Litmus

You know what the mark of a good person is?

How they behave when the chips are down.. I think this is why loyalty has been a huge requirement for me in life. Not just in the sense of fidelity but in friendships as well. The fact that you know you can trust someone to do right by you even when things are awful between you two, to have that kind of character, which many people do to be honest... Is what matters. One of the key reasons I'm friends with Di today and not with A, despite them having been childhood friends and me getting to know them from uni times is simply this. Apart from all the shitty things A did, the day she told me that she kept from Di the fact that she knew S was cheating on her because earlier they'd had a tiff when she shared something about S was something that just sealed the deal. To get vindictive with someone who was your childhood friend, whose dad helped you get your first job... Basically to attack someone when they are low just to satisfy your needs for revenge is mind boggling to me. The idea that you can do this to someone so close to you and then two minutes later be bffs with them is beyond my comprehension. And in that moment... - And this is my fault cuz there were many moments prior where she fucked me over too in similar ways - I just fully saw that this kinda person will always be harmful to you no matter what for any and every petty thing they feel is justified. Plus if someone hurts you... As Di might have done... All you have to do is talk to them and explain it, not wait it out for months for that one moment to strike them like a snake. 

I know for a fact that even if things were horrible between me and someone, I would never ever strike them in underhanded ways or even strike them at all tbh. I'd either talk to them directly, argue with them even or retreat into silence, but never something evil and never behind their backs or sell them out to others. 

My need for security in my equations simply extends to having the knowledge that people will have my back when I'm low. It's not often that I lean on anyone. Earlier I don't think I ever did, now I'm starting to be more open. But when I do express something vulnerable, it's just at that time I need to know I'm cared for. That's all. And it wins my lifelong loyalty post that too. 

I think it's a fair ask too. It's not okay to be an island that never shares their burdens, nor do I want to be detached. But as I am a rock for most folks in my life, I'd like to just know that if ever that day comes that I need someone, they'll be there. Good litmus test too.