Loyalty stems from respect no. I guess that's why it's so important. Without respect, what do you even have? No trust, just insecurity lol. Whenever I feel the urge to run away, it's always cuz I sense a lack of. I can't take that. It is what it is. 🤷‍♀️

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Tis what tis

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But I don't think it'll ever come to that tbh. I somehow just feel like things will be okay. Heh. It's a weird unsettling feeling or rather used to be when I thought I needed to be all vigilant but I guess you gotta give people a chance too. And once you decide to, you can't pull the carpet from under their feet all the times. Atleast I want to go back to being that normal nice person I always was. Free, breezy, like banter and just have fun. One can do both. Be serious and be fun. 

And I also don't want to be the kind of person that threatens someone's security. I think it's wrong to just disappear on someone. It's also wrong that this one person in particular will get all egoistic and not reach out themselves lol. Gaandu. But whatever like. It's not as if I want someone to beg me to stay or prostrate themselves obv. Nor do I want to be the cause of anxiety in anyone. But I do want to feel like I'm important to them. That matters to me a lot. 

+ What I interpret as him doing wrong doesn't justify what I do either. It ends up being reactive only. Gotta reach calmer waters at some point ya. Can't just be a dick. Anyway, let's try to do better and more responsive. I have no intention of diluting my own needs or wants, nor do I intend to give unnecessary importance to someone who wouldn't be good to me, but I don't have to be a dick either. At the end of the day the bottom line is that I wish to be around someone who gives me importance the right way, no half assery. 

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And I wish to be someone who has read Tal's book zomg. Love it so much.