my uterus is acting out again so back to status quo. 

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Ai yai. My stomach is hurting so damn bad. 😞

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Someone gimme chocolate I'm too hurty to go get it 😭😭

Finally finishing Rooster. Hmmm. He says this thing about feeling like he never belonged anywhere and I found the one line he says that I related to. Heh. For large parts of my life I used to feel like an outsider looking in. With everyone. Maybe it's cuz noone made me feel like I mattered to them. I suppose that's why I was so cut up when M also told me he didn't wanna talk to me. I recall asking him if I was such a horrible person and how he made me feel like some asian girls he would ask his friend to hit to get experience. Lol and he just didn't care. I don't even recall what he did. Probably just spammed some status update or something. Whatever. I'm over all that now, but the fact that someone made me feel so bad and never gave a fuck was quite eye opening. 

But my bad. I should definitely not have given him any attention or care, I should have simply moved on to someone else who would have. Or just generally moved on. Which I did eventually but yeah. It's on me for not having done it sooner. Anyway. A bitter lesson learnt I suppose.

Funnily enough, ending my equation with that other M hasn't bothered me this much. I've known her for soooo long, but I was honestly just so done in my mind that even saying hello was a drag. It's also cuz I genuinely see her as a bad person now. I'd have settled for atleast an apology from her but even that was so pathetic. Just devolved into her arguing like a moron. 

And sadly as much as I wish to, in my heart I don't hate the dude. It's not even naivety, I suppose I reserve that  kinda negativity for a person only when they do something irreversibly damaging. Lol. I guess even during that time, a lot of my own issues surrounding the past were surfacing so I don't hold him accountable for that. Him triggering it isn't his fault. Which is maybe why I don't hate him lol. Yeah. I guess I don't. I stay away, which is a good decision for me. Because I want the door only to be open for people who treat me well. I will never compromise on that here on out. If he wanted me in his life, he should have treated me well. But it's not like a person who doesn't wish to is someone I automatically dislike. I simply choose to leave them behind. I suppose that's a complex thought, but it's just my way of being fair. I guess I only dislike people when there's a mismatch in values to a point where I cannot really ignore it. Otherwise it's just neutral. Like 😐 

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Maybe he hasn't shown me his shitty sides so I am being generous for no reason lmao. I've often fallen prey to that. Anyway, who knows and who cares. Eff it all. One doesn't need every question answered, we can simply turn to other, more interesting questions. I am a very cautious person so I know I have my back and I'll manage my life just fine. And do right by myself. So it's chill. And I've always known great guys tbh. So like I trust in that too. 

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Anyway. I consider all this a fresh start. I look forward to life becoming more sorted and I'm very clear that I only wish to spend time on folks who bring the right kind of energy, ethics and vibe in my life. It makes me feel free and happy rn tbh. Hopefully it all pans out well. Until then why not just have fun and chill. 

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Onwards to griping about rain again. Maaan don't ruin tomos play pls. PLS. OMG. Just as I'm getting good that too. I don't want stupid breaks. Ugh. Maaaan. DO NOT RAIN. 😭

Early mornings are the best. When the world sleeps in. Like midnight. Basically, whenever everyone is asleep is a good time. 

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Stupid rain cancelled my stupid class and no stupid wall in my building court to play either 😭

I woke up so early all in vain. 😭😭😭😭

Oh great now twitch showing me notifs I bet it's this guy playing too. Rubbing salt in wounds 😐

Stupid early mornings. 😕

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It's barely midday and it feels like suuuuch a long time has passed oof. Hehe. So much I seem to have griped already. 🥳. Good good. 

What's with the midnight rains and now midday rains? Weird. Always welcome, but also just rain rain rain. 

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Watching Rooster and I'm just shocked at how flippant they guy is. Having a baby with some grad student then going back to wife. It's just. How are people so irresponsible? 

That's crazy dude. All of it. 

But great show otherwise. I just feel like a lot of these shows are so not relatable to me though. I wonder if it's a reflection of status quo for people these days. But whatever it is, this is absolutely not for me. There's always this tinge of broken sadness that underlines them which I do not get at all. I'm so very old school. Is there no place in the world for that? 

Interesting reviews from peeps for this. A lot of them do not like it haha. They think it's saccharine. Wow. I found it anything but. Like yeah it's meant to be heartwarming but it's just broken relationships so what's warming about that? Lmao this confirms my belief that I'm way too old school. 

Up bright and early. I'm an early bird now oh my goodness. How very chirpy of me. Feels great! 💯 

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I miss that I'm not playing today though. But otherwise in a zoomies mood rn. What a remarkable change just daily playing has wrought. I'm glad. 

Now onwards with the day! 

All the noise today is bothering me. It's just been so loud outside.

I'm thinking of going off for a trek but going alone might not be a good thing idk. Things women have to think of for themselves. 

And I have to begin that brandon sanderson book as well zomg. His books are so huge. I honestly still haven't figured out why people love him so much. I really must. Maybe it's just more for boys tbh. Lmc. That man's work ethic is top notch. And he seems really good at teaching the craft too. Yet I drag my feet with mistborn. 

What's with 3 am thunder and rain? Weather has changed so much this past decade. I don't recall rains past midnights ever. Atleast morning will be cool. 

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Bumness, I wish I could fall asleep rn

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What fun thing can I do today? I feel like going out or something. But then the idea of travel is so exhausting lol. I'll end up seeing rooster. Ugh. Maybe a run later. It's been ages since I ran must have ruined my stride who knows. Adulthood is just juggling every moving piece if one stays up other goes down. What a bun! 

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I hung both my rooks in one move. After hanging queen. Just genius. Pure class. I am sucking too much rn. 

When is WCC I wonder. I hope Guks comes back into form. All this Sindarov hype is making me root for Guks even more lol. He seems like such a good dude on top of that. Both of them do. In a few short years the entire landscape of chess has changed. I barely even follow any events now. Just doesn't feel fun 

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Where be the good chess. Magnus come backkk

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Why does Saturday not feel like Saturday? I am restless. Where be the entertainment?

 5 am cold weather. Yummy. 

For some reason I just recalled a time years ago when I'd tell people jokingly to not bother me else I'll sit on their face and omgggg. 😭😭😭😭

It just struck me now what that implies omgggg. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ugh. 

I used to be a pristine person, untouched by filth. Look at me now. Knowing all this. 😕

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And you know what it's everyone else's fault tbh who tf sits on someone's face anyway what a vile thing to do yuckky. Everyone is yukky.  

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Imma see another ep of Rooster. Surprisingly sweet show. And such nice writing. I feel like dysfunctional dynamics have replaced the staple happy groups of people shows that used to be the norm. It makes me uncomfortable to watch them cuz I'm always looking for some redemption or happy ending. See even happy ending is a double entendre. Ugh. I yearn for the good ol times where it only meant something in my wholesome. Cheers to Steve Carrell for being such a fine actor. I think my fav rom com is Crazy Stupid Love which seems a bit similar to Rooster' premise. He was so good in that. Even Lil Miss Sunshine. And now that I think about it... They are all movies with a heart tbh. 

I could not hit forehands just. Whyyyyy. Ugh. Frustrating asf. Let's see joining my building group for tennis too, I can atleast get there early morning sometimes. No mo sun for me 😬 😎

I really wish to be really good tbh. That'll be so nice once I break that threshold. Looking forward to getting better. My movement is a lot more flexible now. It's so difficult to switch from running to this start and stop thing. I'd snuck a peek at this fellow also a while back and kept seeing his legs like a creep 🤣🤣. He is so cat like just shuffle shuffle. But yeah. Following some coaches also. It's soooo interesting tbh. And my backhands were absolutely on point today like such fire omggg. I loved that smooth sailing curvy shot smaaaack on the line. 🔥

Maaan. I'm happy rn. Just smiling to myself thinking of racquet swings. I wish I had stuck to tennis throughout adulthood tbh. Oh well. Bettah late than nevaaa! How would shakespeare say it? 

Hark! Though the dial count the lagging day,

And tardy foot doth mock the punctual sun,

Yet better late than leave the deed undone.

For never-coming brings a bootless gray,

Whilst tardy bloom outshines the tomb of day.

Hahahah. Bootless gray. Lmao. This grudging respect I feel for this bard I have mocked for his floral language is pinching me a Lil bit. 

Those were simpler times, when I could pretend his verbosity was like an overly iced cake. Unnecessarily elaborate. But alas, it is I that was the fool. And gladly I wear my dunce cap now. 🧢 

Oh and I have to wash my cap also it smells yuckky. 🤮 

Lol people spamming on building group about errors and transparency in accounting . I now get why so many peeps wish to be involved in the management, never realised that much money was involved. That's nuts. 

Heh. Idle goss is always fun to read. Even the title. Response to malicious social media rumors lmaoooooo. Oh man. Old people and their titling. 🤌🏼

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And Lazavik just dissing everyone left and right lmao. What's going on? Hiki sucks at the game according to him 😭. On his villain arc.

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Oh man just watching some LoTR clip of Aragorn and Arwen presenting him with the evenstar and along comes a twitch notif saying mocking hahahahaha wtf. Way to flip off the moment lmaoooo. Maaan. I can't stop laughing rn.