2025

Year is ending in a few hours. I'm feeling bittersweet. But also looking forward to 2026 bigtime. This is going to be a good year, and I have a feeling I need to be prepped for all the changes hehe. Idk but I kinda just want a lot of milestones to come about this year. 🤞

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I hope the world sees more positive changes too. It's time things stopped being crazy haha. Oh well. I have a good feeling about this year, hope it's fantastic. Let's ring it in! 

 Running is joy

Holy crap magnoose is a fucking god oh myyty. Damn son, too damn good.

Finding the discipline to write is definitely hard, esp the iterations it takes to get things exactly right. More than shooting in the dark, it's the underlying insistence on getting things exactly so that really gets to me tbh. Hmmm. I'll tackle it, but also whine while I do hehe. Let's goooo

 Night after night I find it hard to sleep. 

Oh wow I did not expect that status to pop up on lichess. Gave me a start, ngl. The sheer odds of me seeing that too like rarely ever do I click on lichess lol. Crazy. 

On Christmas Eve, lichess giving jumpscares haha. 

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I want to be happy, like truly, low key... cheerful and happy all of 2026. If that means going away, then so be it. 

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 Wow this year is almost over that's CRAZY

Meddy is a fucking disappointment. Fuck yet again he decides to be an ass ugh. God.

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Interesting that Kyrgios got the most hype too. Heh... I guess kids love people like him, brash and outspoken. He really seems to be trying to make it as a tennis adjacent entertainer now. He probably will too, seems like. 

Going to see meddy tomo how fun! I like these offseason cash grab tourneys lol. Oo and kyrgios also I didn't realise he is also playing. Heh. Dunno what to think of that but ok.

Ooof. Ranveer Singh in Dhaurandhar holy moly mama mia. I have not wanted to bang someone this badly in a loooooooong time oh my godddd.  🥵🥵🥵

🙄 

Sometimes I feel like people need to be told 'Enough'. And to not be silly and/or crazy. Don't have to go to such deep lengths to fool me lol. It's weird to know someone is so deeply afraid of being judged. 

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I like the date 9th December a lot. Two of my fav people growing up were both born on this day and I've always had an affinity for this date since then. Hope they are doing fine, as well as all the other crazy peeps out there.

One step, two step

Oh man. That feeling of finally doing the things you were afraid of is so damn good. I feel like I waited half my life for that first step haha. And now I'm thrilled. So thrilled ugh. And it was easy. Took me so long to build up the courage and now I finally have. Feels like a milestone. 

Some nights I find it very hard to sleep, so restless I feel. Esp on days I don't go out and get some fresh air. Strange. Feel like sitting outside for a while. I do like how the corridor is always so windy and nice at nights. Very soothing. 

Rozalia

 Ooooh

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=dXqS5q3EsNw&si=bLQgz_EBdm2T14C-

Wow. New artists can make music woohoo

Trust my lichess to glitch in that one specific way always lmao. I cannot even. Iss so odd, huh? 

Haha.. Universe just keeps on giving me fingers I feel . Ai ai ai

Verses, Curses

Poetry was never my thing growing up, too refined for my tastes. But there were a few that captured me and held me in their verses. Far from 

Two works that always stayed with me. One of which, I carried around in my wallet for years and years. 

Always prized freedom above all, things changed, views changed. I no longer equate freedom with being free of bonds and connections, nor does the idea of being responsible scare me. 

And the latter... Haha... I loved it so! Tyger tyger burning bright. Heh. I recall wanting to quote this to someone then deciding against it cuz it's so corny too lmao. But who cares, I am corny maybe. I like being so. 

Orange flames that flash past were my first vivid visualisation. Naruto had a similar will of fire which I subsequently loved. Tiny concepts held within art. 

Ugh. Even now as I read this line... " And when the stars threw down their spears ". Like. Fuck sooooo damn... POETICCCC. ARGH. 

I love words man. I love them deeply. 

December has too much food ugh. Feels so stuffed. 

Also, why tf is my neighbour upstairs running around at night lmao. I don't want to tell him to stfu but it's so annoying. Lmao. I'm becoming like the cranky adult that's irritated at minor inconveniences haha. Awesome. 

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Oh man. The cyclone has really turned the weather crazy, raining at fucking 1 am like how does that even happen. Sheesh... I'm super duper coldddd

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Ooo I've to look up Hanukkah dates for the year. I'll wish M, it'll be nice to. I wonder if she celebrates it properly. Will find out. 

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Music on days like these feels so great. I'm so annoyed that lastfm just started asking for random data, now I can't curate my listening sheesh. Oh well. Oops.  

Dream journal

What a strange dream. Petting a baby snake and it curled up in my arm, bit me and slept off lmao. It was cute but also not harmful like a puppy that nips. Except it was a 🐍. Maaaan, dreams are so fascinating. I actually just love it when I remember them. It didn't even do anything to me, it just wanted to sleep and I wasn't scared either, just a slight discomfort made me realise it bit otherwise nothing. Like I knew it was friendly. Haha. Maybe I saw that vid of Steve Irwin and was rehashing that lol. Well, either way, it was interesting. 

I'm 2k rapid. And it didn't really take much effort tbh. Hmmm. Interesting. So long breaks with bullet help hahaha. Ugh. I don't feel any sense of satisfaction though just feels like yeah ok big deal it's not a high rating. Plus I'm barely thinking even now, just a bit here and there. 

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I'm not enjoying it at all tbh. Unless it feels like a challenge and not just blundering stupid pieces it's just not fun. I suspect it won't be fun until much later tbh. Even seeing 25ks just feels like meh this isn't great. 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

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I did love seeing Howell play though. That fucker is 27k fide like fucking unreal lmao. Ughhhh. 

I'm not enjoyinggggggggg. 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

There are times I simply don't understand people. And then I find myself at this weird juncture wherein I wonder if saying what's on my mind would be the right thing to do. 

I see my friend telling me she has never shed a tear for a guy, and she used to laugh at her friends that did. And I'm baffled at how someone who is a divorcee says that. Putting that together with a lot of her other statements I'm just stuck thinking wow she is so immature and so irresponsible. Like that's it. And whatever weird fantasy world she constructs to justify her actions, at the end of the day I see it as a way to keep herself safe but also something that makes me feel sad for her. This isn't even living, it's just hiding in perpetuity. So that leads me to feel like going hmmm. Let her be in that world. It's maybe not for me to meddle in it. I know that I've distanced myself a lot. I can't stand her bf, that guy is such a loser. His stupid high pitched voice perpetually looking for ways to belittle everyone. Fuck. Lmao. God how how howww does she pick such losers yaaa. Which then makes me not want to engage with this again. What's the point anyway. I suppose one must just say to each their own and leave it at that. 

Sad it is, but in the end one has to grow up. 

Fuck yo. Marrying someone and not even being sad it ended is such a terrible thing to do like why would you marry that person in the first place. Sheesh. It's funny that a lot of people simply don't see that they are the problem. You have to grow up and fix yourself man. Not just blame the world all the time. 

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Meh. Screw it. Time to simply focus on myself and what I want. 

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Oooo can also be uoooo. Hooo newwww

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Can't believe this year is over that's CRAZYYYY

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Following London chess classic is so nice. I like how Sadler was soooo into discussing lines that he completely forgot to interact with people from start to end hahahahah. Fuck he just realised it now after 2 hours 😂. Oh man, I really like this, I admire the passion and dedication, I really do. 

Tbh, even I hadn't realised he didn't say anything to anyone cuz  I was so engrossed in following the games and lines. That was great!  Hehe. And now, time to sleeeeeppp 💤😴

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Imma listen to lambada again then snooze tomo will be such a long daaaayyyyy!!