Anytime I play in the sun I get a headache later in the day. This feels awful. Eyes hurting too. This low key sucks cuz my group is so fun I enjoy playing with them but they'll be coming later in the day and I gotta go early. 😕 I really do enjoy the camaraderie with that group, esp that one dude. Ugh. Well. Tis what tis.

~

Woohoo all the teas and gifts have arrived. I'm glad. Now to repack and ship it all omg. Hope it goes there easily and he gets it easily. It's a task all this shipping and making customs forms etc. wish I could just outsource all that tbh

~

Head still pounding hours later wut man. I'm so weak. So WEAK!

Everyday there's a post on tom brady on my timeline like why. Don't even follow the sport he plays or care why his wife left him. How weird are people who fixate on all this honestly. Completely unnecessary.

~

I need to get up but I wish to snooze too. The everlasting dilemma of early mornings. I'm like sisyphus. Just pulling the same rock up and watch it roll down. In this case I gotta roll over. Zzzz. Okay ten min nap then I'll gtfo. 

~

The sun is merciless. Zapped my willpower away today ezpz

~

Oh wow this dudes friend is still playing... crazy. Sometimes I wish he would tell him not to. Idk why I always want to interfere also I don't even know that guy, but something about him hits right into my protectiveness instincts. I feel like a bird wanting to keep him under wingspan. Oh well. Atleast it always made me smile to see how codependent they are on each other. It was good to know there was a teeny tiny smidge of good inside that guys blackened heart. Silver linings I suppose 😆😁

I'm able to beat 2k ratings if I think and play and it's not particularly tough either. Interesting. Lmc what I can do.

~

Steve McQueen looks exactly like Daniel Craig. I somehow really like these old films. They are shot in such a glamourous way. The pouffes and the impeccable style. Legit so distinct. I gotta watch more of these old films sometime. Oh my there's a game of chess in it too lol. That's funny. I'd love to see what the game actually looked like. 

Nagpur Orange is the best fucking fruit ever. Oh my god! It's just the best! Every damn bite is the perfect blend of citrus and coldness I just love it so damn much!! So glad it's back in season I have missed you sooooo much!!!!! 

Guavas and Oranges. S tier fruits. 🥇🏆🧘🏼‍♀️

Mishima

 Closing/ Mishima

Never knew one of my fav authors had a movie about him and none other than Philip Glass created this. 

Wonderment. And the comments talk of Bobs Burgers lol. Never seen it but it must be good. How worlds collide.

~

It's a cold, cold morning today. Knees be hurting yet I must play.

There used to be this thought about belief in a god like entity is a sign of weakness, cuz you need something to hold on to in an ever changing world. All these concepts... reincarnation etc. You have karma. You play debts etc. I don't know if that's true. If any of it is true. But I feel like the idea of experiencing life over and over in different ages and times is so beautiful in itself. There's people I've met at times where it's felt like hey I've known you forever. Right from the start. And some tiny moments of deja vu. I guess I don't view all of this as weakness. I view it as something that's larger than us. And there's so much beauty in that thought for me. Like that line in Gatsby about swimming against the tide and being borne back into the past. I feel like both are necessary. To go forward and to have a healthy view of where you came from. It's a cool journey. It'll be cool to do it over and over. And it'll be lovely to meet people I love over and over. My first ever thought that I remember was of searching for someone specific. It was suuuuch a primal instinct that I still don't know where it came from. There was nothing on the outside influencing that. Idk. I remember that road in the desert where I used to cycle by myself cuz I loved zooming about. I wish I could bottle that feeling. Of the warm sun and the sultry day and the dry wind. Looking up at a pale blue sky and just wondering where I'm supposed to be going. I wonder the exact same thing today as I did back then. I really wonder what the destination is. Always a time for everything. Even this blog, for more than a decade I had barely anything to say. And now I say stuff daily. It's all mundane but I find love and peace in it. I guess that's why this place is so sacred to me, it pretty much contains my entire heart. I'm glad I kept my promise, of being honest no matter what. I think it's more or less just that. 

~

Well. The tiny hidden thing of comfort in all this is the same thought I had while doing shrooms lol. Life follows a nice rhythm, you are here, like many before you and many to come after. Just enjoy the ride. There's no need to worry and be afraid. Just meet fate the best you can, and it might just treat you like a friend you always needed. I'd like to believe that. 

~

Heh. And just like that coin market crypto went live lmaoooooo. Of all the bullshit that exists in this world. 😅 

Mondays are so therapeutic. Makes you shrug off the weekend. I have always loved that. Always the best part of a week. Day looks lovely too. ♥️

~

Battling rain ☔ is a task esp driving in it. Glad I wasn't stuck in traffic for too long sheesh. Now for some good coffee! I am exhausted in the best way.  My little table and basket also just arrived. How quaint. I don't like buying stuff but when I do, it should be cute 🥺. I'm glad I found some good stuff. Picked up two cushion covers for M also haha. I hope she likes. It's the most indian thing I could get. People gift dry fruits for diwali and it's funny but our almonds come from California so shipping them back would feel like returning to sender. Globalisation is 😧. I hope she likes all the silly items and curios tbh. Gotta get them all packed properly. 

It was pleasant hanging with cousin today. It's odd but I've started preferring these distant equations with folks. I think it's good to have company you can chill with without getting too close. Feels better. 

I guess I'm super averse to being close to someone now. Atleast I want to ensure that if I am, then it's only with people I feel a sense of equality with. No more lopsided bs. I always notice how lucky he is to have such a sweet wife though. And he is super sweet with her too. It's a lovely dynamic and he is exceptionally lucky to have her in his life. And she him. Well. Sometimes life just works out exactly right. 

~

Uhhh and I'm sooooooooo hungryyyy. 10 am lunching was a bad idea. Heh. I love cooking for others but for myself I never make an effort  I can just eat instant noodles and egg and be done. Lol. I recall one time telling P I even munch watermelon seeds cuz spitting them out feels icky and he told me goodbye cuz the conversation was taking a mental toll hahahahhaha. Oh man. That was epic. Fuck. 

Anyway, hunger calls and I'm out of eggs what can I dooooooooo. 😭

~

Guye Adoba did 2:02 today damn. People are so damn fast!!! Running is life man. Just 🤌🏼 

This dudes friend seems to be playing forever. Hope he is okay. Jesus playing since 3 pm and it's 8.45 now. Fuck. That's crazy. I mean even I've played like this but mostly cuz I enjoyed it lol. Hope it's the same for him. 

Why is ronaldo always in chadds man. Zomg. His wife should tell him to cover up 😭😭😭😭

Boys and their affinity for showing muscles is something I'll never understand. It's always other guys who check em out too haha. Men can be weirdos in a very adorable way tbh. Most of them, not all. Ronaldo in tiny underwear is not 🚫 🚫 🚫 🚫 🚫 🚫 

~

I'm lazing about watching people run the Berlin marathon how very nice 🙂 

~

Aaaaaa why am I fucking losing again what the fuck this stupid ass game omgggggggggg 

Gah!!!!

A day wasted is sometimes a day well spent. Kept trying to find an anime to see, landed on daemons of shadow realm and it fizzled the fuck out ezpz. Really need something better to bite into. 

~

I have shopping to do as well Oi Oi Oi. It's so boring to shop tbh. But I need new pants 😩. Maybe I'll buy those baggy ones that make everyone look like a stilt walker. Why not. Might as well

~

This popped up and it had to be him! 

Rachmaninoff

Ordered so much junky food on a whim and now im thinking banana would be a better breakfast. 💀

Why do I always do this? 

Hehe, I remember when I used to always order the most outlandish thing on the menu and then immediately hate it and peck off other people's plates. Good times! 

~

You know it's a good, healing nap when you wake up and wonder why it's so bright outside. As disorienting as having been on a merry go round. Yums. 

Oh the laziness of today. I shall immerse in you beautifully.

~

Omg it just struck me now. Lmaooooo. So this lady kept trying to tell me that she didn't take me saying D and A are toxic seriously and so i should not take her comments about N seriously either. And I was confused at why and now I realise she thinks everyone is bullshitting like her. Oh my godddd. Ahahaha. Fuck. Damn dude. People always project themselves in their assumptions huh? Damn. And I usually take people at face value cuz I'm not actually bullshitting at any point. Dude this is like the boy who cried wolf lmao. Daaaaaaamn. Oh good luck to her bf. As much as I despise that obnoxious loser, this kinda twisted fuckery is unreal. 

What fascinating about this isn't how fucked up it is, it's that people that messed up always have a default assumption that they are correct and righteous. That's wild. 

Every few years I look back at my former self and realise I'm a naive soul and that still holds true. I really gotta develop some street smarts. I have none. Like zero. Wtf haha. 

Meh. It's okay. I guess I just see problems as inherently fixable so none of this really bothers me much. Onwards, upwards and thanks for the laugh. 😬

Saturdays are idli days for me. It's such a comfort food, and took so much getting used to early on. But now it's one of my top 5 probably. 

And as soon as I complete the herculean task of getting out of bed, I shall order myself a nice hearty breakfast and promptly come back for a snooze. Isss the perfect saturday morning ritual.

I forgot to shower yesterday 😦 now I gotta shower early morning to go play. Drags. Should become like guys tbh, they seem to never shower. 

And I hope that selfish dude doesn't come to play and ask to play with me. He is so annoying just encroaches on my court. I seem to be angsty early morning. Good good. Can channel that. 💪🏼

~

I need to be quicker. QUICKER. ZOOPZOOP. I was so afraid of twisting my knee too much today. Ewws. The only thing I miss about being 20 is the flexibility and agility man. This bullshit I didn't even have to think about back then lol. How we taketh le youths for granted. Feels like both my legs are gonna fall off. 

~

5 pm and I'm wiped out totally now damn. Looong ass day!! 😦 I have to buy the teas to send across too. And the plushies hehe. All childish items, but so nice it feels to get em all. After ages I'm making plans for diwali shopping. I just love giving gifts tbh. Feels great to do so. Have to figure out all the shipping too.  

I want someone to baby me today idk why, just feel like some TLC would be great.

 Even this child could coach me omg that BH is so clean oof. What a talent

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbIl2IfMpMt/?stkn=MXNjeTE2cng3a3Nuag==

One hander 😤💪🏼

~

I love seeing how talented some people are, honestly just feels great. The world would be a lot nicer if people focused on doing better than wanting others to do better tbh. Hope that day comes about sooner than later. 

~

Oh what a joy it is to play a game and come away thinking oh la la so well I played only got analysis to tell you it was total dog shit. Lol. 😆 Stupid computers.

~

I think I'll start Zarathurstra. Can't believe I gave away my only copy to that dude and he never returned it. Sheesh. The only vengeance list I have consists of people who whacked my books and never gave them back. Heathens! 

Overcast today too. Must be something in chennai tbh. Feels super drained. The second day of periods has started feeling like this in the last few years. Tragic. 

Have so much stuff to finish today ooh la la. Better get on it. 

~ 

Heh. Everytime I open twitch there's a mention of some woman lol. Life blatantly just telling me to exit ♾️. I shall heed the advice. Not like I'll ever trust him anyway so meh. Mid day twitches, no pun intended. I'll just unfollow so no notifs ever pop up.

~

Bit nervous about the deadlines looming up. Funny thing about success. It's not so much the success part that's intimidating, it's more the negatives that come with it that are annoying. Hmmm. Anyway. I like working hard. I think it's the best, most therapeutic thing to do lol. 

~

Also, why is my rating in the shitter. Where is Sadler and his cool analysis? Where be magnus s games? Omg I gotta watch one of his older TT streams. My rating just jumps up post that purely through love for the thinking lol. What a totem I need to bind myself to, in order to play well. Yt streams. A total oops. 

Warli

I am mesmerized by this artform. My love for symmetry finds a home in stick figures 

Always fun to have periods arrive in the dead of the night. Oof. Le uterus rebels at 3.45

~

Stomach be hurtin bad. 

~

Whew. Cold morning, lots of fun to play. Found a good player too so that was excellent. I really enjoyed backhands today maaan. So damn good. When the ball just swings through the air it feels soooooo nice. Swishhhh. And we did those half court rallies that just go on instinct and I enjoyed that a lot. I really hope I can pair up with some good players and improve more cuz wowza what a game! And now my uterus is acting out again so back to status quo. 

~

Ai yai. My stomach is hurting so damn bad. 😞

~

Someone gimme chocolate I'm too hurty to go get it 😭😭

Finally finishing Rooster. Hmmm. He says this thing about feeling like he never belonged anywhere and I found the one line he says that I related to. Heh. For large parts of my life I used to feel like an outsider looking in. With everyone. Maybe it's cuz noone made me feel like I mattered to them. I suppose that's why I was so cut up when M also told me he didn't wanna talk to me. I recall asking him if I was such a horrible person and how he made me feel like some asian girls he would ask his friend to hit to get experience. Lol and he just didn't care. I don't even recall what he did. Probably just spammed some status update or something. Whatever. I'm over all that now, but the fact that someone made me feel so bad and never gave a fuck was quite eye opening. 

But my bad. I should definitely not have given him any attention or care, I should have simply moved on to someone else who would have. Or just generally moved on. Which I did eventually but yeah. It's on me for not having done it sooner. Anyway. A bitter lesson learnt I suppose.

Funnily enough, ending my equation with that other M hasn't bothered me this much. I've known her for soooo long, but I was honestly just so done in my mind that even saying hello was a drag. It's also cuz I genuinely see her as a bad person now. I'd have settled for atleast an apology from her but even that was so pathetic. Just devolved into her arguing like a moron. 

And sadly as much as I wish to, in my heart I don't hate the dude. It's not even naivety, I suppose I reserve that  kinda negativity for a person only when they do something irreversibly damaging. Lol. I guess even during that time, a lot of my own issues surrounding the past were surfacing so I don't hold him accountable for that. Him triggering it isn't his fault. Which is maybe why I don't hate him lol. Yeah. I guess I don't. I stay away, which is a good decision for me. Because I want the door only to be open for people who treat me well. I will never compromise on that here on out. If he wanted me in his life, he should have treated me well. But it's not like a person who doesn't wish to is someone I automatically dislike. I simply choose to leave them behind. I suppose that's a complex thought, but it's just my way of being fair. I guess I only dislike people when there's a mismatch in values to a point where I cannot really ignore it. Otherwise it's just neutral. Like 😐 

~

Maybe he hasn't shown me his shitty sides so I am being generous for no reason lmao. I've often fallen prey to that. Anyway, who knows and who cares. Eff it all. One doesn't need every question answered, we can simply turn to other, more interesting questions. I am a very cautious person so I know I have my back and I'll manage my life just fine. And do right by myself. So it's chill. And I've always known great guys tbh. So like I trust in that too. 

~

Anyway. I consider all this a fresh start. I look forward to life becoming more sorted and I'm very clear that I only wish to spend time on folks who bring the right kind of energy, ethics and vibe in my life. It makes me feel free and happy rn tbh. Hopefully it all pans out well. Until then why not just have fun and chill. 

~

Onwards to griping about rain again. Maaan don't ruin tomos play pls. PLS. OMG. Just as I'm getting good that too. I don't want stupid breaks. Ugh. Maaaan. DO NOT RAIN. 😭

Early mornings are the best. When the world sleeps in. Like midnight. Basically, whenever everyone is asleep is a good time. 

~

Stupid rain cancelled my stupid class and no stupid wall in my building court to play either 😭

I woke up so early all in vain. 😭😭😭😭

Oh great now twitch showing me notifs I bet it's this guy playing too. Rubbing salt in wounds 😐

Stupid early mornings. 😕

~

It's barely midday and it feels like suuuuch a long time has passed oof. Hehe. So much I seem to have griped already. 🥳. Good good. 

What's with the midnight rains and now midday rains? Weird. Always welcome, but also just rain rain rain. 

~

Watching Rooster and I'm just shocked at how flippant they guy is. Having a baby with some grad student then going back to wife. It's just. How are people so irresponsible? 

That's crazy dude. All of it. 

But great show otherwise. I just feel like a lot of these shows are so not relatable to me though. I wonder if it's a reflection of status quo for people these days. But whatever it is, this is absolutely not for me. There's always this tinge of broken sadness that underlines them which I do not get at all. I'm so very old school. Is there no place in the world for that? 

Interesting reviews from peeps for this. A lot of them do not like it haha. They think it's saccharine. Wow. I found it anything but. Like yeah it's meant to be heartwarming but it's just broken relationships so what's warming about that? Lmao this confirms my belief that I'm way too old school. 

Up bright and early. I'm an early bird now oh my goodness. How very chirpy of me. Feels great! 💯 

~

I miss that I'm not playing today though. But otherwise in a zoomies mood rn. What a remarkable change just daily playing has wrought. I'm glad. 

Now onwards with the day! 

All the noise today is bothering me. It's just been so loud outside.

I'm thinking of going off for a trek but going alone might not be a good thing idk. Things women have to think of for themselves. 

And I have to begin that brandon sanderson book as well zomg. His books are so huge. I honestly still haven't figured out why people love him so much. I really must. Maybe it's just more for boys tbh. Lmc. That man's work ethic is top notch. And he seems really good at teaching the craft too. Yet I drag my feet with mistborn. 

What's with 3 am thunder and rain? Weather has changed so much this past decade. I don't recall rains past midnights ever. Atleast morning will be cool. 

~ 

Bumness, I wish I could fall asleep rn

~

What fun thing can I do today? I feel like going out or something. But then the idea of travel is so exhausting lol. I'll end up seeing rooster. Ugh. Maybe a run later. It's been ages since I ran must have ruined my stride who knows. Adulthood is just juggling every moving piece if one stays up other goes down. What a bun! 

~

I hung both my rooks in one move. After hanging queen. Just genius. Pure class. I am sucking too much rn. 

When is WCC I wonder. I hope Guks comes back into form. All this Sindarov hype is making me root for Guks even more lol. He seems like such a good dude on top of that. Both of them do. In a few short years the entire landscape of chess has changed. I barely even follow any events now. Just doesn't feel fun 

~

Where be the good chess. Magnus come backkk

~

Why does Saturday not feel like Saturday? I am restless. Where be the entertainment?

 5 am cold weather. Yummy. 

For some reason I just recalled a time years ago when I'd tell people jokingly to not bother me else I'll sit on their face and omgggg. 😭😭😭😭

It just struck me now what that implies omgggg. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ugh. 

I used to be a pristine person, untouched by filth. Look at me now. Knowing all this. 😕

~

And you know what it's everyone else's fault tbh who tf sits on someone's face anyway what a vile thing to do yuckky. Everyone is yukky.  

~

Imma see another ep of Rooster. Surprisingly sweet show. And such nice writing. I feel like dysfunctional dynamics have replaced the staple happy groups of people shows that used to be the norm. It makes me uncomfortable to watch them cuz I'm always looking for some redemption or happy ending. See even happy ending is a double entendre. Ugh. I yearn for the good ol times where it only meant something in my wholesome. Cheers to Steve Carrell for being such a fine actor. I think my fav rom com is Crazy Stupid Love which seems a bit similar to Rooster' premise. He was so good in that. Even Lil Miss Sunshine. And now that I think about it... They are all movies with a heart tbh. 

I could not hit forehands just. Whyyyyy. Ugh. Frustrating asf. Let's see joining my building group for tennis too, I can atleast get there early morning sometimes. No mo sun for me 😬 😎

I really wish to be really good tbh. That'll be so nice once I break that threshold. Looking forward to getting better. My movement is a lot more flexible now. It's so difficult to switch from running to this start and stop thing. I'd snuck a peek at this fellow also a while back and kept seeing his legs like a creep 🤣🤣. He is so cat like just shuffle shuffle. But yeah. Following some coaches also. It's soooo interesting tbh. And my backhands were absolutely on point today like such fire omggg. I loved that smooth sailing curvy shot smaaaack on the line. 🔥

Maaan. I'm happy rn. Just smiling to myself thinking of racquet swings. I wish I had stuck to tennis throughout adulthood tbh. Oh well. Bettah late than nevaaa! How would shakespeare say it? 

Hark! Though the dial count the lagging day,

And tardy foot doth mock the punctual sun,

Yet better late than leave the deed undone.

For never-coming brings a bootless gray,

Whilst tardy bloom outshines the tomb of day.

Hahahah. Bootless gray. Lmao. This grudging respect I feel for this bard I have mocked for his floral language is pinching me a Lil bit. 

Those were simpler times, when I could pretend his verbosity was like an overly iced cake. Unnecessarily elaborate. But alas, it is I that was the fool. And gladly I wear my dunce cap now. 🧢 

Oh and I have to wash my cap also it smells yuckky. 🤮 

Lol people spamming on building group about errors and transparency in accounting . I now get why so many peeps wish to be involved in the management, never realised that much money was involved. That's nuts. 

Heh. Idle goss is always fun to read. Even the title. Response to malicious social media rumors lmaoooooo. Oh man. Old people and their titling. 🤌🏼

~

And Lazavik just dissing everyone left and right lmao. What's going on? Hiki sucks at the game according to him 😭. On his villain arc.

~

Oh man just watching some LoTR clip of Aragorn and Arwen presenting him with the evenstar and along comes a twitch notif saying mocking hahahahaha wtf. Way to flip off the moment lmaoooo. Maaan. I can't stop laughing rn. 

More power, more power, forward!! Lmao. Soooooo many instructions I had to hear cuz kept sucking hard today. Maaaan. I could barely get the ball over the net properly haha. Pathetic show of loosey gooseyness.

~

Found this really fun insta account of an author screaming out fantasy books dialogues and I love it so much! If that fool of a took can do it. Then SOOO....CAN...YOUU!!

~

I love words. Just 🤌🏼 

~

" Behold! A fool of great ambition! "

" Grant me peace, thou nuisance. "

Lol! I love. Really need more Shakespearen lingo in my daily life. 

Growing up is crazy. I feel like having constructive discussions is a skill that requires so much fine tuning. I suppose when people become parents they might get a better handle on it. Probably teaches you temperance and patience. Hmmm. Heh. These are also the classes we need in school tbh. 

I guess one lesson to be learnt is that one should absolutely learn keep it simple and uncomplicated. Read, watch stuff, do some work, work out and then sleep peacefully. Own up to mistakes, make amends wherever and generally be considerate. I hope I shall be all those things to everyone I care for. I'll certainly make the effort. 

~

Well, it's Ganesh visarjan today. I think it's a good symbolic way to make way for auspicious new beginnings. I never thought about this before but the chant Morya Morya has always been at the background of my life for ever now. 

~

It's 7.25 only

Finding all these art based books and I actually feel like deep diving into some of the stuff here. I'm suddenly gripped by fascination for Indian artforms in a very strong way. Maybe I should bring out the paints tonight and do some sketching. 

Bro says his gf also likes to do mindfulness stuff. That's so cute. That she has a very active brain hehe. I loved that cute thing she painted. That pot omg. I'm legit looking forward to getting to know her well. ♥️

Spent time over coffee looking up teas they might like lol. Exciting to send another package. I love mailing stuff for some reason it just feels so nice. This amazon has taken away that quaintness of snail mail lol. Old times. 

Rained all night and it's all hot again oof.  Atleast I slept well. And no tennis cuz rain omg I'll forget how to play at this rate 😭 I wish to rallllyyyyyyy!!! And beat someone 6-0 😬

~

And I wish to like feast on something. Chomp chomp. Gimme!!

I am in love with Gond painting style. I definitely want to recreate some it's so incredibly lovely. 

Gifties

Omg so cute. I love love love this art. It's so interesting how Gond art is tbh. Absolutely love the style. 

How very cool that India has so many artforms.  

Sporadic mind working overtime lol. Why do I always notice these 444 type times. I think this symmetry makes it really nice. 

Numbers can be so comforting tbh. They just exist, map and evaluate in silence hehe. That's kinda cool. I wonder what the future of academia looks like going forward. After the Navier Stokes is solved, I suppose it's just a matter of time that all others are solved too. People speak of this being a bubble and others think of dystopia so I wonder what is what. I guess it boils down to the question of sentience and how we define it and how we take initiative. That's a wild thought tbh. Ai doing whatever the fuck not because it feels but because it evolves without true sentience. Heh. Fuck, that's doomy as hell. 

~

Man, the sleeplessness has definitely gotten to me. But I am intermittently meh and then okay. I suppose I fall back on this. In uni, this lady allowed her then bf to yell at all the girls in the dorm and everyone stopped talking to her after. Now. I told her someone she is with insulted me so much that I started thinking of him as a horrible person and she ignored it all and kept on ranting about how I'm an awful person for that comparison and more of how dreadful my behaviour was etc. Which she could have addressed many years ago but it was just now. With a lot of cheap shots too. I don't think she deserves having me in her corner. It's not okay to let your partner belittle your friend for ages and then tell them you don't know context and slide by. 

I thought of A just now. And when her cousin made some cheap remark at me and she met me the next day and addressed it on her own. And here this person is spewing venom and telling me he gets along with everyone so I must be the issue. I know she won't feel bad about it cuz she doesn't have a conscience. I mean like... Whatever.

Well. She always complained how noone was ever in her corner and now I genuinely don't think she deserves to have anyone looking out for her. 

~

Anyway, tomo onwards...I shall get back to tennis and work and keep myself busy and look forward to life. And the diwali gifts omg I'm so excited for the stuff I'm getting for my brothers gf. I think it'll be nice to and she will like it. 

~

Happiness for me and my loves from here on out. 

Another semi sleepless night lol. Atleast the world is still. Feel like playing chess tbh. Morning will be ruined if I do. Oops

~

Holy moly the sleep deprivation is getting to me. I cannot even type or think 😭

Lol I snuck a peek. I'd seen that yesterday also, damn cool it was. Bondie man. 

~

I lazed away this day too. My leg pains and aches have gotten better with rest. How very cool it is being old 😹 Now if only I get back to my regular sleep. This stress made me want to be alert but zomg where be the mental toughness I so much need? Rescue me!!

New day and ganesha idol. It's all very festive outside. And quiet cuz people are home. That feels nice. And I am sleep deprived and huuuuunnngry. 

~

I pray for safety and good fortune for me, my family and also that one person. I hope good things, happiness and lots of love comes in all our lives. And may we be protected from all that's harmful and all the people that may try to harm us. 

There's a part of me that's upset and the other part that is relieved. I am not mourning the loss of this friendship, I think I wanted out for a long time now. And I guess that's pretty much it. I wanted out. I hated that guy, I hated being in that space, I hated all of it and I can't see myself being around that person again. All her ranting aside, the fact that she loves this guy is like 🤯 

Anyway, I think this was bound to be and it's fine. There's no point in either person dragging it out. I want to find newer friends, the kind I used to have earlier where I had fun and great convos with. I really miss that tbh. She called my convos boring lol. Heh. Yeah well. I hope I forget this by tomo tbh. Don't think it's worth the mindspace. 

~

What an epic shit show this match is jeez

~

Shelley giving me hope, just don't. 

~

😕

Afternoon naps 😴. I feel soooooooo nice just sitting idle doing nothing. 

~

Oh lord yet another wall of text. About all my flaws and ranting and boring conversations lol. It's interesting how M is really grasping at straws to make me the bad guy while ducking all the stuff I told her that was over the line. Some of this stuff is also over the line. Meh. 

Whatever... I think it's best not to think of any of this. 

Feels like a hurt child trying to grasp at straws to tell themselves look other person bad when they never once communicated their end of things when they should have. Either way, blah. I think there's no point in dwelling. It is what it is. 

And honestly like... Good luck to them. I think there will come a time when they need it. I am sorry for making her feel like she was dealing with me ranting about M, that was my bad. I communicated as such, no excuses about that. But other than that, the rest was just trying to make me a bad person. She also conveniently tried to brush all her bf said and did under the carpet in this flurry of you did this and that. So noted. 

~

In a way I'm happy. I think it's best things are in the open. I feel like both of us have issues communicating our feelings so it's best to air them even if it ends the equation. I don't wish her badly at all. And I understand telling her that stuff harshly must be very hurtful. But I just don't trust that guy. He is 40, takes money from her, lives in her house, wants to do business. Tomo she will be the one taking loans and life can get fucked very easy when someone makes you take loans on your name. I don't think I'm offbase to have concerns and a person who is always trying to say shitty and sly things isn't someone that I would easily trust. But yeah. It is how it is. And definitely very harsh but I mean I would rather say harsh things now than see someone suffer later and have it on my conscience. It scares me when someone uses you for money. It scares me when it feels as if someone might be pretending to be nice to get something like that out of you. And a guy who doesn't have any strong foothold in life at this age isn't one who I can in good conscience give benefit of doubt to. He cheated on her in the beginning, moved in without asking, then pretended like he is looking for a place to stay yada yada and now this. In addition to talking down to her all the time. So yeah. I don't particularly want to recant any of that. 

~

Plus she told me all the misery she was experiencing was because of me. So yeah. Alright. 

~

Lol. What is life without a cluster fuck. Heh. It's okay. Shit happens. Heh. Boss Ross just chimed in with his " we don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents ". 

~

Okay let's watch finals. I fear the worst lol

New day and I feel fine. And kinda upbeat. Woke up at 9 after tossing and turning all night. Oof. I am feeling at peace kinda. And I wanna move forward with intention now. I guess I'm just looking forward to that. 

Twitch giving jumpscares early morning. When did it decide to start sending notifs again? Lol. Crazy. 

And heyyyy ryba won while I slept lol. Woohooo. Ggs. 

Lol. As predicted M is now trying to send me these oh but I recant my apology texts. I'm not really having any reaction beyond understanding that she can be angry too at some stuff I said. Which I expected tbh. But yeah. I'm not sure how much to clarify and how much to ditch because honestly like where do you even go from this point. It's just going to be ultra bad blood no matter how you slice it. Well, let's see. Either just fight it out or just say fuck it or do both lol. Whatever man. Part of what I said might be cuz I was angry but not one thing was untrue or embellished. She doesn't get why any of those things bother me either and having to explain is so exhausting tbh. It's always some excuse or something shit so idk at the end of the day I don't see any regret or remorse so what's the point. 

Life will go on either way so there's that. I was a genuine well wisher and I have been sooooo attached to her and always tried to look out for her. That's the truth. So like all this is just like yeah whatever. I guess I'll put a pin in it for now and leave it be. Will circle back when ready. 

~

A few hours later and I kinda feel calm and okay tbh. Spoke to brother and yeah. Like this kinda immaturity would not have existed if the person I'm talking to had some conscience. I guess everyone has a choice to grow up or not and if they choose not to then that is on them. Hmmm... Idk I guess none of this is surprising and I hardly expect someone to change overnight. I'm sure some stuff I said seemed harsh but I did only point out what I saw, and felt. I know that if someone was being nasty to a friend of mine, I wouldn't idly sit by and make excuses. I also would never make the choices she did tbh. More than that what can anyone say anyway. Blah. It is what it is. It's time to just put all this aside from now. 

Why did I read the shirts Tiafoes team is wearing as " big hoe" 😭

~

Z in finals too. He will win against either of these two. Bleh. Maaaybe shelley might try but 😶

~

My skin is getting so wrecked in the sun I gotta start going to tennis early in the morning. Maybe 6.30 - 7.30 from now. No point baking in the sun as much as I enjoy the heat. Never seen such a weird patch on my hand before wtf man. I wish the court was indoor tbh. Would have been so much better. 😕 I enjoy playing but sun damage is not worth it. Total sun burn despite having sunscreen. 😞

Warli love

 Number of talented people out there is just far too many. 

The artforms from my native state and it's just so intricate. I find it interesting how I've always had an affinity for details and geometry and rocks and all of that is native to the the place I was born at.

That last blue one though damn. Just beautiful execution. I will try recreating it for myself. It's just gorgeous in it's intricacy. 

AI solved the navier stokes conjecture. Wtf yo. That's an insanely scary level of intelligence. Hurtling into the abyss with no guardrails. It's pretty much the end of a lot of professions asap. Idk where we would be in 5 years ngl. Well, no use worrying. Onwards to more human stuff. Like why is Zverev still playing every time slot i can watch. 😭

~

I noticed today how some people are so naturally caring. This one dude at tennis always just comes by to help with the ball bucket etc whenever I carry it. It's so damn nice. And I know he is simply doing it cuz values, nothing else. I bet he is a great father to his kid too. It makes me happy to see men like these. There's just an understanding of niceness which makes me feel relaxed. I've started looking at these traits with a lot of affection now. More of this in life please!

~ 

In general the community there is really sweet and warm. I'm glad I joined. I really do. I like the interactions and the camaraderie and most of all I love the sport. I hope it remains a lifelong habit from now. 

~

And I got myself an RG coloured shirt omg. I'm so happy with that. Just the colour of rust that I love. Can't wait to wear it!! And my arm sleeves to hide from the sun holy moly my skin is suffering and how. Need to play in a face mask or something. 

~

Imma watch the Micheal documentary at dinner. Hope it's good. Somehow all biopics just get butchered. Lmc. Atleast the songs will be great! 

~

I'm suddenly calculating and all wtf. How. What has changed in me in these two days? V sus. Mated down a queen and it was so nice. Weird. I don't trust this new found ability. 

Women's tennis is so much more exciting now than mens. I like Gauff soooo much. And also Ryba. Lmao. How to root for one? 😭

This is so troubling. In like the best way! Go girls!

~

I kinda always low key end up listening to some people. Always. Idk why but I juuust do. Like rn I've been irritable for a few days so I felt like maybe going and getting a drink and then I didn't. Fuck it. I'll just play some blitz 😤

It's about time I level up somewhere sheesh. 

~

Oh hey I'm 2069 blitz now. And it was not very effortful just idk 😐. I donot understand this game at all. Now I'm 2092. All time high. Weird. 

This is what gambling must feel like just be on a hot streak then wish to play mo mo mo

Eyyyy omg. Dude. Okay I can't help but laugh at this what the fuck lmao. Incorrigible.

Heh. Okay time to go buy some new clothes for tennis. After so long my wardrobe is again turning into tennis stuff hehe. Such fun!

And a lemon hybrid fell on me today from the tree too. Feels so cute lol. Life gave me a 🍋 

Awake at 4 am and a bird is perched right outside my window and chirping. This is so sweet. First a katydid, now a bird. Nature is visiting. It feels lovely. 

~

Omg and a peahen also flew into the gardens. Awww. How nice to seeeeee. Animals are the best. 

~

Should have a nice day now, seeing as I've had such cute visitors. 

Omg alcu always giving jump scares like why man. Always. Oof. His matches are tooooooo hard for me lol. Dropping sets making comebacks ooof. 

Shelleys fighting spirit is what I've always loved about him. Glad he isn't just serve botting. I am 💗 it! 

This one is yours shelley let's goooooo! 

~

Oh hell yeah!!! Did it! Ooof. Relentless he be. And he lasted more than a minute Woohoo 🎉 🥳 

Leafy affairs

 Omg what a cute visitor I have. Omggggg. 

First time I've seen a katydid. 🥺♥️

Is summer returning or what? Good god the sun is shining like it's celebrating something. 

Yeah I have no energy for playing today. I'm going to just skip. Found it so tough to fall asleep last night as well. That was weird. Usually I'm out by 11.30 these days. What is robbing my beautiful sleep?

~

Why is it only Wednesday? Feels like a Monday. Imma snooze more until the grumps subside 😬

Goodnight world!

Every morning I wake up and there's zverev playing. Every time! Lol. Why are there no other players 😭

~

Bashed some nice balls today booyea. I'll go everyday this week until I transform into sampras 😬🥸😌

~

Also stupid come around forehand sheesh. Tf was that drill. Useless. Sampras would never need it. 💪🏼 Bunked fitness session also lol. Oopsies. 

~

I wanna see Gauff and Ryba and Zheng all of them. I like all so much it's so hard to pick between them all. Esp Gauff and Ryba. Ugh. Choices, choices.

~

Maybe I'll finish Midsommer today

~

Yaaay ryba won!! Hope Nosko also wins! 

Day 2 of successfully keeping self busy complete. 💪🏼😎

~

Still up at 1.45 am. After ages. 

Let's just play some good chess for a bit. 

Lord, let me consider the opponents move atleast in SOME games. PLEASE! 🙏🏼 🥺 

~

Nvm those were some spectacularly bad ones wow. Just unreal levels of fuckery. I am amazed at my lack of skill. 

Hmmm. Long day. I'm a bit tired. Good. 

It's been more than two weeks since I spoke to M. I guess it's the first time in years I haven't had some form of daily contact with her. As per usual she just disappears when there's something bad happening. I don't even have any patience left for this behaviour tbh. It's the same pattern since uni. She broke up with her ex then disappeared for months, he got married... She did the same thing. Husband... Same and now this. It's like any adversity just prompts a flight response. And when look at it, it just shows me a person that's so selfish and all about themselves. And in this instance she was the one crossing lines with me. Like for months. Making jokes like my mum dying will leave me money and all that rot. It was such an unholy thing to say and she just did. With him it's more calculated, like he is desperate to act like he is smart and can't stand the idea that he isn't so he needs to actively devalue people around him. And in the long run I suppose that's actively worse. 

It's like I can't even expect a half decent, normal person response here. It's always had to be me to pick up pieces and be around, never been from her side. Ironically, I barely even told her anything. I just said leave it, I know you don't mean it multiple times. 

~

I'm kind of relieved tbh. The sheer negativity of the stuff she said and her bf did is very great. I told myself I'll take a few weeks and then think about stuff and yeah even now I just don't really feel anything positive towards her. I remember once ordering food for them at her place. And her bf brought it out the next day to share. I took a bite and kept the fork back and he made her hold it in her hand while he eats cuz pretending like he is so pure he can't allow for someone else's cutlery to touch his food. After bringing the food out in a sharing plate instead of individual ones but hey how else can you show off your purity. And she just did it. It was such a low quality, regressive move. Like those people who think they are pure and others are impure. Wild to do that while eating the food your own guest bought for you. Uneducated guy, doesn't have any money or stability in life. Uses her, and then pulls this shit. And then pretends to be deaf when she speaks because of he is so elite that she is below his notice. Lol. Nuts. 

Told my brother and he said just leave it. He was telling me about some girl in his uni who was dating an abusive dude who beat her up and she would keep going back to him. It's insane how women do that. 

The thing that annoyed me in our conversation was her attempting to put it on me saying you also don't like him and you guys haven't gotten along from the start and then saying she doesn't know context for all the other stuff I was trying to tell her. 

Like come on man. How can you possibly defend such a guy? Sheesh. 

~

I don't know what to say anymore. I've always felt protective towards her cuz she seems so fragile. But now I just feel like oh come on growing up sometime!!! We are in our mid 30s like atleast by now you should have changed and grown enough to deal with things a bit better. Like you can't play the innocent angel when you are actively meeting a married ex while his wife is having miscarriages man. That's just so utterly beyond heinous I can't even compute it. Idk how someone can ever justify that to themselves.

~

Bottom line for me is just that I don't really wish to deal with bullshit, nor do I wish to waste time on people who behave in this insulting way. I can't do it. It's not even like I have fun around them, it's just boring and there's so much obnoxiousness and negativity it's unbearable. I'm always on edge there cuz I know either he or she will say some bullshit. So I suppose that's that. 

~

Never thought 17 odd years of knowing someone would end this way but here we are. It feels icky but honestly I don't wish to hold on or save anything here. I wanted a genuine apology that addresses all this and even that did not really come about fully. It was just excuses for his behaviour and dodging. And now this running away from everyone. Just whatever dude. People cannot babysit you forever.  I don't want to. 

~

Life needs a good revamp. That's all. 

~

What I want is people to connect with at a decent level where you don't have to deal with all this tbh. Otherwise it's fine. I can simply do my own thing and finish projects and meet new folks and do tournaments and explore where life takes me further. I'd honestly just rather spend my time on things that bring me joy and make me feel productive. Let's just bring all these negative old chapters to a close now. 

Amen. 🙏🏼

Whew! What a day. So damn fast time is flying. But then it stopped at 3 pm to catch a breath and started crawling. So far so good. Slow down my lovely. Crawl crawl crawl.

~

So unnaturally bright and hot today. Glad it's an off day for tennis tbh. I'll have to start wearing shades and a beach hat at this rate. Or maybe dress like that lady who covers up so much she looks like a kidnapper. I don't think I've ever seen her face behind the wide brimmed hat and the scarf and the face mask 😂. Things women need to do to keep the sun away. I relate lady!

I'm noticing that it takes a day or two for any soreness I may have to subside. Interesting. Redefining the phrase growing pains. I guess by the year end I should be fine lol. Fingers crossed. 

~

Ugh. I expected the carlitos match to be a bit better. Lol. He just demolished paul with such ease. How good is he man? Sheesh. Crazy carlitos.

~

Aaaand let's get on with our Monday. Oddly 😎 🌞 

Carlitos with an inner shirt is just too cute ya. Lol. I find Paul also to be a sweet guy. Like he seems like a dodo for sure. Very doofy types but also like a sweet jock. Haha. It's nice to see. He seems like a very happy go lucky person too. That's a nice trait. Stay happy, don't stress, work hard. Good way to live life.

Watching Midsommer and pughs bf forgets her bday after being with her for 3 years. Lol. How very sad. May this kinda love never find me. 

I guess it's better than people like M who pretended to forget mine 3 years in a row. May such people never find me either. What a shitty person he is. That was just pure meanness on his part. Lol. He even lied when I reminded him and then just said something shitty like how will I know, and didn't wish or ask how it was or anything. It's all intentional and by design too, that's the worst bit of it. I mean there were plenty of other lows but blah. Plumbing the depths of meanness isn't any use. 

Meh.  If all a person can give you are bad memories to anchor you by, then what use is it remembering them anyway. Life is tooooo short to be wasted on people who insisted on making you unhappy. And didn't care that they caused you to feel bad. All I wanted was a bit of niceness and consideration. I guess I'm just some girl he used to feel validated like the Asians he wanted his friend to hit on to get experience. Well, thanks for the racism I guess. I knew not what it felt like before I knew him. Good old days lol. Maaan. Even putting up that lame status as a way to pretend like no no I'm not racist. Just so childish and weird tbh. 

~

Midsommer is interesting in such a strange way. This whole clan thing just makes me super uncomfortable. I've always hated the idea of people all dressing the same and just living together this way, something about that is super unsettling. I suppose the movie is doing a good job of capturing it. And Florence man. What a fine actress. Just so sublime. 

This movie is freaaaakyyy!! So very creepy. Daytime horrors are just too much.

Oh for fucks sake wuuut. FUCK. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING IN IT OMGGG.

Oh my godddddd what the hell is this film fuck.... Brrrruuuh

~

Okay I cannot watch this. 

Shit I'd rather just see Alcaraz Paul instead when does it start? Zomg.

Lmao they held the ceremony at the palace haha. Only the of crowd would know how low key funny it is. This city was so small and fun back then. Way too crowded now. I liked the chill pace and the cool climates and the bobs and the machas. I feel like that flavour is kinda lost now. Oh well. Tis what tis. I wonder how the tournament is going. There's just so many happening all the time it's hard to tell if it's of any importance or not at times. Esp with the same names. Becomes a bit tough to distinguish. If I knew earlier I could have maybe checked it out. Oh it's at Lalit Ashok too. Man, all old bangalore og venues. Shit they had that nightclub we once went to lmao. What was it called again? Sutra. Oh maaan. What a throwback. That dj was studied in our uni always walking around with attitude hahaha. Good times. 

~

What a lazy ass day today. Just whiling away time. 

~

I can only beat 1700s now. I have fallen. 😕

5.30 am on a Sunday and I am upppp! Wow. It's like a whole new world out here. I can hear birds. BIRDS 🐦 

Jeez.

And whose surname is merida? That name is stuck in my mind since yesterday like who is it? Ugh. Something to do with chess. 

~

Fritz lost? Wut? Keys too. Her I expected tbh. But damn Fritzy. Lol imagine tsitsi actually makes a deep run for once. Wouldn't that be something. 

~

Magnus is in town lol. Didn't even know. Feels so weird to know that the goat of chess is chilling here. Oh all of them are here. Sindarov etc. nice nice. Haven't followed any event in ages maybe see some today. 

~

Meh. Fucking lost so much idc about stupid chess hope everyone else also loses fuck this game. Stupid opponent leaving game is the only elo I got fuck this

Watched Zakhm for the first time. Man, I'm mind blown by how delicately this movie was made. Whatever happened to the quality of films since. And back in 1998 no less. 

It's wonderful how far the country has come since then though. I'm glad tbh. I've always hated division amongst people and I hope it minimises to a point of nothing over time. One of my deeper wishes. In my heart I've always strived to respect people, especially ones that society tries to shun because fuck that. It's just as heartbreaking today as it was when I was a kid. Watching this film reminded me of the crazy amount of weird social bullshit that used to exist. 

Also, whatever the fuck happened to the bhatts that they went from making this to shit like murder lol. Sheesh. Talk about falling into an abyss lol. 

Well, I'm glad the movie was worth the time. Very nice 🙂 

Buying a lungi for dad and it now comes with pockets and a waistband lmao. Might as well call it a skirt but nooooooo. Men and their men ness. Haha. 

Maaaan. This is just too cute ngl. I am super duper fond of my father, aren't i? Just. As much as I have hated him for being a stubborn ass, he is just so sweet and gentle when he is in his element that I can't but love him lots. 

Is it a coincidence that I fall in love with only stubborn mules? Like I've never truly loved a guy until I sense that one mulish quality in him. 

Oh lord. Just never let me unpack this ever. We shall put it inside a box and pretend it doesn't exist. 😂💪🏼

ONWARDS and UPWARDS ☝🏼

Geoguessr flip offs lol

Die Möckernstraße ist ein Verkehrsweg im Berliner Bezirk Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg, Ortsteil Kreuzberg. Sie verläuft in nord-südlicher Richtung von der Stresemann- bis zur Kreuzbergstraße und führt dabei mit der Möckernbrücke über den Landwehrkanal.

Wie süß, wunderbar!

Sehr gut, sehr gut.

Heh. I can't help but laugh at how flippy offy geoguessr is today 😂. 

What was that quote in the Godfather? "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in" 

Haha, nein. Not today! 

Whew! Nothing like a good long session in the sun to feel good. I love the heat so much! Gotta learn to be faster now. I think these next three months are where I can manage to get to a somewhat ok level. Maaan. I can't wait!! Tired in a good way too. That feels nice. 

All day grumps lol. For no reason except didn't sleep well. And ate bad food that I didn't like. Almost like a cranky baby 🐥🍼

~

Looool carlitos with an extra shirt. Hiding them nips finally 😂 okay now that's funny asf

 Z playing again. Ai yai yai. 

~

He is the villain to root against huh? Surprisingly so. Can Halys vanquish him? Pls pls pls 🥺 

~

I am incredibly sleepy 🥱. It's already 7.30 am and I still wanna snooze. Nay, sleep! 

So grumps today 

 Aaaaa a I'm just losing losing losing. I fucking hate this stupid game. Fuck you. 

I prefer heat over cold for playing conditions. Interesting. There's something so lovely about the sun beating down on my face 😈. Before I detour into song, I must say that feeling was pure bliss for me. 

~

Hope the rest of my day goes well. I get so tired these days. I like that feeling more or less. It takes away any time you might spend on bs lol

~

S used to have this massive hard on for Gibran. Came across his poetry today and I remember liking this back then too. Still holds up. Something about expressing ideas that examine the essence of a thing really sits right with me.

 How very quaint. 

Sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. Bang on! 🏹 

Since carlitos is making this popular why not hehe. 

~

Naive old me used to own a domain called I don't like bananas back when blogging was a new found thing. And as I chomp on my 🍌 rn I feel life has come a full circle. 😕 I am a convert. This fruit gets me through the day when my energy is low and my body is like feeed meeeeee. 

Ugh. Yet another part of growing older that sucks. 

I love bananas. Hehe. Chi. Sounds so bad. Tastes so yum now though. 🤭

Why am I so immature?

Oh carlitos! 😦 DON'T GIMME JUMPSCARE EARLY MORNING

I am convinced at my level noone knows how to play chess. It's just such piss poor quality games. Like toddlers colouring in books. It's so bad yo. Just. Eeyuck. Heartfelt 🤢

~

I am again in bed by 8 pm lol. Nuts. Lmc if I can play more. I'm just so tired though. Such a long day!

~

https://36questionsinlove.com/

I remember doing the proust questionnaire once with S and he and I had logged out answers in that website that used to store it. Man. It's been years and idk where it is. I would love to revisit what I used to think back in 2012 lol. I wish it still existed or I had saved a copy. 

~

I'd love to do this with someone someday though. That would be so nice. It's a great way to get to know someone tbh.

~

I'm tired in that weird way where falling asleep seems really hard and really necessary. How to?

Lool. Came back and saw and Z still battling. Damn Sonego pls. 

Ugh. Ggs man. Fought so hard. V cool! 

~

Always great to see someone challenge status quo! 

~

Carlitos pls 🥺 🙏🏼 MAINTAIN STATUS QUO

~

Even meddy winning would be fine tbh. Just 🤌🏼 

Options

 

I love this fabric. I'll get this for her maybe. Or idk. I want to send over something traditional handicraft. I love bandhani, the tie dye is just so pretty on it. Or maybe ikat or hakoba. Hmmm. Lmc. I'd love to get this right hehe!  

~

Fabrics are so beautiful man... I just love them. So many artforms in India. So many weaves. Feels beautiful. 

~

Ugh. DILEMMA!

~

Ugh let's see zverev play eeyuck. Hope he loses 😕

~

Yoooooo! Sonego doing what I want let's goooooo!!