War in Syria, protests in SK and France toppling govt. Was the world always crazy or did I simply not know about it? Fuckz.

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Mum going to live with dad finally. Must have missed him lots these couple of months. Damn man. Well, good for them both hope it feels nice. Hehe. Wish them the best. Love man, love is the answer. Everytime! Haha. 

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Sometimes it feels like... When you look for a little bit of affection and such and you don't get it.... It can be the most alienating experience in the world. I know my mom has primarily felt that and that's why her marriage was so troubled. 

I learnt early on not to look for it, but I suppose it's what makes me fall for a person now. I don't see myself loving anyone who isn't sweet to me or makes me feel like I'm important to them in some way. It's what I need to feel secure. No games and manipulations. I don't look for it actively 90% of the time but then that 10% when I'm just tired or moody or anything else, it's feels really bad to feel negated at that point. Mind starts building a barrier against people who do that to me. Plus I think it's them being cruel so I suppose its fair to keep guard up. We used to be compelled to be around people we didn't want as kids cuz we had no choice. But as adults we do. That's why I think it's so important to break away from dynamics that are detrimental in some way. Never be around people who actively know they made you feel bad and then simply did nothing about it. But I suppose such people are the ones women cheat on as well. I've often felt the primary reason women cheat is simply because they feel negated by the men. Could be wrong, idk. Best not to judge. Idle musings on a Sunday afternoon hehe.

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Ugh ok gotta get rating back up sheesh it tanked and how. Sick of only being 1900 someday soon gotta really puuuuush