Yawns

I can't believe this week is already gone what the fook. Helping with wedding shopping etc has made the time simply zoop by. And I legit do not enjoy it at all. Hahah, suffer through it is more like. Oh well. I've never enjoyed attending any either, it just feels so boring. Even my own friends' weddings where I had to emcee lol. I can't believe I used to be totally up for that. It was fun to get people to laugh along from the stage though. All those aunties asking me if I've done it professionally. That was a riot! 

Ugh. But these uber traditional ones zomg. No thank you! Old ladies consider it their birthright to come ask you when you planning to marry like brother! 

~

Trying to struggle through these dan pikey comics and I fail to understand why they are so popular. It's so simplistic, I get it's on purpose but still. The level of reading has lowered over time. It makes me sad. I always thought progress meant upwards and onwards but this just is the opposite of that. 

~

It is may already wuuuut. Why, why, why?

~

I am BORED

And there's thunder. Long overdue! Thank heavens! We need the rain!

~

Welp. It barely rained nvm. 

Some days I find my mind boggling at the kind of stuff people say and do and how it almost never strikes them as weird. 

 

I never react in the moment but later on it all stays with me. And then I don't particularly know how to react again. 

This weekend, M let slip that her ex had a baby, and he wanted to send her sweets. Then she said his wife had had prior miscarriages. And I was just sat there thinking wow. Like. You were having an affair with a dude whose wife was having a miscarriage? Multiple ones I think she said. Or maybe I misremember. And she she told me she thought there must have been something wrong cuz they hadn't had a baby for so long, and asked him how come he hadn't told her. 

At the time I heard it all, and after she left it's all been sinking in like what in the world. What the actual fuck. How... HOW can you expect someone to tell you their wife is losing a baby and how are you just sitting there discussing it like it's some mild info. What kind of a fucked up person can you be to be inserting yourself in that marriage and now just so nonchalant. Fuck dude. It's scary to me how divorced some people can be from their actions. I don't get it at all. She is beyond any help, honestly. 

~

I'm not going to spend more time and energy on any of this any longer, but I just want to take a moment to let the wtf feeling go away. 

I feel so bad for that guy' wife. I really do. Imagine sending your mistress or whatever the fuck she is rn sweets. So scummy. I am very, very disturbed and uncomfortable with this. It's a man's job to be loyal to his partner and protective of his wife, but women like these are no better. If the kids ever find out, it'll be so sad. Yuck. Right in this moment, I purely loathe these people. 

~

My dislike and aversion to marriage was rooted in seeing my folks being stuck in a toxic dynamic, but I never realised how much worse it can all be. I feel bad for kids who need to bear the burden of the fuck ups of their parents. I'm so, so, so sorry for them. I promise to never compromise on my love and my protectiveness towards my family, and I pray I only end up with someone who feels the same love, responsibility, and protectiveness towards me. 

As much as I have cared for M all these years, these few years have shone a light on such gross traits that I do not know how to come to terms with them. I suppose I have to find a way to stuff these thoughts into a box and pretend it doesn't exist. 

I am so sick of discovering such shitty ugly faces of the world man... I really am. I hate it from the bottom of my heart. 

I find myself craving a nice cold tart orange. Yums. How do people not love citrus? Ooof. 

There's something so lovely about it, esp when it's hot outside and you take one out the fridge. Absolutely divine. It's the best 3 pm snack ever! 

Funnily enough, even all the scents I prefer have blood orange essence listed as a core ingredient. I remember doing an analysis of all fragrances I prefer and ones that lacked this smell I didn't like. Even my senses are consistent in their loyalty. 😁 🤭

This makes me happy ngl. 

~

I should start playing long time controls. I feel a sense of dread about that already zomg. Have to take time and think, oh the horror! Eeyuck.

~

Even my run is done now what's my excuse? Ugh. Hehe. I really doubt I'll play today but let's see! 

Craving that orange even more now. Am I low on vit c? 💀

Finding it so hard to wake the fuck up today. Eyes are refusing to open. Am I sick? What's with all this slowness? 

~

Have a lot to do today. I feel some nice change in the air, which feels good ngl. 

~

Going to put cold cucumber on my eyes. Just to feel fancy and wake upppppp. 

~

Ugh. Everytime I see this person lose I get annoyed. Well, good thing is it wakes me up hahah. Annoyance is the key to alertness. So frustrating. 

Hehe maybe that's why I was like a chershire cat this weekend, nothing to be annoyed at so got lazy. Oh fuck that's actually it huh? Hahahha. Locus of drive is external. I see, I see.

~

Records | Sub 2 🥇🏅

....I suppose are meant to be broken.

Sub 2 broken and done twice the same day. What in the world dude. What a debut and still came second. Oh boy. And Kiptun's old record broken too! All in the same rac! Jees. Insane what the human body and mind can do. 

How TF does someone run a 10k in just under half an hour!!! Zomg. I cannot.

The mind is boggling!! Endurance sports have my deepest respect.

~

And here I sit, just tired out from doing nothing of note this weekend except waking early. Hehe. Running has this wonderful feeling of vanishing all dumpy, lazy feels. Consecutive days without kinda end up making days feel drummy and strange. There was a time when I used to look for weekends to unwind but now I prefer days where I follow a routine post chilling tbh. I look forward to it, it makes me happy. That's so fucking adult it makes me low key laugh at myself. I've always yearned for that though, to look forward to things I wish do spend time on, as opposed to being stuck doing things I dislike.

We bitched about D and one of M's friends too. It dawned on me how absolutely trash D is. 

After a long, long time I spent a lot of quality time with M. In the moment it felt good. I have always held so much love for her, that it felt nice after a shit ton of time to just be in a peaceful space with her. Without her stupid loser bf lol.  I think he is the problem everytime. Her friend compared him to her own husband who is yet another deadbeat and M was looking at me to maybe say nay he isn't. I just couldn't bring myself to do so. 💀. I wouldn't have cared if the guy was nice but hmmm. Well, everyone has to pick the path they want in their lives. What to say. 

Que sera sera. Always falling back on thee. 

~

I've been fairly silent all day, it's like I'm just recalibrating from talking all weekend lol. Strange, I enjoy writing but actually talking has become a lot less for me. Or rather, being silent has become a lot more common for me. What a turn! 

Old lichess app is phased out. I feel sad about this ngl. :( I do not like changing looks on apps don't modernize my tech pls. 

Wow a weekend of pure chilling. Hehe. It feels nice to take a break from the daily routine. Feels good. Lying around scrolling reels like kids. Found a pop up market, bought stupid shit, ate rolls and momos and then watched documentaries. Tried fixing cooler, got dust everywhere.

What a silly day, I loved every minute of it. I'm tired in the best way today

Finally in bed... The day was so nice... I love just sitting around talking and playing quizzes. It's so nice and chill. Girls day is always so fun. The only thing that will make it better is if it could just rain a bit and turn down the temperature.

It's like I'm up at the crack of dawn. Waiting for my friend to arrive, why is she up so early? Lmao. I envy morning people cuz I know it's a superpower. I feel like even if I went out for a walk I'll fall asleep on one of the benches at the park. Oi oiii. I love snoozing!

~

Oo I can finally watch project hail mary today that's nice. 

Impostors

Bocelli putting up some chess pic and captioning it as a serene fucking game made me laugh lots. People just bullshit, esp when it comes to chess I feel.  I could be wrong and he could be a superlative player but honestly caption smelt like ass. Tell me you don't actually play without telling me you don't play. 

If you haven't rage quit and questioned your existence while looking at a game you are NOT a chess enthusiast. No way! 

Old man woling. 

~

Got 2k back now I must quit. 

You know... I should have someone to scold me and then I'll listen to them lol. Hehe. I actually somewhat like it when a person cares about me enough to tell me don't do this once in a while. I actually end up listening also. 

I am still awake. On the plus side, I found a really cute gift for my friend I'm sure she will be pleased. I know I am. It is just so adorable. I love giving gifts, I think it's one of my love languages. 

On the other hand it's 5 am zomg. I am going to be soooo groggy today. I cannot sustain late running I need to change this oh boy oh boy. Daily gripes and grumbles

Why am I 1900 jesus wth am I doing. Somedays it's like this rut where you feel like you are in quicksand. 

Ugh. If I reach 2k today I'll quit bullet tonight for the rest of the year. 😤

~

Well, dubov's lying in bed and beating Sindarov 3-0 lmao. Atleast someone's got the skill to do something fun. Hahah. Chess players are so weird. I find him kinda cringe but this instance is low key funny esp as he is destroying Sindarov. Good stuff. 

~

Post run wheezing is doing a bit of a number on me. I should take a leaf out of this fellows book and atleast sleep well before I work out and you know... Generally make responsible choices. Lol. Irresponsible towards others but atleast with himself he isn't haha. Ok shoo fondness. Begones 🤺. Ayyoo this emoji changed oh noooo. I liked that earlier angle with was more en gaurde. Hmmmfff. 

~

It's so hot imma dance in my underwear. To imase Night Dancer. Or maybe.... Hmmm. JUST A BOYYY... LOL. something clubby cuz I wanna dance dance dance. Woot woot🙌🏼

~

Music and dancing can just be pure joy. Hehe, maybe I just like jumping around. That is probably it. I WANT MY 2K BACKKKK.

~

Hours later and I'm in bed and I can just think of U2s Sweetest Thing. 

What a cute song. 

She won't catch me, or break my fal! 

~

Why you a raincloud? 

Meh. You know what? Be what you want to be, I'll just get an umbrella if I must.☔ 

~

This song makes me smile so damn much. Sleepless in bed and my toes are wiggling. 

Du du du du

Du du du duuoooo

OOO and the scientist came on hehe. Sometimes coldplay is nice. Spent so much time doting on them. Parachutes. 

Watching the Lichess recap and I have nothing but immense respect for Thibault as well as Theo. I've seen first hand amount of bugs and patches he reviews and his work ethic is immense. There's certain traits I've always looked up to, and this form of idealism combined with ethics is something I deeply admire. Was such a pleasure listening to him rn. 

Godspeed yo, I hope we have more and more people like this in the world. Heh, starting the day with cuddling a dog, that's so nice too. There's something so honest and trustworthy about Thibault, I find it so refreshing. I hope I'm right in thinking so. 

Hope skips and 🦘

Sleeping well is vv important. The zombiness of my existence when experiencing a lack of sleep is getting more pronounced. Gone are the days when I was able to pull in one nighters one after the other. 

I'm skipping the wedding. Wooohoo! Fuck man, I'm so glad! Just. So relieved. 

Idk why this time around I am so weary, I just do nooooot like visiting that part of the family. I guess for me just my friends, parents and brother are important and I don't even feel like wasting time on people I don't consider close any longer. Yeah fuck it man. Just keep it close. 

~

When I have a wedding, it'll be a small affair with just people I love who love me back. No extras. 😤 

~

I would be glad to have that question answered and just be able to relax on that front tbh. To just be with the person that feels right and know that okay, this is the one for me. I don't want to end up like a Di who is just unhappy asf and stringing along a guy who she claims isn't all she wanted.What a terrible waste of life. The idea of waking up next to someone daily and thinking this is so unreal like how can you be such a cunt. Honestly, I'm glad I ghosted that bitch, just so fucking dishonest. Complete unforgivable assholery man. I vow to never ever make someone I pick willingly feel inadequate or be disloyal on any front. Just never. 

Meh. Tomo I'll get 21k back and then give up bullet. Again. Because why not. No matter how disciplined I am about something, I need that onnnnne thing to be a degen about lol. Just one. Hahah some weird rebellion thing. 

I am so happy to see that crawling stop jesus christ it was insane. 1400 fucking times it pinged like what even. Felt so violating lmao. I'm soooo territorial about myself it's just outrageous that some stupid bug gets access. 

~

Sitting at my desk and looking at my screen and mind is like 3 pm is when time stands still. It really does. Idk why people say 3 am is the devil's hour. Hmmm maybe cuz 3 pm is when even the devil is like naaah I'm out, nap time. Possible. Probable. 

Atleast I've stopped being a grouch lol. Back to my cheery, chirpy self. The magic of good sleep and idk what else. Must be the cheese sandwich I had so damn toasty yums. 

~

Also planning to bunk my cousin's wedding cuz eeyugh. I do not wish to travel and see them. I'm so over it tbh, just been going to that town time and again and now I just do not wish to. It's good for my brother how easily he got to fuck off from all this. Fucker, always skates off. Some silly patriarchy at play here for suuuuure. Fo sho fo sho.

~

Right as I say it and he calls to invite lmao. Whyyy man. Whyyyyy. I don't want to goooooooooo!!! Help meeeee. Wedding are so damn boring 😭

But I am glad he sounds so excited for it, that's how it should be. Looking forward to a nice new chapter in life. That's very nice. 

~

And there you go, 1499 lol. Might as well make it an even 1500. Why not?

Watching these 2200s play and I realise they make the same errors as the rapid players in the 2300-2400 range. There's no counterplay, mostly just my plan v your plan. It's a weird tunnel vision that I can spot in these games now. Like the players don't take the entire board into account, simply their half and their fantasies for it. Wild. I used to think they were good, now I feel like. Oh no. Shit. Now I'm gonna think it's doable. Which means I'm going to have to grind. Heh. I really wish I could be at a respectable skill range ngl. As it stands, it feels like trash. Oops. 

We must look like such complete noobs to actual good players. There's just no way this kinda gameplay impressed anyone. 

You know it's not that chess is tough, it's that whenever you scale a rank, it feels like holy cow how very stupid are you that you make these errors. They are so glaring. Makes you feel dumb. 

~>

A good way to drink coffee though, that's the good bit. 

Oh finally that crawling is tapering out. Sheesh. All this bs gets on my nerves like why even. 

~

I think it was a wrong decision to drink yesterday. I just feel so anxious and weird the day after. I don't know why either. Felt like sharing the dog dream with mum when she called and she didn't even listen. Somehow that kinda hurt me. It hurts me how often what I feel and wish to say gets overlooked and steamrollered like that. I barely do any talking it's just her that speaks. Such a stark difference from dad and bro. Some people completely wish to occupy all the space without leaving any for you. Hmmm. Well, anyway. What can one say, pun not intended. It's interesting how it's always the little things that matter. These horrid ones make me want to disappear. A part me really feels like closing the door to everyone and just scuttling off now. 

~

Well, onwards to happier things. Like opening a window at night feels a lot better. Last night I felt so claustrophobic and strange, that suffocating feeling is now gone. Thank fuck. Cool night air feels super therapeutic. I love the breeze, just so serene and peaceful. 

~

M keeps seeing D's statuses even now lol. Sending me all the spam she puts up. All these self affirmation posts feel so teenage. I remember she was cringe even back in uni, putting statuses on fb about biatchess that took her bf and how they'll pay for it etc. It used to seem quite insane. I sometimes envy people who simply never self reflect, maybe their lives are a lot more streamlined. Who knows. But it's a bit funny to see all this, keeps things light.

Pretty little

 

😂🤌🏼♥️

Pretty little labrador

I love you to my core

Waiting for me at the door

Our life's never a bore

Pretty little labrador 

I'm so in love with youuuuu.

~

Best poetry ever. 

~

Dreamt about my dog last night. It felt so bittersweet ngl. Gams. Such an ass she was haha. And what a strange dream. I miss you doggo! 

Yeah so even two cans of beer made me feel sick. Waking up in the middle of the night feeling uneasy is simply not worth it. Yucky. Phone died, then I felt super duper hot and uneasy and pukish. What a horrible feeling ngl. Kept feeling anxious too. Sheesh. I do not like alcohol at all anymore. Maybe it's time to retire my one remaining vice 😐. More and more I find it hard to understand why people like alcohol.

Oh god, I am behaving like an 80yo. Soon I'll wake up early and do yoga and offer obeisance to the sun gods, because why not. Holistic living. 

 Zomfg why is it so hot rn. Like dammit. I need to fix my AC then ugh. Too troublesome. 

I don't think checking circuit breakers at this hour would be a good idea but I wish to power through. Curses. Why do I have hiccups rn. Who is missing me?

Guinness

Bought canned stout. Such a blasphemy to can stout beer. And yet, I bought it. Betraying my beer standards purely cuz it's so hot. And for some reason I wanna Crouching Tiger or a Tom Cruise film. The dichotomy of woman. 

Oh well. Cheers to a post run beer and eating crappy food cuz who tf will cook. Maybe tonight I shall sleep on time!

Crouching Tiger it is. Let's go!

~

I feel like my phone is dying. I hope not. I haaate changing phones so damn much. Pls do not quit on me, my lovely. 

Late runs just ruin my sleep completely. Laid awake for hours last night trying to sleep and couldn't. Oh man. I'm like a zombie today, just still in bed at 10.30 am and wanting to snooze more. Hehe. Sundays, eh?

I saw someone post a snippet about IM naroditsky yesterday. Man, IM. Funny how one never thinks of people in terms of the ladder they climb, just the rung they are on. It felt really weird to read, knowing how things turned out. It's very unsettling to know that a person passed away like the way Danya did tbh. Hmmm. Deaths are tough, untimely ones even more so. I feel bad for his mom. I don't think any parent deserves to go through that. Anyway, no need to think of that I suppose. They day is yet to be faced, and that thought is too sad. 

Someone mentioned how diff this person seems in the book and while streaming. I wonder if that's true. "Was very nice"  made me chuckle. Maybe he is to some people. Well, who knows really, I don't tbh. Hehe. I've never been more skeptical of someone, have I? Lmao, just side eyed that all the way lol. Oh boy. I just refuuuuuuse to see any good in him now, huh? It's for the best, too often I've been too trusting. Lol. The quandary of my life... Should I believe there's good in someone or am I wasting my time wishful thinking? Oh well...actions are all that count, and always show your hand in the long run so blah. Flowery words and posturing is simply noise. Hmmm. Tbh I'm glad people aren't posting horrid shit for once, that's nice for him. I never stopped to think how awful it must feel to have to read stuff like that about yourself and know that everyone else has too. It's just weird and sad in a way. Esp the mean stuff. I would hate it, I know that. It must be quite anxiety inducing tbh. Hmmm. Maybe that explains why a lot of them hate reddit. 

~

Anyhoo, it seems unnaturally bright outside and I gotta get so much done today. Let's get back to trying to get the fuck out of bed! Ugh. I don't wanna!! Helpppp!

~

Ugh and now I just played someone called Tributetonaroditsky wut. Coincidences like this just give me pause at times. 

Haasan and Roshan

 Listening to Duuur Se

Aa ja re. Sama jaa ree. 

Ugh. And cooking myself something. And I find myself dancing a Lil bit. 

I can't promise you the world or a trouble free path, but I can promise to be responsible towards you. Hehe. That's the best thing I can think of offering. ♥️

~

This tiny interlude is making my eggs burn lol. Oh well. Oops. 

Duuuuuuuur seeeee! 

Weird dream about trying to skip out and watch a film and then the whole thing became a chase sequence to try and keep someone and their baby safe? It was so unsettling towards the end, in a hey why isn't this getting over kinda way.... Strange asf. I don't like these dreams that don't go away when you awaken. :( 

Feels hot and groggy and I'm hungry and there's no food I gotta cook. What a Saturday. 

Polite crawling and delays, just why even. I'm so tired of that bullshit scraping 

What a dull day today. The heat makes everything so dreary. It reminds me of the dryness of Rajasthan. There was something poetic about that heat though, seeing the weather change in my city was really sad. It used to be so lovely all year round. Best place to stay. And now that's pretty much in the past. 

Hehe. The humdrum of daily life as my English chapters used to say

Vaishali also won. I was really rooting for her too, I'm so glad! I hope she does really well in the WCC as well. 

~

Fighting spirit for the win yo. Somehow even if someone is the underdog, the way they just lock in feels great. Just give it your all when you can, why not. I like her for that. 

This is great. Atleast I have one player to root for this WCC. Even Javokhir I suppose, although it's super sus all his accounts were banned for cheating. I hate that ngl. Weirdos. People are just weirdos. 

Cheating just sucks ass. Be honest, and just like... Do it the right way. Although I suppose him winning now puts everything to rest.

 ~

Oh well, time to sleep. 

Gn world! 🌎 

Affections and affectations

Buying a small watering can made me happy. Filling it with water makes me happy, struggling to put the lid on because it's some cheapo design and make and fit also makes me happy. 

I've been merry just going about sprinking plants these days, all because of this. Heh. Trying to inculcate in some small forms the stoic disciple in life, actively looking at the small things, smell the roses if you will. And it feels good. Gardening, cooking, painting... Stuff you do with hands, mechanical tasks... They are all very contemplative. I never thought I'd describe myself this way but I suppose I am a very physical person, not just a bookworm. I grudgingly concede in admitting that maybe, juuust maybe... Sartre had a point. Hehe. Hell is other people, huh? Nah, old man pls. Hell is you not being stoic enough to accept other people. Dont blame people, didn't you preach responsibility? I say this cuz why not existentialism amirite? Beauty in a watering can and all that jazz. Woot woot. 

"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."

I agree, Mr. Sartre, I agree! 

New candidate! Avril 14th

Total domination by Sindarov it felt like noone else even tried. Weird. I feel the WCC would be anyone's game idk why. His dad seemed soo happy in his win. So good to have a nice support system. It's really important ngl. 

I crave such wholesomeness nowadays. And I think the world needs more of it too. Heh. I like to learn from younglings at times too. You can always pick up some nuggets of wisdom here and there. It's really nice to see the Uzbeks... the camaraderie, the innocence... they are all pretty grounded. And for once the 20yos look and act like 20yos should. Atleast the way I feel they should be...just themselves...no frills, having fun, trying hard, friendship. That's really nice. I think their entire country would be supporting these guys and they seem quite wholesome. His gf calling him one of the kindest people was so sweet. Even he praised her and called her very supportive, which is honestly so good of him. I want that in my life too tbh. To be able to describe someone with pride and also think of them as kind and have them value me, and my support too. That's really important to me, esp being valued. I think that's a two way street that's simply non negotiable. Hmmm. I should remember that, the complete lack of appreciation I have experienced before. Not even a single thank you was pretty wild.

~

Meh. 

~

It's nice to see smiles all around. Good shit. I also feel kinda smiley today. Hope I sleep well tonight then I can get up a bit early. I keep thinking I'd like to switch running time to early morning when it's cool but who tf can wake up lol. The sun is always shining by the time I wakey. April is already here wtf. 

~

And because it's 14th! 

Avril 14th

Richard D James is a modern virtuoso. 

Modern family deffo has some really fun moments. Why don't they make shows like this anymore? And Skins too. Oh man, love skins even now. It holds up so good. I still love Alex and Jay and Mitchi Pritchi. Jay mostly Hahahha fuck. Love that grumpy grandpa. Lukey is the cutest. I guess I just don't like the overly dramatic ones as much. Oops. 

~

Growing up I wanted to run away from all this, this big fam business. Now I don't find it so scary either. Hmm. Well that's good, I'm not afraid of other peoples' mistakes anymore haha suck it everyone. It is a relief though, knowing that you don't have to follow the same path other people did. Make your own new mistakes. 😁🤌🏼

~

Also, why do people like mangoes? Can I skip taking a shower? I cannot, can I?

~

💀💀 Checking the broadcast and wdyk after an entire day of grinding blitz Howell is actually commentating. Lmao. I thought someone else would be hahahah. Fuck, the degeneracy and the staid, old people shirt is making me laugh so much rn ngl. I hope Judith is a bigger degen I would love her so much more. She is already a total beast but maaaan. She is so brash, and actually spots tactics so damn fast. " Sorry David, I have one plan, do you have any? " Ahaha. I know it's a shade rude and she is deffo very brash but honestly who cares. 

I caught that one game too earlier though, hmmm. Made me realise how brutal chess is, the slimmest of margins man. Crazy. Really enjoyed it though. Ggs.

~

And I also really need to get off my desk man, I've been here for close to 6 hours. Sheesh. This much sitting gets on my nerves. Need to go outtttt. I wanna play some tennis but noone wants to in the heat lol. Pussies. 

Watching Howell play before sleeping and as much as I like him and how articulate he is, what I really want is this guy to figure out how to beat him nicely. Lol. Like that safe ass approach with neutralizing all counterplay and never risking anything and juuuuuust even in bullet scooping pawns in endgame instead of going for the kill is soooooooooo.

JUST GET HIM GET THAT SAFE ASS PLAY URGH.

Lol. Halfway through seeing this game I find myself wishing I could just spam Sadlers blog to someone juuuuust to tell him to find some new stuff in it haha. Just dooooo it. 😡

So fucking hot running in the afternoon made my hands feel weird what the actual fuck. 😭  Jesus Christ what is this nonsense now aaaah. 

This growing old business just sucks ass. I could play in the sun for HOURS before. HOURS. AND THEN DO MORE THE NEXT DAY. 

ugh. 

Feel like running more to spite my own self lmao. Uselessness 

Ashaji ♥️

Ashaji passed away. Rip. What an icon, what a voice, what a legend! 

Aawaz mai itni khoobsurati bahut kamm sunne ko milti hai. What a privilege to have heard your songs, and your sweet tones. Much love. 💞

Tu tu hai wahi

Old timey beats, and such femininity in your voice, blessings. 

Lotr love

I fucking love lord of the rings so damn much. Dammit. 

Even as the years roll on, there's a special place in my heart for the books and the movies. One of the few movies that adapted the books so damn well. Everything, the casting, the music every detail is so on point. Ugh. 

Those days of  being in uni and getting high and watching the extended cut. 13 hours long lmao. I've done it multiple times and even today I can do it haha. Fuck dude. Good times.  

~>

Eowyn is my fav. I love Peter Jackson for what he did with that character. 

AND GRRM can suck it with his critique. Just. Lmao. Fuck you for trying to ask about Aragorn's tax policy. Of all the meaningless diatribes. 

~

Battle of Helms deep man. Sheesh. What a genius tolkien was. Salud. 

~

I'm having such a nice Sunday. After so long. Feels great. And treebeard calling him ' young master gandalf' is just so funny lmao. My fav character ngl. Just the best! Let's have an entmoot while the world burns down. 

~

Ugh I wanna see candidates but I feel like today would be boring and naka will give an easy draw just to spite Giri and Fabi lol. My prediction for today. Haha. Let's see if it comes true. 

The Airborne Toxic Event

Song for the day

All these Engagements

~

Music to sway to as I paint paint paint today. I feel so nice. Lying on the carpet, wondering when it will be cooler, listening to a voice crooning at me all these super sweet lyrics. 

Oh heyyyy...

So the young woman lies on the bed

While the young man hears lies in his head

And there's no one there and nothing left to be said

Hahahha touche, caught me off guard with those!

~

It's this music. The continuity of it, the crescendo, it's similar to prog. The voice, the works. 

Annnnd let's shift to 

Suffocation Blues

Heh. 

~

I feel so nice rn. Life is sweet. And Caravan comes on with Can't be long now. Oh man. That song really has some awesome beats. That 60s-70s vibe is so clear. A bit hippy, a bit trippy. 

Bellissimo 🤌🏼

~

Bonus:

When my train pulls in

Gary Clark bringing it. I wonder how many people I know would actually like this. Most of them? Maybe. Guys I've known probably would. Oh wow not all tbh. Interesting. Wonder if lastfm is still working. Too happy to check! Toot!

~

Arrey Ashaji passed away. Rip. What an icon, what a voice, what a legend! 

Chura Liya hai

Aawaz mai itni khoobsurati bahut kamm sunne ko milti hai. What a privilege to have heard your songs, and your sweet tones. Much love. 💞

Candidates - game 11

W game by Sindarov, really enjoyed it.  Complete defensive mode. Very neat! Game 11 on Apr 11th, in the bag. This guy has such a cool head tbh. Holds his nerves so well. Really fun today, after a long time. Weird to see Gukesh lose incessantly while Sindarov is giving it his best. Interesting times. Hope the WCC actually ends up being really good. 

For the first time I saw a comedian making truly offensive jokes. Against women, minorities, Jewish folks as well as disabled folks. And she is a woman. That's crazy to me. Just. How do you lose your way so much ya. I do not get women like these. Just sad. Esp as she is old asf too.  

~

Oh wow 3 queens, just the way I like it! Haha. That game was fun to see. Bullying people near my rating. Would I be bullied too? Ohhhh ooooh la la. Oh now thaaaaat would be hahahahha fuck. Oh boy. Ooooh boy. 😼😼😼 David shall smack Goliath? Maaaan, I would love that! I would, I truly, utterly, sincerely would lmao. ♥️🤌🏼 

~

Alle Belle

Zomg. Kept waking up all of last night. That stupid fuckin mosquito. Feel super duper zonked today how to not fall asleep at my desk? 

Ugh. A couple of beers and it ruined my sleep what even. It's weird but I can never sleep through the night properly if I drink why is that? 

~

Omg it's raining! Finally! Ooof. That sound is soooo beautiful. Good stuff. I have to, haaave to run today sheesh. 

~

Imma make some Alle Belle tonight for dinner. Dessert for dinner, heathen style. What a cute name man. Just 🤌🏼. I wish someone would make me food ngl. Bored of cooking for myself and eating bread and eggs out of laziness lol. Ugh. I want little tlc.

~

That keychain broke. Just the other day I was thinking about it lasting so long and pop. It's done. Hehe. 

~

I want some beer, this fucking heat and my AC isn't working. I feel like going to one of those old timey balcony and terrace drinking joints lol. It used to be so fun. All the places have morphed into these pretentious upscale joints now it sucks. Sometimes basic stuff hits different. Glass bottles of cheap beer, rock music and a bit of sultriness in the air. Oof. My days of wearing my Floyd shirt and running across town to meet friends are a thing of the past, but the hedonism of youth is something fun to reflect on. Hehe. 

Too hot to even run I just don't feel like it today I'm so goddamn lazy. Ugh. I really should but I don't want to. Waaahhh! 

Well, beer it is for tonight. And maybe some peanuts like the old uncles prefer. Hahah. Let's gooooo!

~

Who is winning this candidates, why do I not care at all? 😔 Just feel like Pragg will blunder ngl. Sindarov is a very lucky individual somehow. I prefer Abdusattarov but this dude is deffo quite lucky. Ugh. The worst part is feeling like Magnoose will wipe the floor with the entire field lol. He is by far the only one who has the right mental along with the skills. 

~

I also wanna watch Nights of Cabiria can't find it anywhere. Where do you hide, movie?

Stalemate

Hehhe. I have something to say but then again why lol. These things just tickle my fancy in that it's a proper stalemate. I can't call it out without seeming nuts, and that person can't fess up without seeming nuts either. And so we plod along, merrily. Oh plausible deniability, thou art the shroud under which many a benign fuckery can peacefully exist. 

Heh. Doting on him has been a joy, I hope the part of me that insists on doing so, is a part of me I can trust. 

Touché.

Losing the desire to collect thoughts. Is it the heat? God, I hate summers. 

Sindarovs prep got leaked, that's nuts. Idk how much but man that's so weird. Heh. Or it's some high level hoax by him haha. Maaan, sometimes conspiracy theories are super fun. I wonder how much memorization he is capable of. Somehow not finding the candidates all that interesting this time, mostly cuz I don't have any players to root for. I'd have loved for alireza and Abdusattarov and maybe erigaisi to be in it. The rest of the field is so blah. I have noone to root for. :( except giri who I actively root against lol. Fuck that annoying guy. 

Maaan even the coverage is boring wuut.

~

Oh hey, Sindarov is 2828 blitz on lichess, that's cool. I like that number. And 3300 bullet holy cow. Damnsss

Jesus Christ the nuttiness of it all lol. I have no words, and sadly I'm not even mad. Weird. I should be exasperated but I'm simply like yeah ok. Achilles. That's as good a name as any. " I do what I want ". Well, so do I. But usually, it's the right thing, the considerate thing for everyone, not just be a selfish jerk. I just don't go around showboating about it. I can't imagine treating someone I love or respect that way tbh. In fact, if I put myself in those shoes I feel like wow how insanely selfish one must be, it's something I do not relate to. And that's just it. I can't imagine treating someone I love that badly. And I don't wish to be on the receiving end of it either. 

~

Talking to my friend the last couple of years made me realise how broken she is as a person, she doesn't value anyone in her life. She clings to all that she devalues, it's just behind their backs. I found it repulsive. Devaluing people like that, it was eye opening for me. Saying that lying is a right, and making a case for dishonesty with her partners. It made me realise people like that cannot be counted on. Cuz they are always so afraid of being betrayed that they simply do the backstabbing themselves. How sad. Even her efforts to make things normal are so short of normalcy, she simply can't seem to be direct and I see all that, and I see that it's easy for me to traverse that distance but I don't want to. I hate my integrity being questioned and I suppose all she does is paint everyone as a villian to justify saying shitty things about them.  And watching her say things like hitting kids for discipline is ok then realising I was appalled at that and instantly screwing over n and claiming he hits his kid was surreal. That woman would paint her friends husband as a child beater just to save face. What the fuck was that. The fact that she doesn't even think it's wrong. That's insane to me. Just. Idk. No integrity whatsoever. 

I guess what I'm getting at is simple... Distrust, dishonesty, disrespect... These are not things I stand for nor do I wish to be subjected to them, or be on the receiving end of such dysfunction. It's not my job to save anyone, and I'm not inclined to do the work for someone else anyone. That's all. Tis what tis. 

~

And I contrast this with the fact that we as a species are about to travel the furthest ever from earth. Holy moly. Just. Such an incredible achievement and the idea of 4 people alone in vast emptiness is so insane my mind is not able to catch the gravity of it, pun intended. Damn dude. That's the kinda stuff life is worth dedicating to. To the service of knowledge. Godspeed. ♥️, and a 🥐 to remind you of the joys of home. 

Fuck this stupid game I tried so damn much and hit fucking 2194 and not 2k I hate this I quit. Fuckin waste of time ugh. Imma go out and ditch this stupidity and that stupid 2200 idc more than hiki gah