There's always some clowns in chess who will play a piss poor game then start harassing in chat and calling you a cheater like. Jesus. How fucking lame do you need to even be? 🙄 Not even smart enough to run analysis to see how badly they played. I just hate it so much tbh.
Sheesh. People like this really irritate the fuck out of me. Ruins every game.
No creatine and I feel so much better today zero headache or dehydration. Useless substance. Good I'm ditching it.
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Man, I have to legit give some credit for some of the life changes I've made like no drinking, more discipline etc in a teeny way to M. He made me want to be more responsible. Hehe. I still remember when I first came around him and realised a few things which kinda made me want to grow up. I didn't really give a shit about anything properly before that. I suppose being responsible towards someone is a very ingrained part of my love language. Even watching him be sooooo sensitive made me feel shocked at first, but then it made me want to be sweet to him and kinda baby him lol. Not in a way where I thought less of him, but more in like... 'hey I do think well of you, why don't you see that?' Kinda way. I was fairly protective of him. And lord knows I would noooot have been that patient with anyone else.
But it's not a good thing to have to lower standards to accomodate someone's behaviour. I would not have thought highly of anyone else if they behaved like that. That's true too, I am used to people that are free and open, and honest to a large degree. I suppose that's as good a reason to have walked as the many others he presented me lol. Maybe some people come by to trigger a change in you, which can be a good thing. Changes can stick, even if you can't. Oh well. He can have a happy life with his tinder and his urge to devalue everyone I guess.
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Lol. I started the thought with wanting to give him credit but then like... Eff that. I'll change for myself and be responsible for me. 🖕🏼🖕🏼🙄🙄🖕🏼🖕🏼I'm sure his twitch girls and whoring around will suffice in that dept, no need for me to unnecessarily give any. Meh.
Yeah well. If I had ever done all the shit he did, I'm sure the hatred would have been through the roof so despite it all, I'm deffo still a lot kinder than anyone else would have been, if the roles were reversed. Ergo there's room for more spitefulness 💪🏼😁.
I just don't hate him enough, or at all for that matter. I think that's what I actually hate... That I don't dislike him much lol. Ugh. I know that this urge to poke and needle definitely means I still give a shit. Heh. Well, the day I don't, I'll simply forget him entirely. I don't yearn for that day, if I had, it would have been here already. Against my better judgement ofc. 😬
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I used to be this naive kid who felt like I should only love someone once, properly. And I refused to give my heart out to just anyone. I've never been all in towards anyone tbh. And then life happened and it taught me about my own naivety. How very sad. I hope my periods are round the corner, they are a tad bit late this time. Probably explains the urge to weep also hehe. A sprinkle of sadness which is a lie cuz it's just hormones. How I try to stand outside myself like an observer sometimes. Yeah well, I'm not very emotive irl so atleast I can keep this space for my dramatics. Noone ever knows how I feel anyway.
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And so it goes, as vonnegut had reminded us.
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Periods just arrive already pls... Being emo is a drag. And missing people also sucks ass
Up so early, had to check if I was dreaming. It's soooo cold outside I need to just be in my cocoon rn omgggg.
Shhhh world! Gniiite
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Awake again and still I'm up before my alarm goes off. 💪🏼 Birds and me. Chirp chirp chirp
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Omg tennis is love. It was such a beautiful sess my goodness me. I loved it so damn much. Ooof. I like that cone thing, easy peasy get the right shots. What a beautiful game though. Like just. Mama mia!
Every tiny bit of pain and ache and twinge has gone away. After months I feel so springy and sprightly rn. Too bad tomo it'll all come back in some shape or form.
The decision to rest and recover was a good one in hindsight though...I'm glad I took some time off. Really feels like there's an underlying adaptation process that also happens with rest. I don't feel the same set of aches again most times. Let's see if the theory holds. Hehe. Oh well. Tis what tis.
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It's morning now and it rained so much last night. Good, we needed it tbh. Miss old days here when the weather was just perfect year round.
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Yaay for good rallies. How very fun it is.
" I don't know what they are called. The spaces between seconds. But I think of you always in those intervals."
What a pretty thought, and such a lovely way to express it. And then I tried to look it up and a blog from 2008 came up. And then it said... "17 years ago." 💀
Way to ruin it, huh?
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Having said that, I guess never really realised how old fashioned my values are tbh. Just now I was thinking about something and it's kinda later in the night and I just feel this sense of affection towards that thought. Kid me was always zooping towards everything futuristic. But the now me is stable and slow underneath that urge to banter and learn new stuff etc. I like that. I'd also like to consolidate that over time. Well, time is all we have. It's a privilege to be alive. I'm glad I get to be here right now and I hope I always am. And it's a privilege to feel affection and to read the line above and know how sweetly it just fits in my life experiences, that I can both understand and appreciate it for what it is.
All my aches and pains have subsided. I wish to enjoy this 12 hours of bliss before I go play tomo and come back with a new collection of aches and pains because why not? A brief interlude, if you will.
La vie est belle, until it isn't. 😬
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How good it feels to twist and turn in any direction I please without whinging and something twitching though. Ooof.
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Oh well. Atleast I can play again, that's good.
🎉
Periods are closing in on me and giving me a craving for chocolate since the last two days. It's the only time in the month that I feel like I want something sweet. Not even sweet tbh. I hate sweet, but just that depth of cocoa 😻
And so I find myself with a slice of cake in my chopsticks, dipping it in cold milk and just marvelling at how cool Asians must be to have figured out how to eat with two sticks. They are just so damn versatile.
Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Esp for a person like me that hates touching a snack with my hand. It's just the best.
Even the dipping is just right oof.
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Life is good. Simple, no frills and sweet. Nay. Chocolatey.
Little things make me the happiest!
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Lmc clue and check how far away they be tbh. And also google luteal phase while I'm at it cuz wtf why that app throwing fancy words at me?
Who names a period tracker clue anyway? Clue to solving the 'why you crave chocolate and wish to weep while watching silly films?'
