Every day more and more nobels. Where is mine I ask you? Gimme pls

~

Andrew Garfield in my feed again man that's a lot of interviews he is doing. His description of grief actually did resonate with me though. It's interesting that he can talk about it in interviews. I don't think I can ever discuss something this personal with someone unless they were extremely close to me. I feel like it's such a personal emotion that only you have complete dominion over it. I'm very, very cagey about feelings. Although over the last few years I have made an attempt to be a bit more open. 

Heh. I still don't buy his persona though. Always thought he was super attractive but the more he speaks the less I like him now. Weird how that works for me. I have to actually like the person to swoon over them. Otherwise it doesn't do anything for me. Didn't know he was jewish either. I think I may have finally discovered that my type is Jewish men lol. Like literally all the guys I've had a crush on have been Jewish that's a wild coincidence. Oh wait not cumberbatch. See but when he speaks it sounds very much like he is being authentic.  Which is what makes him super attractive to me. Hmmm. Interesting. I guess then that means my type is authentic, witty, funny dudes. Which is cool. Yeah I like ernest speakers who have a lot of substance when they speak and share things. I love listening to someone talk so much tbh. Falling asleep on phonecalls with ak was just one of the most beautiful feelings in the world to me. 

~

The more I observe people, the more I realise how flawed we all are. And then I realise that that means I have to always love someone from a distance. A mighty sad realisation, that. Well. I haven't met everyone in this world, so let's not write everyone off. 😁

~

Let's just dive back into fishers games. Banish this garfield, get off my algo dude! 

Chink in the armour

There's a bobby fisher game that agad uploaded which had this one where white went e5 in a kings indian and bobby termed it weak. And seeing why it was weak was like a revelation. 

I recall this guy talking about a position that looked fairly regular to me and describing it as very rich and I didn't understand it then. Watching this game it made it all click. 

Holy moly how much did these folks even calculate man. I feel more ashamed of blitz now than I did 24 hours ago lol. Literally every position can be studied and here we play 40+ moves in under a few seconds. Jeez. Talk about desecrating a game man. Truly astonishing. 

And idk what it is about these older games but they just looks so much richer and more detailed to me than games today that seem very clinical. I suppose maybe it's cuz the errors happened in the opening so strong players went down the road of capitalisation quicker? Idk. Hmmm. Yet another puzzle that may be answered sometime in the future. 

~

Watched one fisher game and now I'm on a win streak lol. This is the key to chess. Inspiration. 😂

Diy race car kits. Now that's a nice gift. Esp for someone who anyway liked legos. Hmmm. I'll get em next time I have to buy a gift. 

I legit enjoy buying gifts. It feels nice.

~

An interesting commonality about satire that I'm not observing is its part absurdity part realism that makes it tick. But once you observe the formula it's like the trick loses its magic. You can appreciate the sleight of hand but you know it's just that. 🥺

~

I haven't pooped today. Why is that? 😐 

People used to tell me they poop in the evenings, sometimes at work and not mornings and I was like wuuuut. I thought pooping was strictly reserved for mornings lol. That's what I grew up believing! Now my beliefs are shattered.

Debating if I should take another pill for my hip ache. I don't know. If the anti inflammatory just blocks pain then what's the point the injury is still going to be there. Hmmm. 

One one hand it enables me to play and maybe that will get rid of the aches. On the other it'll make it worse. What to do what to do. 

~

Why did I think Anderseen Horowitz was a new name for another company? Weird. 

~

Shipping is a pain. Just finding out all these codes is so annoying truly. 

~

Evening and the entirety of my body aches lol. I wish there was a magic solution. I totally get why that guy used to complain about his ankle now this is just unreal and unrelenting haha. Fuckin tennis just giving bt always. Stupid Zverev is also world no 1. This year is just stupid. 😕

~ 

Spectating some games is so incredibly boring like how can chess be so tedious at times?

11 am seems like a lifetime away when you wake up at 6 am. Alas!

~

So much fun to squeeze out a win man. So good. Some days I love playing. That felt niiiiice.

~

It's only 2 pm. Time is crawling. 

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Everyone is getting the nobel prize. Where is mine? :(

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9 pm scrolling and it's just Andrew Garfield everywhere. He seems like a good actor but idk why I don't really like him. Weird instinctive thing...

~

I'll read the vegetarian tonight

~

And now I'm up at 3 am and restless asf

Seasons really have moved. Been raining all night. And now court is wet. I remember as a kid going to school when it rained. It used to feel like the world was enveloped in a blanket. Just wanted to rush indoors. Now I intermittently like then dislike it. It felt cozy when we were in a small town and the outdoors was kinda closer than it is now. It's soooo apartmenty where I'm at. Maybe when I retire I can just move to some small hill station and then enjoy life that way. I think that would be excellent.

Well. Indoor cycling it is for me today. 

Finished watching traitors and idk so meh. For a game that could have been super interesting it was just such a bunch of bad participants. I really want that UK season tbh. The premise of the show is so nice but why is the end result like this. Sheesh. You really need some really good participants to make it happen. Reviews say oz and Canada ones are also meh. 

Also omg it's raining outside. Oh my court! 😅

Up at 3 am and seeing a robot dance to hare rama hare krishna. The world is unreal. And the robot is super dexterous. How soon until it helps at home?

~

Mondays 😁 

~

Suddenly that rhyme hot cross buns came to me. Idk why. 

God I used to hate raisins in bread. Hot cross buns are nice though, gotta wait till Easter to get em

I have a neck sprain, hip sprain and mild fever to boot. Lol. What a spectacular way to fall apart completely. 😆

Let's read some dostoevsky just to add existential angst to all this why not? Hmmm. I think I have the crocodile loaded up somewhere lmc if I can read that. 

~

Hmmm. It was quite a nicely written story. A bit childlike but I enjoyed it too. He really does know how to interpret people. So very well. 

Stories of that era have this quality of absurdity that makes them unrelatable to me. I connect to them mentally but never emotionally. I see the overarching point but there's something so alien about them all that it kind of leaves me hanging. The one that I actually truly loved was Pushkins Queen of Spades. Now that was a total zingggg! 🎯 

Maybe I should explore more by him. 

~

Eyyyy whenever I am chilling out of the blue this stupid canon in d plays wuuut. In celebrity traitors of all the shows. Stupid song always punching in the feels. If someday I marry the love of my life I'll sneak in some earphones and play it for myself 😂. It's legit one of the few songs that just makes me emotional and gooey how very rude of it!

I don't even know any of these contestants. The premise of the show is so brilliant why aren't there normal intelligent contestants. It would be a brilliant social experiment. Ugh. Stupid canon. Taking me out of cheap thrills. I wish I could watch the UK one with Stephen Fry. Love that man! 

~

Omg now it's playing in some random yt vid wuuut. I can't escape this song today lmao ♥️ well, I'm happy, chase me always love! I love you so damn much!

~

Djoko beat Z lol. I just knew he'd win today somehow. Ggs👍🏼 

Djoko is still playing. I thought he was done for the year. Must be getting paid a lot. 

I'm ignoring everything I gotta do to just chill today. I think I'll just chess today tbh. Some games were kinda fun just chilling and playing. Shall I try for 21? Maybe I will.

I want a nice song to listen to tbh. 

That achy breaky heart song is stuck in my mind. Don't tear my heart! Haha. Tu tu tu tu tu

~

Someone put a tiny orange in a crate of orange carrots at the supermarket like a citrus impostor and it made me laugh so much. Just the other day my tennis friend put a mosambi in the ball crate and it was the same silly thing and idk why but idiocy like this has my heart.

Yet another day to bs! Yums. 

Everything hurts. This is crazy. Movement gets so restricted the minute you have aches and pains yo. Slept funny and neck is also strained lmao. Totally falling apart, aren't I?

Really gotta fix this shit asap. I refuse to allow this to be an impediment for too long. Just tired of this. And so tired of watching a ball whizz by without making an attempt to reach it when my hip hurts. Never again man. Time to take conditioning seriously. 

It's pretty hard to not be cranky when stuff like this happens tbh. 

~

I feel so defeated today like. Hmmm. Meh. Like it's annoying when the obstacle is just not a lack of will to work but rather something external. I really hate that. Hopefully it wears off. 😕

Sir Andy

 https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd8Ztafo1nT/?stkn=aTBqbWptZzVxdGpq

MOFO OMG. FUCK ME THATS SO PRETTY OOF

🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️

Mmmnaaaaan that angle is lethal whaaat 

I am floored

How very wise I used to be 😂 smiling despite myself here. Sheesh. 

I made a pivot to being childish post that time and I'm glad. I'd rather be a goof than wisdomous cuz who cares. Life is short, just enjoy the ride. 

~

I forgot that tomo is a holiday too. Not that it matters I still gotta wake up early but good to know the streets will be clear. And I wanna play hard tomo just. Need to work out properly and fuck that stupid coach who overtrained me lol. Hips also can hurt I didn't even know that 😂. I just want to be fucking good again man. Ugh. I'll do whatever it takes. Idc.  Too long, TOO LONG. 

~

Winning stuff I have no business winning. Am I complaining? Ofc. What shitty games eeyuck

~

This is gorgeous, but is it worth 5.4 lakhs? I can totally make this stuff. It's right up my alley too, the geometry, the themes. Hmmm. I think I'll give it a shot. Maybe weekends I can keep for a proper painting sess. I'm so very sure that I can create intricate pieces like this. 

Dreamt of sk of all people. Weird. Dreams I remember are always so interesting. We were travelling to some place and had to go through areas where people would be like zombies and attack with bottles and needles. Some crazy lady was chasing us through buildings and were they labs? Something like that. Like what in the sci fi dystopia was that sheesh. Dreams are weird. 

~

I recall JB saying he strives to get below 10 on centipawn loss. And then I see these other games that are wildly going on in a swing state cuz who cares let's just get the opponent. Haha. It makes me laugh lots. Just the difference in approach is so night and day. Caution vs throw caution to the winds and charge! Just soooo relentless. I suppose that's why I love Sadler too, and Magnus. They combine both these approaches in such harmony it's beautiful. Esp magnus. Every piece of his is in harmony with the rest it's just a fucking symphony man. Like nothing he does is out of sync. Ooof. What a brain that dude must have. 

~

Ugh waxing poetic for maggu and he loses to some witty dude. 💀 What a field day for that guy lol

Anytime I play in the sun I get a headache later in the day. This feels awful. Eyes hurting too. This low key sucks cuz my group is so fun I enjoy playing with them but they'll be coming later in the day and I gotta go early. 😕 I really do enjoy the camaraderie with that group, esp that one dude. Ugh. Well. Tis what tis.

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Woohoo all the teas and gifts have arrived. I'm glad. Now to repack and ship it all omg. Hope it goes there easily and he gets it easily. It's a task all this shipping and making customs forms etc. wish I could just outsource all that tbh

~

Head still pounding hours later wut man. I'm so weak. So WEAK!