What is going on with this dude lately? So glooms and strange. Barely working, doesn't seem to be happy. I hope nothing serious. Weird.

Okay anyway, I asked what else can I even say. Up to him if he wishes to share. Can't just keep asking also it feels like hammering on a shut door lol. Or you know... maybe he is just doing it on purpose. Guys do that right, just treat you with indifference until you leave them alone? Maybe it's just that. Anyway, I am a bit tired of all this like I think if he doesn't want to ever open up even a little then I need to just let it go now. 

I've finally reached a point of mental exhaustion to be honest and I can't keep giving all the time. 

~

My granny is in the ICU, and has been for two days. And my mom doesn't even want to visit her because she was so awful to her, her entire life. Lol. What a shit person you gotta be to someone that even when you are in such a state, people don't want to come near you. Pathetic no. I think a lot of people do this shit, they'll just be toxic to the point where others simply want to stay the fuck away from you. How utterly utterly tragic it is to be this way man. And I've understood this throughout my life. If you give people the reins to be mean and nasty, they'll just be abusive till the day they die cuz that's all they know how to be. I understand what Meg once told me about her dad too. How he has so much arrogance and attitude that in the end he is a shitty person and her mum suffered her entire life. Even in old age, they are still stuck in that dynamic. I hate it, and I'm glad meg broke the cycle and picked a good dude to be with. I will too. I'm not living my life on scraps of affection or attention or being taken for granted or being around people like half my shitty family. Fuck all that. 

Meh. Idgaf, I'll be happy and do my own thing.