Rings

That thing M's friend said about wedding rings. Wearing it to make fun of it. It's so. It breaks my heart that his parents were so fuckall man. I can't believe adults can be so irresponsible and fucked. Well his dad in this case. It always takes that one person to ruin a family dynamic. Poor child. I can relate to his feelings somewhat. I had a hostile environment growing up but it was never this bad and we didn't have to deal with alcoholism etc. So I can't imagine how much stress he must have gone through..plus it fucks you up to see a parent get ill treated repeatedly, and in a weird way you fear the same happening to you so you try to avoid it by being commitment phobic. I know I had my share of struggles regarding this. Even my greatest fear is not being loved or not being valued by someone. I've more or less worked those issues out so it doesn't bother me actively, but it was such a struggle to realise that other people's dynamics need not be mine and that I can have a good happy future with someone. I hope A also reaches that point someday. He clearly is craving niceness, that's why he sticks to those folks he considers friends. I actually feel like maybe the lady might be decent but her husband is so fucked. Like what normal guy can possibly be ok with the idea of another man touching his wife?! How?! I don't get it. It actually makes me furious to even think about. Hmmm. 

You know I never thought that I would have a traditional mindset about certain things. But when it comes to relationships, I think I kind of do. Even gender roles. I like knowing that the man in my life is protective of me, and that he takes charge of certain situations. Like not controlling, but definitely protective of me and us and our life in general. And in some sense I like being the source of comfort and niceness in the relationship too. Like dependable and loving and caring. And keeping their feelings and such safe. I take to that role naturally. I also tend to guard what they share with me and keep it to myself. I like that too, just knowing that if it's precious, it should be cherished. I also like the sanctity of keeping whatever is shared between us to myself. That's one covenant I don't like to break, especially for the important stuff. It's weird keeping things from meg mostly haha, she is actually the only one in the world who I'd want to tell anything to anyway. Rest of my friends I don't actually open up to at all. It's nice when guys are able to figure out that balance too. I remember how horrified I was some years ago when that crappy dude had told me some snippet about his family life. It just boggles my mind that he didn't once realise how awful his dad was being to his mom. Like the humiliation of it all. And he just brushed it off like it was just another thing. I truly hate guys who never see whats wrong in their own families like that. And there are many people out there who simply don't, which is so scary. But I guess it showed in his behaviour eventually as well. At the end of the day he was brutally mean just because he didn't get what he wanted and not only was it offbase, but the sheer entitlement of it all was unreal. There's very few people I have actively disliked, and he is one of them for sure. People like him are so self focused and vindictive that they will go around harming others while continuing to think that they are victims and that their behaviour is justified. The complete lack of their self awareness is what absolutely blows my mind tbh. Lol, I'm pretty certain it'll never once cross his mind that I actually consider him and his behaviour awful, I bet he still thinks he was right and I'm some villain. 

Whatever, pathetic. Gives a bad vibe to even think about, and I don't want to. 

But yeah, coming back to M's friend. Man. Just hearing him today made me feel helpless actively. Sometimes I wish I could take away other people's pain or atleast knock some sense into them and tell them life can be good if you choose to make it so. But it's like preaching to a wall. I wonder how M truly feels about it. They deffo seem extremely close, almost familial. Sometimes I want to tell M to take it easy on him though, cuz it's like ... Idk I feel like that dude has seen enough hardships and possibly just needs to be loved in a gentle way. But it's soooo hard to tell guys that lol. They are always the tough love kinds, they just don't listen. Why do men have to be so tough all the time?! M will just make that stubborn face if I tell him to and then do exactly as he pleases just to show me he can. Lmao. Hahhaha yeah, he won't listen. The irony of it is that he is a big ol' softie but he has to be tough on others. Go figure. 

Hmm. Lol. Life is just funny man. This is why I tend to just laugh at problems. It's like sometimes things can get sooooo unbelievably fucked, that in a twisted way it's just funny that it's that messed up lmao. Some people make a big deal of problems but I think a good way to not let them overwhelm you is by learning to just laugh at them. It releases their hold over you and you can cope better. I probably do this around people who I sense are being extra serious too. Haha, some do find that annoying I'm sure. But whatever, if they learnt to laugh at it, then it wouldn't be annoying. Suck it, guys!  On that note, ta!