Freshness

Talking to bro about life in general. It's so nice to see everyone we know doing well man. In legit happy for them all. It's great. I miss having him around though, but will visit him soon. Maybe can take an extended break and see if I can work from there. Would be fun, plan some good trips. Anyway he keeps travelling lol. Just been randomly meeting his friends in NYC and Arizona. I'd like to do a nice road trip with him. Man, if only life allowed for more flexibility. Would be great. 

Permanent wfh would just rock. Seji is also with Netflix now. Wonder how their MLE team is. But deffo a good gig, should pay atleast half a mill a year. That's good money. Heard her mum died it was so gutting to hear man. Life is indeed short. Should make the most of it while you can. 

I even deleted and muted a whole lot of random subs I was on, just the incessant trash people keep typing with their stupid life choices started getting to me lol. People are crazy man, just create a mess of their lives for no reason. All this new age bullshit about rampant cheating and broken relationships etc. Makes me realise how straight and narrow my outlook is about life. I'd never in a million years tolerate this toxicity. Bro was also telling me how he has started finding a friend of his toxic and how he realised a whole lot of people in his life are so rational and nice that he never saw this side of people before. But as his circle expands he sees this bullshit more and more. That's true. Even I've had a relatively sheltered experience and it was mind boggling to me how fuckall some people's lives and choices are, and I have no sympathy cuz they choose that shit. It's best to streamline tbh. I'm actually open-minded and non judgy about other people but in my own life I'm kinda conservative. Atleast most of my values are kinda old school. Helping friends, family, creating security etc. Even when it comes to sex, my approach is pretty conservative, in that I'm only intimate with people I trust and it's usually just long term stuff. Might be a bit boring but I guess in the long run I value fidelity and longevity so that makes me picky but also reliable. I've never actually whored around or done a whole bunch of stuff I've seen people around me do over the years. I always bail when someone tries this shit with me lmao. The number of dudes who thought they'll try their luck only to find me unrelenting. Some just hated me lmao. But fuck it. I never asked for bullshit. Even this last year on twitch taught me that tbh. A looot of people who frequent it are too nuts for me. I cannot imagine a life like that tbh. Just floating around screwing folks over. Even that racist chick yuck. What a low class, third grade person. Never understood how women reach that level of trashiness tbh. And she is so old, it just looks godawful when grown people act like that. It's stunning that someone can openly be that crass, like how much worse would you then be in your actual life. But idk, maybe desperation makes people debase themselves that way. I've never really known anyone be that level of desperate tbh, must be some issue. Still, that's no way to live imo. Lots to do in the world and being able to hold your own, having dignity is of prime importance. M is okay I suppose, but the large majority ... Good lord. Idk how he stays sane sometimes. Just day in and day out just incessant talks of infidelity, abusive behaviour, being subjected to what in my mind registers as sexual harassment. That bit I used to hate so much. Always made me think of ' what if some dude was making these statements to a girl? '  Like how gross would it be if some creepy, unhinged guy tells a lady on a broadcast... I'm in my bed in my underwear, or starts randomly telling them they are close to their city etc... it would be terrifying if some guy did that to me. Maybe men overlook it when it comes to women being that way idk. Male stalkers just seem more threatening maybe. I'd totally flip if some dude starts saying I'm near your place etc. Happened to me when I was a kid too, he would just call my landline relentlessly and it was so terrifying. And he was also older than me, fucking creep. For months he harassed me, I stopped going out to play in the evenings cuz I didn't want to run into him. Lol. Random fucked up shit. And in the end I also started judging M for all this and thinking he must be the same as them and her. Man, I was so angry that time. But I have let it go now, there's no point in speculating and I don't want to sit around thinking the worst of people. And no point in holding on to anger too. 

Plus, I'm over all this negativity now. Hopefully, all the past bs is also behind us, I want a fresh start, no bullshit there also. The rest of it is moot. Not carrying any baggage anymore. Other peoples' choices don't dictate mine and they never have. So just gotta hold on to my centre and I'll be okay. Meg is right, can't keep looking at the worst and imagining it happening, just tighten your core boundaries and things will be fine. 

I'm glad I'm like that and most folks I know are too. Makes me value the people I have, same as my brother too. Glad to see him also growing up, he is a total gem of a person. Blah. Time for a fresh start and time to be happy. Hehe. 

This year I've started getting really restless. I want more experiences and fun in life. And be more busy. It's just fun to be on the go, everything else kinda falls in place then. Well, look forward to it. :)