Dependability

Was speaking to P and N last night. They have come so far in life as a couple. Both have grown as people, and two kids later actually form an idea of a nice family for me. I especially love how supportive N is. He was telling me how his choices now are diff since they have kids and how he sleeps early, chooses not to stay out too late cuz he has to take care of the baby and in general be present for P. I love it man. I love how responsible and reliable he has become. To be honest, I love guys like that. When you can trust them to pull their own weight and come through for you. Lets you have peace of mind. Even Di was telling me how G was making her food cuz she felt sick. I feel G does a looot for her too. It's always these small ways in which people express their love and concern that creates dependability, doesn't it? I think that's a fear most women carry while wanting to pick partners too. You always know that when you decide to create a life with someone, you will need that person to come through for you when you are preggers or have kids to raise etc. I don't want to be in a situation where I have to do it alone. I have seen first hand how it can drive you nuts to handle all the emotional load by yourself. I remember that one conversation I had with a friend where he described something about his family and how his dad treats his mom. He said it so casually and I was shocked at how he simply didn't see what a humiliating position his mum was in. Idk if it's societal conditioning or what but oh man. It was awful. 

Sometimes I see my choices and it hits me that they were so juvenile you know. I always tried to be mature and thoughtful when it came to others in my life. I gave people way too much leeway. And the end result simply was that I never gave someone else the opportunity to come through for me. And rn if I were to be honest? Do I know anyone who would? Will they put me first and be steady for me when I need them to? Idk. 

When it comes to men, I don't think I care about them being flashy or anything like that. The externals don't particularly matter to me too much. But having the ability to give me emotional security and a feeling of "I got you, don't worry", is of paramount importance to me. I don't want to be the one doing the work and the one taking the hits to boot, it's exhausting. And that's the thing I've noticed around all happy marriages. The guys pull their weight always. They'll have fun and do stupid shit but the women in their lives always have that peace of mind about their partners having their backs. It's the one thing even I'm looking for. 

I want people like N around me man. Ones who are just default reliable and who know how to handle things and be nice. Life always has enough stressors, but it gets easier to deal with them when you have quality company, doesn't it? And I miss it dude, I miss people being good to me. Even a little bit of sweetness feels nice and I really want that in my life as well.

Lol, I can't believe how after so many years that guy I knew in uni who would get shitfaced and do stupid shit all the time has turned out to be such a strong man. The way he rounds out P is genuinely so lovable to me. Really proud of you dude. I can't believe you have become one of the benchmarks of what makes a good life partner for me, you hoe. But you have, and I'm glad she found you and I'm glad your babies have two amazing parents who will look out for them and give them a happy home. More than anyone, babies deserve that and you two are deffo going to be rockstars in this department.