This feels so nice. Mum is happy, all teachers dressed up in saris. A bright happy classroom.

I love schools so much! They are the best! 

~

I like how teachers always dress up in these long necklaces paired with nice but staid colours. Has always been a joy to see. I know internally they can be quite catty, but in pics it just forms a nice image to me. 

Beautiful

 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbbzaYkzOCw/?igsh=eHBmc3p1YzJ6MXdn

This is truly so magical, idk how to save it but I hope oneday I see it again! 

Eating a gooseberry a day with my coffee now like. At first it tasted so yuckky but that bitterness is oddly addictive. Or maybe I'm just a masochist who knows. 

Let's see if my vit c levels become taut after this. Who knows maybe they will. 

~

Is my period round the corner? That subtle uterus whine is creeping up. Like knock knock haha look at me I'm here rnnnnn. A guest who doesn't ring a bell but rather hammers your door.

~

The new Airbender movie is outttt!!! Oofff. Bet it's better than that odyssey sheesh. Forgettable affairs.

~

Someone posted another one of ronaldos ashleel pics ewww man. Wutttt. This one is worse than anything I've ever seen. Whyyyy

I suppose I can always scare myself with it later. 

Like why tf is it above his tan line yaaaa

😩

Mum texting me that she has gone to judge a competition lol. How fun for her. Sometimes I think she should have gone back to teaching just for this kinda social interaction. 

My brother's Spotify UPI mandate just came in rn lmao. I love that I pay for his stupid account hahahah. It feels like old times, like when he used to call me at 10 am when I was at work demanding a pizza 🍕 hahah...omgg. loved itttt! 

~

Waking up with leg pain yet again. 😤 Hell yea!

However, today I looked in the mirror as I woke up and went to brush my teeth and idk if it was the morning light or whatever but I just went oooh, I feel pretty today🙈. I suppose it's wearing pink, it suits me.

I love being natural more than makeup looks now. Like by a wide margin. Tiny enhancements like scrubs and earrings or something light mascara I think are nice but overall muted colours, natural shades and in general keeping things minimal and healthy is something I really do like more and more as I age. My liking for bold colours has also kinda gone away and been replaced by softer shades. All the light pinks and blues and such. I associate beauty with harmony now I suppose. Well. As long as I don't lose my fiery nature that should be a good tradeoff. I've definitely been trying to balance that with more reserve and staidness the past few years... Let's see how much of that succeeds. I feel like I can give years to practicing stoicism and then zoop! One random thing will take me back to boisterousness. 

Like a dog that sees a squirrel, I regretfully identify with that comparison. Woof. 🐶 

~

Saving cuz why not. Embrace thy dark circles. Unfiltered asf, but waking up happy is so worth it all! ♥️

Zomg just saw Ronaldos new post like wuuut. Speaking of cosmetic enhancements and then there's this dude just becoming more and more unnatural looking every day. 

Also. Why why whyyyyy do guys who hit the gym always pose in these weird tight shorts that are rolled up all the wayyyyy? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

It's sooooo gross and feels soooooooooooo obscene like whyyyy did I have to see this omgggg. 

Ugh. Stupid footballers. 

~

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbZOf-lq04q/?igsh=Y3ViZGVnd2dteDhs

Oh man. This vibe though. Can't believe I've never seen the video before. There's also a cheetah in it hell yea baby! Fav animal for a reason! 

Gold has never enticed me before but for once I feel like a piece is so pretty it's making me want to buy it. 🥺

Just so pretty and delicate. Why you doing this to me caratlane? 😩 

Ugh. It'll look really nice on me, I just know it. Why am I such a girl sometimes? 

Simi

Simi Garewal replied to the comment omg. Hahahaa that's soooo cute ya! Heh. It's adorable that she is 80 ish and still active on her own website. What was just meant to be a silly dare from my bro actually feels sorta nice now I think about it. Well, im glad such corners of the internet exist, it's good to see such innocent grace. 

Keeping cuz one day Id like to be reminded of it. Hehe. 

Some mornings you wake up early and photos sends you a cute album. Hehe. I don't have too many pics as a kid but the few I do are so nice. 

 

~

 

I was such a weirdo lmao. Maybe still am, but who cares haha. I like seeing how happy I was. I distinctly remember absolutely loving being a child. Always in my own world, wanting to chill with friends and in general just lost in imagination. 

I used to love my weird outfits too, so fun. Can't find a single pic with a normal one lol

Crossroads

When your heart isn't willing, but your... Ugh fuck even mind isn't willing. Why? Lmao. WHY? 

~

I know I should but I do not want to, why this hold on me ya? 

Crazy.

Well, we can't term them crossroads then, can we? More like a one lane highway going straight sans exits. 

Pathetic, I am pathetic. Bah, humbug. 

~

FUCK IT. 

~

A bday selfie to preserve a year gone by. Unvarnished, as it should be. 

Song for Zula

 Phosphorescent

There was a time when I liked this song lots. Listening again and I don't resonate as much. Heh. A journey in words and lyrics. Feels strange at times. 

Heh. 

The first one is minimal and a bit pastel like and so I dig. The other is just so goofy and that smile. I like simplicity, it's the basis for trust.

COME TO ME ILL GIVE YOU LOVE AND HUGS.  

And I will never let you be down on yourself, never eva eva again.

~

Heyyy Lazarus. Heh. Porcupine Tree for the win. I'm glad I grew up on classic rock and alt rock and the likes. Steven Wilson for the win here. Blackfield, pineapple thief, dream theatre... How much I used to listen to them. Aviv Geffen collabs are so nice. Should listen again.

Funny how both these songs have moonlight in it. I like. I guess the softness of nighttime has this eerie whispery romance to it. It won't burn you. Come to us, Lazarus. I don't know too many biblical references, but I find myself gravitating towards learning some more. Feel like stories teach us a lot, and if we weren't forced to adhere, we might just willingly love. 

~

Man, some rock music had absolutely megalomaniacal lyrics. So all encompassing, cringe and fun. In Absentia and such. 

Trains

Still like the interlude in the middle.

Interesting. Lmc how Poets of the fall hold up. Carnival of rust it issss. Let's goooo

Shadow hits a ball

One of the bitchiest things about getting older is fucking warm ups man. Warm ups are a bitch. And not warming up translates to soreness. Stupid leg cramped in ten mins then I had to suck it up and finish my run with that twinge. All because I didn't bother with stretching. 

~

I do not like this at all. I don't want to injure myself so I'll have to buckle down and be a wuss and do my stretches like the good girl I am... I cannot believe djoko is still doing fucking 5 setters over 2 weeks the amount of strain that must be is insane. Oh well. I wonder how he does this season, does he exit 2nd round? Don't even know his draw though. 

~

Now that's a fantastic pic, worthy of 1st prize. Beautiful!

~

Some stuff the army community does well, it's so nice to see. 

Didn't even know our apartment lawns can be used for a small event space, but it was nice to see. Hehe. I'm proud of our armed forces, and I'm glad I grew up in their midst. I miss Gymkhanas and Polo events with hats and tiny hors d'oeuvres on toothpicks haha. 

~

Heh, the menu also says baked beans lol. How very british, even in their absence. I never realised growing up how many influences are actually Brit in the forces. From the tiered hierarchy, to the events, to sometimes the menu as well. Interesting. 

~

I want to drink and dance to rihanna. Where's my umbe rella ella eh eh

🌺

 

Sometimes you just gotta do florals. How very pinteresty of me. 

Famz

 

Maaan lmao. Curating cute moments ♥️

~

From wanting to constantly run away from them to loving them fiercely, it has been a huuuuge fucking journey. Growing up, their dynamics impacted me sooooo negatively. And sometimes even when you are older and a full fledged adult, these weird fears of being powerless or not having a say in your own life or wants etc can make you avoidant to an extent. It did to me in bits. I used to avoid even emotions lol. Or even love man. Like picking partners with whom I don't feel a deep connect always felt like something was missing. But the missing ingredient was simply me not wanting to risk opening up and choosing people whom I never really saw a future with, just folks to keep around at the time. That's sad. It's not as if they were bad or anything. They just weren't who I was looking for and ones I should have looked for scared me lol. And I hated the idea that once I love someone, I would be defenceless and they would control me and simultaneously ignore my feelings and it wouldn't matter how hurt I was, they wouldn't care etc. It wasn't exactly irrational either, I had been treated that way my my mom. Like some instrument for her needs while mine were shot down. So I know people like that exist. What a shit show their marrige was back in the day, glad it's smoother waters now. In the last few years I feel like I even chose to be around someone who behaved in that exact way, and no matter how bad I felt, it juuuust didn't matter to them. I guess granny's death anniversary is also bringing that thought home to me, but more as a musing now. But in dealing all of these people, the one thing I finally found was grounded footing lol. It made me realise that caring about someone isn't some inescapable prison, and I can and will walk away from anything that isn't keeping me happy or respected. I regret that I gave it so much time, but maybe adequate time is sometimes needed to fully cross a threshold. Hehe. Oh well, you live you learn. I'm glad to have crossed whatever paths I did, good or bad. Each helped me realise I love and respect myself and I want that to be set in stone. That comes before loving anyone else tbh. And I deffo want to love someone else too. For sure I want that. Plus in its own way it's kinda nice that I've only ever wanted to marry one person lol. I am a one man woman haha. So whatever, through all that shit atleast that one pillar never got diluted yessss. Lord, as I say this I just knooooow the one person I'll pick is someone similar to me with all these avoidant issues and commitment mindfuckery who I'll have to be patient asf with at times. But I guess there's beauty in that too tbh. It would be nice to find each other and weather these storms and high tides together as a team. Like that little dream post I wrote ages ago. How I want him to see me. Hehe. I'll find my place in his heart if it's the right person I'm sure of that. Not like I ever settle for the easy path. 

~ I think in general...care is a pathway that requires work, respect, effort but is also rewarding and should feel free and open and happy. I'd like people in my life to feel free and happy in trusting me. I guess they all do as well hehe. I can take that as credited to me because I know I work hard to keep their trust and love from my side too. From the ground up, do yourself a favour and just reserve love and care for only those who do right by you from the get go. The right people are simply ones that are willing to make that effort, the rest just avoid. I know I will hereonout. 

~

Well, I'm glad that I can be happy loving my dysfunctional parents and friends lol. And baby bro... Since it's rakhi, it's actually true that I could not have asked for a better brother hehe. I love him to bits, think the world of him and want to be all elder protective sister whenever I can. 

~

Hehe. Fuck all the shit that happened up until last year. Imma let it go and just gently pivot to the foundations of a good future. Baggage optional. 

And now to do away with philosophy and onwards to lose some chess games via cheap blunders and missed tactics. And overplaying hand. Because a day isn't complete unless you marvel at a shameful loss then proceed to outdo it. 💪 😬 

Let's goooooooo! 

Cutie patootie

Awwieeee baby FedEx Fonseca weeps also like him omgggg. I love him. I have a feeling he will be my fav in the next gen haha. Let's gooooo baby fedexxxx

~

And this guyyyyy

Cutiesssss

Footprints

...some earmark the journey of life. 

~

And the one footprint that stamps the sands of time.

~

Ugh. 

What a journey. 

~

Heh. 

Wish they had kissed too ngl lol. 

~

Bonus. And my fav pic tbh.

You can always trust a good dad, a good person, a good friend, or a good soulmate to catch you. And you know they'll never let you come to harm. 

I think this is my fav pic simply because of that. Because his mum just stood there, safe in the knowledge that the kid is in safe hands. Real men make you feel safe. Vamos ♥️

AlphaGo

Ugh. Literally just sitting in a corridor. ♥️😭💀

A teeny oops

I was SOOOOOO tempted to heckle ugh. Who tf loses to a wgm like. Just. Really wanted to lol. You know. Like. Sometimes you just want to annoy someone cuz they annoyed you lmao. Juuuust wanna fight haha. God. Fights make things better also once in a while just yell at each other then cool off and be nice again. Haha... But he wusses out of those also has to act like he is some serene zen monk. Probably the only times in his life he might have managed that feat is when he is trying to annoy someone tbh. Actually fighting it out works when both people trust each other and know it's not going to go out of hand and neither will get hurt deeply, like both know how to fight with each other. Guess he and I don't know that. Or rather, he doesn't. He tends to get super mean so that doesn't work. Gotta fight to stop being mad not to destroy the other person sheesh. He just doesn't know that. One more thing to add to list of things huh? In all fairness I'm sure he would also like to give me a earful. Deffo would have wanted to atleast once lol. At least. Well, too bad he can't. 🙈

~

Haha good humoured me takes things lightly and knows how to handle people, even difficult ones. Mopey me will be like world has ended and unless you fix it I won't talk. Haha. I am an ass for sure. ♥️💀 I kiiiinda know it. But ass side only comes out during times of egregious trouble. Once someone makes me feel safe and cozy I become all sweet and doting lol. Hehe, I do love doting and fussing over people tbh. I call other people children but it seems to me I might also be one 💀😂. OOPSIES. Yeah whatever idc, good humoured me also is one of my worst enemies, forgives too many sins. She can stfu. [Person who ignored you when they know someone passed away is not someone that deserves grace. Anyhoo. Ergo stfu good humoured me - do not forget this. ]

~

But seriously though. Wgm and all. That title is a hoax first of all.🥲🤦‍♀️

~

Lord, if he had lost to that CM also then idek might have actually sent him a scolding lol. Tf is he doing even. Shouldn't be losing to total clowns as tiafoe would say. Haha he should really get that 28 it's about time honestly. Or don't. What do I care? AND declining gambits too. Sheesh. Wussing out pro maxx. 🙄 I'm soooooo tempted to say it haha. Would irritate him like mad. Hehe. Oh well. If he ever gets to 28, I'll probably have to congratulate. Nah, that awful lol makes me never want to say another word. Well, too bad. "Only once in my life I've been there waaah" as if it's not within realm of possibility. Haha, hate him regardless of all this. On that I shall stay firm.  😤♥️

~

Hehe. I'm in a good mood today and now feel like just being chirpy and adding many emojis 🤭

~

You know what? I'm gonna have a nice cold glass of wine. ♥️ Banish thoughts of those that get 'uncomfortable' eff it. 

Cheers!

Feet up, and a desire to heckle lots. Lord knows some people in particular deserve it. 😘

~

My take on mimosas are so much better than actual mimosas. Also, I love rose. That colour is so pretty and it matches what I'm wearing today hehe. All peachy and pink. 

 

Hahahahha it knows I like forearms omgggg wtff. Buuut completely missed the mark on it tbh. Where's the messy hair and disgruntled demeanor that's catnip to me? Tooo clean, gemini. Waaay too slick for me. Hehe. 

Well, 100x better generation than whatever this was ahahhaha. Funnest thread I've seen in a long time. 

Cheesy spring

 

Oof

 Honestly just so beautiful. 

Love you FedEx. 

Waking up happy with dark circles lol. Cheers to working out though, a good sweat always makes a difference. From someone who used to put on make up to being someone that prefers being unvarnished now, it's been such a subtle change. I enjoy the occasional dress up too but I've started appreciating how good being natural feels like. Hehe. Never used to click pics thinking I don't look nice in them but now I don't mind.