Balance

I'm gonna say something nice about myself. Today I was generally just minding my business and then I noticed this fellow being weird and morose and finally just decided to text him lots and push him to play a bit so he cheers up. Like no matter my mind state, or whatever it is whenever, I am fundamentally a kind person and I make an effort for people whether they ask for it or not. 

Whether you realise it on your own or in hindsight M. I am one of the best people you've ever come across. Your paranoia and idk ptsd from whatever past baggage you carry used to flummox me lots earlier, wondering why you don't feel safe and the number of times you would snap would make me wonder why you interpret things as slights when they were anything but. And then it made me feel bad to think of what might have occurred that caused you to feel that much paranoia. I don't know the answer to that, but I've always tried to ensure you feel safe and cared for. Even if you find that hard to trust, it's fine. I hope you understand that someday. I can't save you from the hell you keep cooking up for yourself, I get the feeling that you feel like someone might take something precious from you, like the world is filled with Iagos, always conspiring to bring about doom. That's not true. There's few Iagos out there... true, but as above, so below. The opposite also exists. The presence of light cannot be denied by darkness. May you one day realise that deep in your heart, and then feel a measure of genuine peace. It's worth it to feel in alignment with life and happy, I think everyone should experience that atleast at some point in their lives. 

Feeling a bit philosophical maybe, but it's true nonetheless. 

Hehe, anyway, I forgive you for the number of times you have made me cry. I don't want to carry forward any negativity or baggage or keep any meanness in my heart, I don't like how that feels and I don't like seeing the worst in people. I will not pretend like you haven't hurt me, you have, immensely. And I can't keep taking more hits though. I'm exhausted and I want peace, I do. But I am letting the hurt go now because I wish to be happy and free. And if forgiveness is the way to do that, then so be it.  It's best to travel light. 

Wow. This got kinda heavy but it's been a long time coming. Well there's always calm before a storm but also after. Wonder why people never talk about that?