Omg alcu always giving jump scares like why man. Always. Oof. His matches are tooooooo hard for me lol. Dropping sets making comebacks ooof.
Shelleys fighting spirit is what I've always loved about him. Glad he isn't just serve botting. I am 💗 it!
This one is yours shelley let's goooooo!
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Oh hell yeah!!! Did it! Ooof. Relentless he be. And he lasted more than a minute Woohoo 🎉 🥳
Is summer returning or what? Good god the sun is shining like it's celebrating something.
Yeah I have no energy for playing today. I'm going to just skip. Found it so tough to fall asleep last night as well. That was weird. Usually I'm out by 11.30 these days. What is robbing my beautiful sleep?
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Why is it only Wednesday? Feels like a Monday. Imma snooze more until the grumps subside 😬
Goodnight world!
Every morning I wake up and there's zverev playing. Every time! Lol. Why are there no other players 😭
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Bashed some nice balls today booyea. I'll go everyday this week until I transform into sampras 😬🥸😌
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Also stupid come around forehand sheesh. Tf was that drill. Useless. Sampras would never need it. 💪🏼 Bunked fitness session also lol. Oopsies.
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I wanna see Gauff and Ryba and Zheng all of them. I like all so much it's so hard to pick between them all. Esp Gauff and Ryba. Ugh. Choices, choices.
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Maybe I'll finish Midsommer today
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Yaaay ryba won!! Hope Nosko also wins!
Day 2 of successfully keeping self busy complete. 💪🏼😎
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Still up at 1.45 am. After ages.
Hmmm. Long day. I'm a bit tired. Good.
It's been more than two weeks since I spoke to M. I guess it's the first time in years I haven't had some form of daily contact with her. As per usual she just disappears when there's something bad happening. I don't even have any patience left for this behaviour tbh. It's the same pattern since uni. She broke up with her ex then disappeared for months, he got married... She did the same thing. Husband... Same and now this. It's like any adversity just prompts a flight response. And when look at it, it just shows me a person that's so selfish and all about themselves. And in this instance she was the one crossing lines with me. Like for months. Making jokes like my mum dying will leave me money and all that rot. It was such an unholy thing to say and she just did. With him it's more calculated, like he is desperate to act like he is smart and can't stand the idea that he isn't so he needs to actively devalue people around him. And in the long run I suppose that's actively worse.
It's like I can't even expect a half decent, normal person response here. It's always had to be me to pick up pieces and be around, never been from her side. Ironically, I barely even told her anything. I just said leave it, I know you don't mean it multiple times.
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I'm kind of relieved tbh. The sheer negativity of the stuff she said and her bf did is very great. I told myself I'll take a few weeks and then think about stuff and yeah even now I just don't really feel anything positive towards her. I remember once ordering food for them at her place. And her bf brought it out the next day to share. I took a bite and kept the fork back and he made her hold it in her hand while he eats cuz pretending like he is so pure he can't allow for someone else's cutlery to touch his food. After bringing the food out in a sharing plate instead of individual ones but hey how else can you show off your purity. And she just did it. It was such a low quality, regressive move. Like those people who think they are pure and others are impure. Wild to do that while eating the food your own guest bought for you. Uneducated guy, doesn't have any money or stability in life. Uses her, and then pulls this shit. And then pretends to be deaf when she speaks because of he is so elite that she is below his notice. Lol. Nuts.
Told my brother and he said just leave it. He was telling me about some girl in his uni who was dating an abusive dude who beat her up and she would keep going back to him. It's insane how women do that.
The thing that annoyed me in our conversation was her attempting to put it on me saying you also don't like him and you guys haven't gotten along from the start and then saying she doesn't know context for all the other stuff I was trying to tell her.
Like come on man. How can you possibly defend such a guy? Sheesh.
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I don't know what to say anymore. I've always felt protective towards her cuz she seems so fragile. But now I just feel like oh come on growing up sometime!!! We are in our mid 30s like atleast by now you should have changed and grown enough to deal with things a bit better. Like you can't play the innocent angel when you are actively meeting a married ex while his wife is having miscarriages man. That's just so utterly beyond heinous I can't even compute it. Idk how someone can ever justify that to themselves.
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Bottom line for me is just that I don't really wish to deal with bullshit, nor do I wish to waste time on people who behave in this insulting way. I can't do it. It's not even like I have fun around them, it's just boring and there's so much obnoxiousness and negativity it's unbearable. I'm always on edge there cuz I know either he or she will say some bullshit. So I suppose that's that.
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Never thought 17 odd years of knowing someone would end this way but here we are. It feels icky but honestly I don't wish to hold on or save anything here. I wanted a genuine apology that addresses all this and even that did not really come about fully. It was just excuses for his behaviour and dodging. And now this running away from everyone. Just whatever dude. People cannot babysit you forever. I don't want to.
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Life needs a good revamp. That's all.
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What I want is people to connect with at a decent level where you don't have to deal with all this tbh. Otherwise it's fine. I can simply do my own thing and finish projects and meet new folks and do tournaments and explore where life takes me further. I'd honestly just rather spend my time on things that bring me joy and make me feel productive. Let's just bring all these negative old chapters to a close now.
Amen. 🙏🏼
So unnaturally bright and hot today. Glad it's an off day for tennis tbh. I'll have to start wearing shades and a beach hat at this rate. Or maybe dress like that lady who covers up so much she looks like a kidnapper. I don't think I've ever seen her face behind the wide brimmed hat and the scarf and the face mask 😂. Things women need to do to keep the sun away. I relate lady!
I'm noticing that it takes a day or two for any soreness I may have to subside. Interesting. Redefining the phrase growing pains. I guess by the year end I should be fine lol. Fingers crossed.
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Ugh. I expected the carlitos match to be a bit better. Lol. He just demolished paul with such ease. How good is he man? Sheesh. Crazy carlitos.
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Aaaand let's get on with our Monday. Oddly 😎 🌞
Carlitos with an inner shirt is just too cute ya. Lol. I find Paul also to be a sweet guy. Like he seems like a dodo for sure. Very doofy types but also like a sweet jock. Haha. It's nice to see. He seems like a very happy go lucky person too. That's a nice trait. Stay happy, don't stress, work hard. Good way to live life.
Watching Midsommer and pughs bf forgets her bday after being with her for 3 years. Lol. How very sad. May this kinda love never find me.
I guess it's better than people like M who pretended to forget mine 3 years in a row. May such people never find me either. What a shitty person he is. That was just pure meanness on his part. Lol. He even lied when I reminded him and then just said something shitty like how will I know, and didn't wish or ask how it was or anything. It's all intentional and by design too, that's the worst bit of it. I mean there were plenty of other lows but blah. Plumbing the depths of meanness isn't any use.
Meh. If all a person can give you are bad memories to anchor you by, then what use is it remembering them anyway. Life is tooooo short to be wasted on people who insisted on making you unhappy. And didn't care that they caused you to feel bad. All I wanted was a bit of niceness and consideration. I guess I'm just some girl he used to feel validated like the Asians he wanted his friend to hit on to get experience. Well, thanks for the racism I guess. I knew not what it felt like before I knew him. Good old days lol. Maaan. Even putting up that lame status as a way to pretend like no no I'm not racist. Just so childish and weird tbh.
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Midsommer is interesting in such a strange way. This whole clan thing just makes me super uncomfortable. I've always hated the idea of people all dressing the same and just living together this way, something about that is super unsettling. I suppose the movie is doing a good job of capturing it. And Florence man. What a fine actress. Just so sublime.
This movie is freaaaakyyy!! So very creepy. Daytime horrors are just too much.
Oh for fucks sake wuuut. FUCK. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING IN IT OMGGG.
Oh my godddddd what the hell is this film fuck.... Brrrruuuh
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Okay I cannot watch this.
Shit I'd rather just see Alcaraz Paul instead when does it start? Zomg.
Lmao they held the ceremony at the palace haha. Only the of crowd would know how low key funny it is. This city was so small and fun back then. Way too crowded now. I liked the chill pace and the cool climates and the bobs and the machas. I feel like that flavour is kinda lost now. Oh well. Tis what tis. I wonder how the tournament is going. There's just so many happening all the time it's hard to tell if it's of any importance or not at times. Esp with the same names. Becomes a bit tough to distinguish. If I knew earlier I could have maybe checked it out. Oh it's at Lalit Ashok too. Man, all old bangalore og venues. Shit they had that nightclub we once went to lmao. What was it called again? Sutra. Oh maaan. What a throwback. That dj was studied in our uni always walking around with attitude hahaha. Good times.
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What a lazy ass day today. Just whiling away time.
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I can only beat 1700s now. I have fallen. 😕
5.30 am on a Sunday and I am upppp! Wow. It's like a whole new world out here. I can hear birds. BIRDS 🐦
Jeez.
And whose surname is merida? That name is stuck in my mind since yesterday like who is it? Ugh. Something to do with chess.
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Fritz lost? Wut? Keys too. Her I expected tbh. But damn Fritzy. Lol imagine tsitsi actually makes a deep run for once. Wouldn't that be something.
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Magnus is in town lol. Didn't even know. Feels so weird to know that the goat of chess is chilling here. Oh all of them are here. Sindarov etc. nice nice. Haven't followed any event in ages maybe see some today.
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Meh. Fucking lost so much idc about stupid chess hope everyone else also loses fuck this game. Stupid opponent leaving game is the only elo I got fuck this
Watched Zakhm for the first time. Man, I'm mind blown by how delicately this movie was made. Whatever happened to the quality of films since. And back in 1998 no less.
It's wonderful how far the country has come since then though. I'm glad tbh. I've always hated division amongst people and I hope it minimises to a point of nothing over time. One of my deeper wishes. In my heart I've always strived to respect people, especially ones that society tries to shun because fuck that. It's just as heartbreaking today as it was when I was a kid. Watching this film reminded me of the crazy amount of weird social bullshit that used to exist.
Also, whatever the fuck happened to the bhatts that they went from making this to shit like murder lol. Sheesh. Talk about falling into an abyss lol.
Well, I'm glad the movie was worth the time. Very nice 🙂
Buying a lungi for dad and it now comes with pockets and a waistband lmao. Might as well call it a skirt but nooooooo. Men and their men ness. Haha.
Maaaan. This is just too cute ngl. I am super duper fond of my father, aren't i? Just. As much as I have hated him for being a stubborn ass, he is just so sweet and gentle when he is in his element that I can't but love him lots.
Is it a coincidence that I fall in love with only stubborn mules? Like I've never truly loved a guy until I sense that one mulish quality in him.
Oh lord. Just never let me unpack this ever. We shall put it inside a box and pretend it doesn't exist. 😂💪🏼
ONWARDS and UPWARDS ☝🏼
Wie süß, wunderbar!
Sehr gut, sehr gut.
Heh. I can't help but laugh at how flippy offy geoguessr is today 😂.
What was that quote in the Godfather? "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in"
Haha, nein. Not today!
I prefer heat over cold for playing conditions. Interesting. There's something so lovely about the sun beating down on my face 😈. Before I detour into song, I must say that feeling was pure bliss for me.
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Hope the rest of my day goes well. I get so tired these days. I like that feeling more or less. It takes away any time you might spend on bs lol
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S used to have this massive hard on for Gibran. Came across his poetry today and I remember liking this back then too. Still holds up. Something about expressing ideas that examine the essence of a thing really sits right with me.
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Sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. Bang on! 🏹
Since carlitos is making this popular why not hehe.
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Naive old me used to own a domain called I don't like bananas back when blogging was a new found thing. And as I chomp on my 🍌 rn I feel life has come a full circle. 😕 I am a convert. This fruit gets me through the day when my energy is low and my body is like feeed meeeeee.
Ugh. Yet another part of growing older that sucks.
I love bananas. Hehe. Chi. Sounds so bad. Tastes so yum now though. 🤭
Why am I so immature?
I am convinced at my level noone knows how to play chess. It's just such piss poor quality games. Like toddlers colouring in books. It's so bad yo. Just. Eeyuck. Heartfelt 🤢
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I am again in bed by 8 pm lol. Nuts. Lmc if I can play more. I'm just so tired though. Such a long day!
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https://36questionsinlove.com/
I remember doing the proust questionnaire once with S and he and I had logged out answers in that website that used to store it. Man. It's been years and idk where it is. I would love to revisit what I used to think back in 2012 lol. I wish it still existed or I had saved a copy.
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I'd love to do this with someone someday though. That would be so nice. It's a great way to get to know someone tbh.
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I'm tired in that weird way where falling asleep seems really hard and really necessary. How to?
