Whenever I see any of the latest vlogs by pewds... I always notice the wholesomeness of it all. How he is such a nice father, and such a loving husband. I'm sure they have their ups and downs but you can't question his love and loyalty for his family. And his friends.

My inner world is very calm and peace loving. And soft. My outer layers a lot of the times were defensive, because my environment forced me to feel like I want to protect myself. I don't want that to be the future. I don't want to feel the need to protect myself. I want my environment itself to be protective of me, and for me to feel happy and safe and at ease all the time. I don't want to be like M's friends' mom who felt the need to protect herself and her kid from that abusive dad. Even in a small way, I don't want to ever be in a situation where I'm on high alert. There are trade-offs and compromises I'm happy to make in life for people, but I'm not willing to put myself in a situation where I have even an iota of a doubt that a person in my circle is not a good person. 

That r post was tough for me to read. I don't believe harsh words and meanness is a way to help someone grow. Making someone feels inferior is not okay. It's been bothering me lots. 

He once said...'No son of mine would play like you' to his friend. I didn't like that line then. I didn't point it out because it's between them but to me it wasn't funny. Knowing that guys' family history and the countless number of times his dad has abused him. To then say something like this openly to a kid who you consider a friend. Do you really not see how wrong it was? How awful it is to attempt crush someone's spirit like that? Because why? Who cares if he doesn't play well, not everyone has to become an elite player whether or not they have the potential. That kid stays with an abusive asf lady because he craves love so much, him putting up with lines like this is just more of the same. Please see that. I'm a woman, and my instincts eventually go towards creating a wholesome environment. And if I ever have a kid, and that kid turns out to be the biggest doof on the planet, I would still never allow for his father to say something like 'you can't be my son if you play this' etc. 

Lol. Similarly, I don't want to ever doubt that you'd be anything but kind and caring and a goofy dad. One that only loves them to bits and is supportive and sweet even if they are complete idiots. I hope my read into you having your heart in the right place is the correct one, and everything else is noise. 

I guess it bothered me lots to read that shit, and the worst part was not a single person said otherwise. The most I saw was that one account saying oh I believe the bit about berating a student cuz the student may have said something stupid. Saying something stupid isn't giving anyone a licence to be mean. Humiliating someone isn't cool, it goes into abusive territory. Being insensitive to others isn't some great achievement. 

I don't know how much of that is true, how much exaggerated and I don't care to think of it any more because I don't want to think badly of you. And I don't. 

It's not like I haven't seen you be gentle, I have. I understand it's hard to deal with someone like A as well. And I know you want to see him happy and make good choices. I see all that as well. And I know in my heart that you would like to see him do well. 

I guess maybe I wish to witness a touch of humility, gentleness and strength in you outright, one that seeks to be good and kind. That's my honest, heartfelt wish and I hope someday I can proudly state that you are a good man. Just that. And that others can too. Freely, openly, repeatedly. Just... Oh man, he is so nice. That's the best brag I'd actually want to say about you. Not that you have xyz accomplishments, but that my god, you are just so nice and I am so lucky you are in my life.