Ediz Gurel

Ediz Gurel made GM wuuuut... Omg. I'm actually happy for the kid. Got super excited seeing that, Dayum. My first instinct was to text this dude then I remembered everything and didn't. Wtf yo. Ugh. Lol. Okay forget it. Just remember that cold hearted "feel better", and the fact that he didn't flinch while hurting you, easier to deal lolol. People who are kind and empathetic are worth their weight in gold, rest is all bullshit. And as you grow older, you realise that decency, honesty, respect are values that can't be taught, they are inherent. And let's be honest. Even if it's not racism, at the end of the day you were the one that took a shot on him after that post accused him of shitty things, you spent time and energy trying to make him feel better, you have never once asked for anything except one book reco atmost and you've always been supportive and kind. The right sort of person has the maturity to understand  and appreciate these things and they won't just be cruel and dismissive towards you in return. Something that should have made him happy... Instead made him chicken out and try to find excuses. Just means that he doesn't mind using your niceness but can't offer any in return, not even once. Even if not race driven, it's still rock bottom behaviour and he should be ashamed of himself. So idk, shitty as it is, accept that this is who he is. People who view women as suspicious... Like he and his friend do... Will never learn to appreciate any one being good to them but rather just look for reasons real or fantasy to discredit and demean them. Which is what he did to you. There's no value in that. His friend ironically is a lot nicer and kinder to the girl he is seeing. Maybe in the long run, he will turn out right and fix himself. I hope he does. I believe people can do the right thing, but they have to learn to themselves. It's possible that someone screwed over M and he has trust issues, but I'm not the one who caused it and it's unfair that I pay the price. I'm just someone who happened to meet someone and was nice to him from the get go, not my fault what happened prior to knowing me, and not my burden to bear here. Everything else is just noise. Even now, I'm operating out of kindness and consideration and not malice. I've never bad mouthed him to anyone nor will I, but I owe it to myself to only have people who treat me well in my life. I guess I do have empathy for him, all things considered. Anyway, these sad notes need to end once and for all now. Enough. Onwards and upwardssss.

I have been lucky and cherished most of my life so that's something to definitely be grateful for. I'm glad I've had positive experiences tbh. Maybe that's why it's taking me so long to admit the truth to myself. My mind refuses to believe that someone can be so bad towards me and keeps looking for loopholes to excuse their behaviour. Hmmm. 

Eff it. I will never end up with a narcissist nor will I end up with someone who treats me badly ever. Friendship or otherwise. Gotta release that fear once and for all. It happened once, it won't happen again and the fear is just exaggeration in my mind because of its aftermath. No need to worry, I've always known how to have my own back when push comes to shove so it's okay, I'll be fine. Going forward, shite will not happen to me. 

Anyhoo...But good for you lil kid, I'd spammed your cute small face to humanize you haha. Would love to see more of you in years to come! ♥️

Started playing rapid. Oh the horror. So painful every loss is. Tried ranking few games just to get used to losing lol. Counter the fearrr