When I see you

~ 

I see you with the eyes of love. 

The lines on your face, the frowns, the smiles, the way your chest moves. The ruggedness, the temper, the way your voice can croon. The grumpiness that can spark annoyance. I am honest enough to notice things as they are, but I do not weigh myself down by the lens of judgement. 

I'm an optimistic beaver perhaps. I feel like I'm called to build. These days all I build are walls. Shame. Hopefully that will change. 

For now, I see you getting older...the subtle signs of age...they creep up on everyone, as they do on you. And you are conscious of them, aren't you? More than most. I wonder if that means you find yourself hard to love. Do you need to be perfect? We all fall short of that, that's one of life's constants.

I used to think love was pristine and perfect or atleast it was meant to be. Little did I know. 

I see all this now and maybe a bit more, lord knows you aren't perfect, neither am I. And yet I view it all...as always with the eyes of love.

All the kinks, all the insecurities, the subtleties...they endear me to you. I like to make you smile. Even if it's just for a moment. Nah. Tbh poetry aside, I wish you'd smile a lot more and be happier. I like it when you tease and take things lightly. The way you can make jokes in that voice of yours. That humor is just wicked good. Damn. I'd love for you to share my lens, and see that you are loved just as you are. Some days less, other days more... But always loved. No matter what. 

Loving you is a part of my soul. I fear that knowledge most times. But I love you just the same. How could I not?

Little by little, I have discovered this one unshakable truth - 

it's those things people tell us are flaws, stuff they tell us to hide, to keep hidden, pretend it doesn't exist...to be ashamed of even...those are the very things that actually make me love you so fucking goddamn much. 

Flavours of ice cream and flavours of you. Could never say no to either of that. 

~

Me - 2025

~

The corollary must also hold good I suppose. Maybe if you were perfect...I would not love you at all. Hehe. Suck it. 😘

Pete Yorn, Glass, 2K, Me and Tchaikovsky

Real Good Love 

That video has all that I love hehe.

Two whole days questing that elusive rating just so I could hang up boots. Hehe. Didn't get it yet. Dayum. 

~

Got it. After two days. To the sound of Philip Glass haha. 

Company 2

~

Maaan. What a song. That urgency oof. Signature Glass. 

~

Someone was right, stupid ass soundtracks can be nice. Ugh. 

Charms

~

A fitting image for Tchaikovsky

Pas de deux

What a pretty, pretty song. Oof. ♥️

The Backwater. 

~

Ugh. Canon snuck up on me again. Lol. Gotta banish it for good. Stupid ass reminder of things unhappy. Goodbye ye terrible song, reminder of vulnerability you be. No thank ee. Never again. 🚫

AlphaGo

Ugh. Literally just sitting in a corridor. ♥️😭💀

The other day I thought the only time this person might be zen is when he is acting the part to piss someone off. I remembered it now and I just can't stop laughing. This assery would be tolerable if it weren't punctuated with non caring. Too bad.  

Attack in Kashmir and dad is nearby and mom is worried asf. Sometimes I worry so much about my fam. People making jokes about Vance visiting causing doom in threads I saw but they don't realise how serious it all is. Him being here has nothing to do with it. Testament to bad parenting and upbringing that these people can be so flippant and cavalier. He himself was very respectful tbh. 

~

It's so hard to be secular when I read stuff like this. Asking people their religion so you can decide who to kill for no reason. All my life I've treated people as fairly as I can and yet reading about this stuff in this day and age makes me feel defeated. My friend is posted nearby and he might be called into active duty again. Just don't even know what to say. 

~

Lol. In the midst of all this dad still lying to mom about having left from there. 💀💀 Why are men like this? Just. Loool. Just doesn't like conflict so does everything to avoid. Maybe all guys are like this lol. Smh man. Learn to understand concern you all. 

Cue stress release laughter. 

Rudolf Spielmann

Checking some of his games out. So nice. And kinda relatable too. Just goes for mate in everything haha. I like. Chess has so much history and I love these attacking players a lot. 

~

Oh wow born on d's bday and died on a's. Damn. 5th may and 20th aug are both such recurring dates in my life. And 9th dec. Weird. 

~

 His life is so tragic though. A jewish person in Austria at that time. :( 

There's so much more to life than a game. I wish people lead happy lives. 

Pope Francis

I admired your grit, compassion, inclusivity and your empathy. ♥️

On Easter Monday no less. You were one of the good ones. 

~

Ugh. You were a cutie old man... And one of the few who openly embraced everyone I am sad now. A life well lived. I hope someone worthy succeeds you. I'm sorry there are some folks in this world that want to negate you. I guess that's the price we pay for standing up for the ones the world tries to shun. But I hope you were loved by people close to you. 

RIP Pope. 

Amen. ♥️

It's been a nice day. Sinners had FANTASTIC music. Love the soundtrack. 

Too bad I can never look at icecream the same way again. 💀

Lick it like it's ice cream. Not too hard, not too soft. Like you enjoy it but you want it to last. 

- could not help but rofl

~

One of those days when I want to taste your mouth on mine. 

~

Something about wearing white today just feels nice. On a sunny day, feels pristine. 

~

Sinners is fantastic wow. Music is so seamless. V cool. 

~

For Easter 

Why not? Hehe. Might as well just taste a cupcake instead. 

~

I have an eyelash on my cheek, so can we make a wish too?

Pls? 

Lions among us

I miss the era of respect. 

I miss the times when you had leaders you look up to because they hold themselves to high standards and in turn, ask you to be your best selves. That was the whole point of the symbol. That one embodiment of who we are, who we aspire to be. 

It's easy to fall into muck and grime. It's so lowly to do that though. So let's not. And you should be discerning. You should learn to be differentiating. And you should... God knows you should learn to think for yourself. It's a person's most precious asset. The ability to look at a thing, a person, a problem with equality and equanimity and never think less or more of yourself in relation to it. But have the faith that you can measure yourself against anything and you willlll give it your best. That self belief is the bedrock of sportsmanship. I believe that's the crux of ubermensch. ( Nietzsche be damned but my god the man was clever. )

I just fundamentally miss all of that. Maybe it's my military upbringing. Always knowing your ps and qs. Conducting youself with dignity and poise. All of it is so important. Dignity in self, is so important. 

And I miiiiiisssss the era of gentlemen. When men were gently protective, and so were women. Just in different ways. 

~

I want to see the rise of leaders that once again embody a higher ideal. So we may once again look at the future with hope and yearning not fear and distrust. Or disgust, as I seem to be feeling these days. 

~

The heart of a narcissist is a fucking coward and he shall never be a lion. I wish some scripture had just stated that bluntly. 

Oh wow. Sending people to prison for being brown. Is this what the world has come to? 

Fuck dude. In my entire life, I've never once been conscious of my skin and now suddenly seeing the world feels so sick. Being brown really does make people uncomfortable huh? Damn dude. I wish I could rewind the last few years. Back then I'd never ever even though to refer to myself by a colour it's so dehumanizing. And here I am. Having seen so much shit behaviour in the last few years. I am truly disgusted with the world. 

~

There goes my happy afternoon wine high. Lol. 

 

A teeny oops

I was SOOOOOO tempted to heckle ugh. Who tf loses to a wgm like. Just. Really wanted to lol. You know. Like. Sometimes you just want to annoy someone cuz they annoyed you lmao. Juuuust wanna fight haha. God. Fights make things better also once in a while just yell at each other then cool off and be nice again. Haha... But he wusses out of those also has to act like he is some serene zen monk. Probably the only times in his life he might have managed that feat is when he is trying to annoy someone tbh. Actually fighting it out works when both people trust each other and know it's not going to go out of hand and neither will get hurt deeply, like both know how to fight with each other. Guess he and I don't know that. Or rather, he doesn't. He tends to get super mean so that doesn't work. Gotta fight to stop being mad not to destroy the other person sheesh. He just doesn't know that. One more thing to add to list of things huh? In all fairness I'm sure he would also like to give me a earful. Deffo would have wanted to atleast once lol. At least. Well, too bad he can't. 🙈

~

Haha good humoured me takes things lightly and knows how to handle people, even difficult ones. Mopey me will be like world has ended and unless you fix it I won't talk. Haha. I am an ass for sure. ♥️💀 I kiiiinda know it. But ass side only comes out during times of egregious trouble. Once someone makes me feel safe and cozy I become all sweet and doting lol. Hehe, I do love doting and fussing over people tbh. I call other people children but it seems to me I might also be one 💀😂. OOPSIES. Yeah whatever idc, good humoured me also is one of my worst enemies, forgives too many sins. She can stfu. [Person who ignored you when they know someone passed away is not someone that deserves grace. Anyhoo. Ergo stfu good humoured me - do not forget this. ]

~

But seriously though. Wgm and all. That title is a hoax first of all.🥲🤦‍♀️

~

Lord, if he had lost to that CM also then idek might have actually sent him a scolding lol. Tf is he doing even. Shouldn't be losing to total clowns as tiafoe would say. Haha he should really get that 28 it's about time honestly. Or don't. What do I care? AND declining gambits too. Sheesh. Wussing out pro maxx. 🙄 I'm soooooo tempted to say it haha. Would irritate him like mad. Hehe. Oh well. If he ever gets to 28, I'll probably have to congratulate. Nah, that awful lol makes me never want to say another word. Well, too bad. "Only once in my life I've been there waaah" as if it's not within realm of possibility. Haha, hate him regardless of all this. On that I shall stay firm.  😤♥️

~

Hehe. I'm in a good mood today and now feel like just being chirpy and adding many emojis 🤭

~

You know what? I'm gonna have a nice cold glass of wine. ♥️ Banish thoughts of those that get 'uncomfortable' eff it. 

Cheers!

Feet up, and a desire to heckle lots. Lord knows some people in particular deserve it. 😘

~

My take on mimosas are so much better than actual mimosas. Also, I love rose. That colour is so pretty and it matches what I'm wearing today hehe. All peachy and pink. 

Feel very stir crazy without exercise just so restless. Like a cooped up doggo. Which reminds me... When people take our advice and suggestions... Isn't it just polite to say thanks? Heh. Just remembered something and realised the person in question took my suggestion then never told me they did. Until I noticed then just didn't say anything. 

Lol. What can we do but laugh, eh? 

~

Hehe. 

Teardrops on the fire. Feathers on my breath. 

Qgd

Ugh this man is like poetry in motion ooof I just love this. Istg his thirst for just knowledge is so damn neat. 😭 

I miss the games he commentated on first time loved chess commentary too. Maaaan. I should ask when the next round of coverage will happen, would love to sit through a nice grind session haha. Ugh. Who plays qgd like this maaaaaan aaaaaaaa. 

LOVE! 💕 

Why are all fms and ims similar rating on lichess? Sometimes I really wonder. Seeing rosen and he is 2800 bullet and 27+ blitz. Gauri is an fm and he is 3k bullet and 2700 blitz. Remember bartholomew also being sameish. Yet their styles are so different esp gauri whose bullet was nowhere close to how even Sadler plays. Sadler ofc loses on time a lot but his games are beautiful. Hmmm. Will try to observe these peeps. Or can just watch Gurel lol. One of two finds on lichess that I love so much. Kid's games are really fun too. 

All scriptures are rooted in one fundamental. Actions have consequences. 

~ 

This is a core tenet that I believe should not be erased from this world. It's one of the most important things in life. For a good life. I recall that question Socrates had asked. Does God like a deed because it is pious or is a deed pious because god likes it? It a very deep question I suppose. In my mind it's simply loved by gods because it is pious. That way, you place virtue as the highest good, actions that even gods bow to. I like that thought. It says we all aspire to the highest good. There's humility in that. 

~

These days, more so than ever... I believe man needs a framework of virtue to aspire to. It's so important. Every symbol we have, points to that. Symbols of good. In all our stories... Good defeats evil. And it must, so we have something to aspire to. Because it isn't easy to cast aside selfishness. It's unchecked power, imbalance, lack of consequences... That is the root cause of suffering. And I guess the only way to alleviate it, would be if we care just as much about others as we do ourselves. Like a zero sum game except for good. Is it possible? Heh. A good question too. 

Red

Painted my nails red and then suddenly just felt like hmmmm. Maybe getting all dolled up is not me anymore. Idk. Weird. But I like looking and being natural a lot more now. Even the colours I use have shifted to subtle ones. Enhance, not change. Heh. Let's see how this goes. I like looking pretty, it's not like I'm immune to it. But I do like subtlety more now.  Hmmm.

~

2001

 Woohooo I'm 2001 blitzzzz. 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

~

Fuck. I was 700 when I started playing, and even now I know I suck at chess haha. Fuck. Beautiful. ♥️

~

Ok now rapid again from tomo.  

Omg. I really wanted that damn 2k so much.  Hehe. + rapid 2k soon. Ugh I'm so excited but I also want to sit on this number for just atleast half a day before tanking it lol. Omg feels so nice 🙂

Edit: 2002. 2007. 

Omg. 🙀

~

I wish I knew someone who loved chess so I could share this milestone UGHHHHG. 

~

Ugh. I beat a 2100 also now. 🙀♥️ Wing gambit bestest. Noticing how people who don't play against it go e6. Interesting. They want to save le pawn. Pussies. 

 

Hahahahha it knows I like forearms omgggg wtff. Buuut completely missed the mark on it tbh. Where's the messy hair and disgruntled demeanor that's catnip to me? Tooo clean, gemini. Waaay too slick for me. Hehe. 

Well, 100x better generation than whatever this was ahahhaha. Funnest thread I've seen in a long time. 

 Taking over

Nov 2022. Felt like homecoming. How I loved this song that time. Now I can barely stand to hear it. Heh. Times they are a changin'

~

Someone had told me once that I have a tendency to withdraw which comes across as attitude but once he got to know me he realised it's just my way of protecting myself and it struck me as odd at the time. Guess I'm beginning to see what he meant. Heh. Oh well. I guess people who eventually do fit into our lives are the ones who complement our insecurities and soothe them over. Probably for the best too. 

~

Couldn't finish this song.

Will ask Maya if this is a funny post or offensive hehe. Sometimes its just hard to know with religion how people perceive things. 

Ugh this old man rabbi is so cute. I love these grandpas tbh, just look adorbs! Hehe. I like bearded men so much just feel so safe around them idek why. Haha and I wanna tug at it also lil bit 🤭🤭🤭🤭

~

Oh hey even Passover started this weekend right. Lmc. Think it coincides with easter. Damn I should have wished her. Maybe when they are back from hawaii. 

FedEx might play moreeeee. Omg. Lord make this happen this year plsss. 

~

Hearing naros views on stuff and I can't help but think of him as someone sweet but also someone full of himself. Lol. Reminds me a lot of people who get very taken by the idea of virtue and fairdoing but then end up tying themselves in knots when their own human traits are put through stress tests demanding they hold the line. Heh. It's interesting academically to me, but in the end I ask myself would I want to be friends with them? I don't know. I like people that are simpler and who kinda just intrinsically know how to handle situations. In my mind there's always a subjective and an objective component to every conversation and act. And what weightage you provide to whichever side is the balancing act that determines how selfish v considerate you are. In the end, people who jerk off to the idea of their own virtue inevitably end up being selfish asf and don't really check their own behaviour because too busy fancying themselves as righteous. Think ' I'm just honest' types who say brutal shit under the guise of this label. Heh. I guess I do not presume to think of him in particular to be that way since I don't really know him, but in my mind this archetype is fairly set. Hmmm... People are fascinating, no doubt about that. 

Woohooo waterworks have stopped and cramps have set innnn. Celebrations!! 🥲💯😭💀

Like I've told myself since I was 16... better periods than preggers. Lord. Time to pop a pill. 💊 🙏

Zero 7

Everyone stop.

~

Do you believe? In what you see? 

~

I finally kinda understand this song lol. Took me long enough. 

I'm glad my lastFM still lives haha. Every year or so I can go back and check it. Should check T's also tbh. He listens to some good stuff. 

~>

You're a joker and imma fooo'

What is a girl to do?

Alea iacta est, meus amor. ♥️

Ifs and Hugs

Lately I've been asking myself what love really is. And I find myself back at the hospital seeing my old, old, old grandmum, just lying there. And my mom in constant attendance. The safety you feel in the presence of ones who love you and care for you. You know in your most vulnerable state, someone protective is around to ease everything as much as they can. It's not pretty business either. Monitoring your health includes monitoring even stuff like regular bowel movements, helping where you need to and doing all of it because you want that person to feel comfortable. You are loved when someone chooses to care for you in that way. I guess that's what we all seek too, or atleast most of us. To be cared for in our most vulnerable, naked, ugly states. I should not use the word ugly maybe. Because I don't find it so. But it is not all rose gardens and beauty. I've seen the same care my uncle show his wife especially during the end. The way we both cried immediately when she said something to us. He also never left her side, always helped. 

The way mum hugged me after she passed and I hope she knew then that I'll also be as caring, and that in my way I have been doing that despite all the bad feelings my childhood left me with. 

Being there for each other, being reliable, coming through for someone. That's what love is. And you are indeed lucky if someone willingly chooses to love you. Hehe. So when I choose to love someone, he will be lucky. I should  remember that. As would I be. And for that I have to wait I guess. And that's ok. I think it would honestly be worth it. Not in a end of time and life kinda way, but just in an everyday... I choose you, through thick and thin kinda way. And through the inevitable monotony that will creep in from time to time. That's the part that's sometimes dangerous cuz it leads people astray. The only thing I really feel afraid of facing and lord I hope I never have to. I just don't want my life to shatter that way. Heh. And after seeing how shitty people can be, there's a new layer of skepticism as well about the what if of love too. Will it stay? Will it grow? So many what ifs. I guess it comes down to chance and luck. I can't imagine not being devoted to the person I love and whatever form of family we create. And sometimes I fear maybe I'm just too damn old fashioned for this world lol. Like my one fav drink no less. Robust, vintage, with a hint of orange. Funnily enough even my fav smells and perfumes always contain blood orange and it's my fav fruit too lol. Tart, robust and citrusy. Hehe. I like digressing. 

Love happens over time and deepens over time. Takes time to grow. It's built on action, steadiness and a sense of mutual dependence. Like hey watching some netflix with you on this boring ass day is a hell of a lot better than not watching Netflix with you lol. But it grows in strength and grows in steadiness only when bolstered by respect and care. For that there is no substitute. I know this deep in my heart. I know sometimes love isn't a choice and you just give your heart to someone who is careless with it. That's painful. I hope I'm done learning lessons here though. I'd like a boring night with Netflix over another lesson now haha. I know I'm a good person to invest in. I just have to keep that at the back of my mind so I am aware of it more than I've been before. Let's not be careless with ourselves I guess. Well, I'll try my best. Heh. What else can I do? 

~

I grew up believing I was a very detached person. I never wanted to tie myself down to someone or someone's family. I didn't want any responsibility of others because god it looked like a noose. And I suppose responsibility without love is a noose. A stifling one. I won't deny that. But once I realised I have power over my own life and choices, that started to change. It took a while to take power back too. Now that I have, none of it looks bad cuz I see it from a position of strength, not weakness. 

Heh. If only the old detached me could look at me now. She would deffo say how mocked. :)

Cheesy spring

 

Oof

 Honestly just so beautiful. 

Love you FedEx. 

Achilles

Loool. House has an episode on a chess player and it's titled the jerk. About a patient that annoys everyone and man he is an ass. 

Lmfao I love this. Maybe I just love asses. All evidence would definitely point to that. 

~

And they play Iron Butterfly too. Oh hell yeah. 

In a gadda da vida

In-a-gadda-da-vida, honey,

Don't you know that i love you?

In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby,

Don't you know that i'll always be true?

Umm umm ummmm. Hearing it after so damn long god I love classic rock. ♥️

Feels weird to tread new paths sometimes. Comfort and complacency go hand in hand but is that really so bad?

~

Reading more of yarvins bullcrap god how I hate that I actually do have the same love for Borges that he seems to. Just any evidence of similarity in influences makes me wanna puke. I have a fundamental distaste of people who simply can't come up with original thought and instead just piecemeal a buffet of borrowed ideas and tie them loosely together with a strain of grandeur and wishful thinking. Now, I'm not opposed to grandeur in the least, I feel a large part of achivement simply lies in obsession towards a grand scale vision but it's also juuuuuust that. And that's the bit that a lot of chasers don't seem to get or idk they are so consuuuuumed by the idea of gold that they just pontificate and sell it around and boom! There you have a cult at your hands. And you know what I hate about cults? How completely they devolve into juuuuuust the most basic of human vices that's all. Like a fucking clogged drainpipe. All headed by some lunatic that can't let go of his rabid dream because guess what... Zero self mastery. Just zero. If an idea rules you, thou art a slave, doomed to never ever be bigger than that one idea. Forever bowing your spine to it, never realising it or yourself.  Reducing yourself to the level of that robot in rick and morty that passes butter, except by your own choice. What an ugly sight to behold. Eeeyuck. Even the names he uses are just references and nicknames he has borrowed like ugh how singularly unoriginal. Like a teenager wearing their fav band shirt and making it their personality. Look at me I follow this cool thing ergo I'm so cool. 

Ugh. 

I feel like flinging poop from a slingshot. Smack. 

~ 

Periods are late might as well indulge in infuriating myself reading this bs. God my soul is appalled, apppaaaallled at this stuff ughhhh. 

Moooore. 

~

I guess with all this madness around maybe just self focus is a way through it all. That and kindness. Now I can't do without it, I'm sure of that. Checked after long, and I noticed just now he didn't try to hide self this time. That's actually nice I appreciate it for some reason. 

~

Lmfao. It's a day later and I feel like laughing at this irony. Everytime, everyyyytime I'm close to feeling like hmmm maybe say hi I read stuff like date thy neighbours hahha. Ooooh serves me right lol. Touche. Well, there goes any and all nostalgia yet again! Au revouir. Le world is simply a buffet for him, always to take, never to put anything back. And who cares for wasted food, there's always more more more. Beauty of all you can eat, even better when you don't have to ever pay. 

Am I being a dick rn? A little bit. Maybe more than a little bit. I am well aware of that. Ugh. Curses. 

~

I see the world now and I'm more and more sure there's just pure malice, stupidity and evil in many souls. It's so scary to see, esp when masks are off and people are nasty in broad view. The world has changed in a few short months to a place that's a lot more grim and I don't like it one bit. But the way things are now, I am convinced in my soul that nothing short of genuineness is something I will go close to. This isn't aimed at anyone in particular, lest I be read and misinterpreted. Just musings. I don't equate anyone I actually know with pure evil. Esp not people I miss from time to time and then get mad at lol. Atmost they are Schrodinger's evil. Ergo might just be v nice or maybe that's wishful thinking who knows. Little slivers that I never mentioned that kinda snuck in make me feel that can be a possibility. But those I will not mention. Shrouded in ego is never a good thing though. Prevents people from actually seeing it. I'm also sure they've made a lot of mistakes, I'm not fooling myself on that. But to be around me and with me, all that will have to change. No more evil, you know. I am letting go of all of that. It's safe to say I would not trust you with my heart, but complete loss of respect should be avoided. 

I don't know how to phrase it, but hmmmm. I guess the instinct that makes you care for someone should not blind you to the fact that your care may simply be a tool for them to manipulate you or use you. Funny how care has always felt like an anchor but for once I'd like the anchor to be meaningful and something that helps you be rooted, helps you navigate tides and in general help you be grounded in a positive way, not something that pulls at you without giving a fuck about drowning you. Meh. I will never lose the will to care I suppose. Atleast I hope not. That's who I am and losing that would just mean the essense of me is destroyed. That's god's absolute truth. And the sheer emptiness of not being cared for in even a tiny way is extremely soul crushing and I guess that's pretty much the precipice I've experienced these last few years. I don't like it and I don't want it and honestly it's just sheer emotional torture to experience and I am dooooone with that phase. Just mightily done.  Life and things need never be this difficult for no reason. I also do not wish to forever be waiting for an ounce of decency and I do not want to revisit this thought of lack ever again either. I owe myself that as well. Ergo, from this moment on... I shall not ever expect or want any decency from you in particular, you are not capable of it, I accept that. And with that I let that expectation go. Godspeed. I wish you well, I suppose I always will. Bang thy neighbours, my best wishes to you both. 

~

Time for a good, solid start. Like the baby shampoo bottles say... No more tears. And yes, I'm aware this overtly dramatic mood I'm in deffo has periods written all over it too but what to do it is existing atm. A doomsday a month. 

~

Heh. Let's bore self with more of yarvinz.  Ugh..more like disgust self with it. This is the kinda stuff that makes the world a sad place to be, people like this. And they make me want to do my bit to make the world a tiny bit better. Hehe. Yeah. I want that, and I feel a little spark of joy in knowing that. Better to be a Borges anyday. 

Cheers to that. Clink. 

Bond

I mean. 

104. What a number. Feels like living in a reality show where everything is burning but you can't stop watching. I have no clue how any of this plays out but the fact that noone else possibly does either is making me laugh in the face of this mammoth adversity. 

A heartfelt BRUH. 

RIP world economy. 💀 To the tune of Adele singling Skyfall. 

Follow the leader 

Says Matthew Ryan. 

Dammit. These songs creep up on me again. When we were kids, P used to invent bfs to keep the actual boys at bay. She named him this. Weird are the things that stick with you.  

Let's change the song. 

Running up the hill

This one conversation with mom totally convinced me that the one thing I will never settle for in life is someone who simply deflects responsibility for their actions by blaming you and gaslighting and/or playing the victim. Tired of nasty people. Really, completely, utterly tired of them. I can't do it anymore. If people want me in their lives they can bloody well make an effort to be nice. Else fuck off. 

Never again. 

Tathastu.

Late nights with Thievery Corp

All that we perceive

Sensual singing, boiler room vibe, dim lights. I like it so much. 

Keane

- I always come back you hehe. You and black keys. Mmm mm mmmm

Iceman

RIP. Was just writing about you the other day dammit. :(