Quality

Talking to V. He says he is a teetotaler. Why tf did I not know this? Last time we all met he was drinking, wasn't he? Lol. I don't even remember. Maybe his wife was and he wasn't? No but I swear he was having beer that time. Strange. 

I know his dad was a raging alcoholic and a wife beater though. I guess maybe that's why no drinking. That's good. Man, these asshole men who beat women like fuck. I'm v proud of V though. I know the horror stories of how abusive his dad was, and I'm sure it's not easy to see your mother go through that. Esp as a boy, you'd want to protect her at all costs. 

It's so easy to let your life slip by into stupidity when you have a background like that though. So many people just allow for that. But I've never seen V or his twin be anything but top notch guys to everyone around them. Not once in school or outside did I ever see him be mean to anyone, be rude to women or do anything remotely shitty ever. Even his wife is soooo nice. And even he is very protective but where he needs to be. And very loyal to boot. Hehe, I love my friends man. I really do. They are all amazing. One of the reasons I look up to every one of them, esp the guys... Is that most of them have had to overcome this domestic bullshit. S, V - both had awful abusive fathers, but both turned out to be incredible men. In fact, most people I know have successfully overcome their childhood shit to turn into grown adults that are not just responsible, but also are able to hold their own and define their own selves correctly. I respect that a lot, cuz I know how challenging it can be. And that's the one quality that separates wheat from chaff. The ability to take the reins of your own life and guard your own morality and not just inflict your past trauma on to others because you are unable to process. Never once have I seen these boys get into crazy fights or degrade others or demean anyone. They always hold strong to the values they define for themselves. One of the most horrible, awful things I've been told long back made me realise how precious this quality is cuz noone I know would EVER stoop low enough to do shit like that. Whew! Good choices for the wins. 

And I also feel a sense of safety with them tbh. I know they won't talk badly of me behind my back, I know I can be myself, and in general I feel at peace when we are joking around about stupid shit. Most of the things we talk about are also silly but that's the part I love. It's great to feel relaxed and at ease.

Hehe, I know at the back of your mind this contrasts a lot with M and how he behaved but maybe it's time you cut him some slack too. He has probably had an easy life and hasn't needed to take responsibility for anyone. It's not his fault his life has been easy, right? Can't blame him. It's lucky in a way, must have skipped out on a lot of bullshit out there. The whole " I'll do what I want" etc is stuff guys say when they are used to getting their way and I guess it seems inconsiderate to you, which it is, but it's also just indicative of being a bit spoilt and being spoilt is a luxury, it's better than dealing with real life issues tbh. Easier and mentally good. So chuck it, don't compare him to others you know. I can't help but see the lack of groundedness in all this, but again, can't fault a person for not having life experiences that made it necessary for them. 

I think I took longer than a lot of people to overcome my fears too, but now that I have, I'm glad. Hehe, I'm also top notch 🎩. Okay self praise but it's warranted too cuz why not. 

Lil trio: 

Aaaaand spring at my windowsill