Memories

Oh maaaaaan. Such an old pic. Hahah. Fuck randomly googs throwing up old memories. We were such babies. I looked sooooo different then haha. Heh. My first proper bf. Lmao, and you asked me to marry you at 21. God I flipped out so hard that time fuck. Cried an entire night knowing I didn't want that.  💀

Hehe. So many people regret their firsts etc, I do not. It was a nice time. I don't think I was in love. And my mom finding this pic and recognising those stupid curtains and immediately asking wtf he was doing in my house hahahaha. Fuck. Idk what random lie I must have told her then. 

Man I have a bit of a type, don't I? Funny hair, nerdy, a bit baby ish. Mathematics, guitar and table tennis he played.  Fuck, I think the last we met was just before he left for Booth. I remember  how pissed he was that he didn't get Wharton. Hahaha these man children... Always I have to pick those. 

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Damn. I was so young then, I don't think I knew what love was. And I didn't love him, but I was v fond of him. And I respected his work ethic. Puppy love, maybe. 

I never wanted to end up with him cuz he was way too selfish and hmmmm. It used to feel bad that the only times he would make an effort was when he could come over to have sex. I hated that. And I knew when he mentioned marriage that I can simply never be with someone who for a lifetime would just treat me as an object but never be considerate of my feelings. Like you aren't a bad guy, but my god so selfish. I'm not cut out to deal with that. Loads of other girls can, they know how to keep guys like him. I simply can't lol. Sometimes I wish I was transactional that way but when it comes to love I'm just an idealist for better or for worse. Lol. I possibly choose the worse and not the better but I suppose when you have one life and your heart tells you to be authentic, you should just follow that instinct. 

Heh. V. The guy who ran my phone bill through the roof  and told me if I tell him more than 10 secrets, he would forget the first cuz ten is the max number he can keep. 💀🤣

Good memories, I'm glad I met most people I have met in my life. 

I don't feel nostalgic about any of this now, that's interesting. Even about people I did truly love. Hehe. Well that's good, means I'm over it all in a good way. Feels nice and light. 

Ps-

Pretty sure you cheated on me that summer you were in Berkley though. Lol. I didn't realise it until years later cuz I am such a big sucker lol.