What do I love more? Reading, Writing, Chess or Tennis?😅

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The correct answer is E - Music! 

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It's super hard to choose though, I really do love them all, just music a shade more. 

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I am 2k again, and beat 2100 something. Can do it again. Hehe. Watching magnus think and play actually helps dunno how but it does. It's soooo much easier when someone else plays though why even. 😕

I saw that guys friend playing. I want to be able to beat that rating tbh. I want like that 2300 ish. So it can feel as if atleast I'm somewhat decentish at chess. Imma get that if I have to see idk how many magnus games lmao. Passive learning of calculation is the only answer. 

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That weird dream this morning kinda seemed like such an anomaly. There was this sense of venom directed at me in it that was unsettling. It's quite a feat to be surprised within a dream too. Hmmm. Subconscious mind just throwing up warnings I guess. Oh well. Feeling safe and at ease with someone is the most important. And I never have with this person. Noone in my life has ever treated me like that and so badly. 

Meh.🤷🏼‍♀️ At some point in life people need to be mature ya. Or don't. When someone is closing in on 50 and does this to you, then that's who they are. Whatever. 

As the polish say...Not my circus, not my monkeys. Or someone else says it. Heh. Idk. 

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This one dude who plays tennis with me. Even in his gestures I find so much consideration that it immediately stood out to me. There's something so authentic about that. I liked that. It also sucks that I now notice this stuff. It points to a lack of care that I've been aware of for some time. That sense of just safety you feel with some folks like... It's an under current but you can sense it and you instantly know they are trustworthy. That's really good. He has a daughter he said that he drops to school and comes by and I suppose some part of it stems from that. Guys who are responsible sort of just do this stuff on autopilot.

And then I see how deliberately C also hurts M... It's very, very deliberate... That all consuming desperation he has to act superior to everyone. Baffling. Yeah, shitty people exist so let's give them a wide berth. Man, I have absolutely no respect for C anymore. Like complete rock bottom. Idk why she is ruining her life by marrying him, he is legit so obnoxious and repulsive. Ugh. Can't save someone who wants to drown I guess. Idk. Blah. 

Seeing all this bs, my mind is firmly made up that I'll only give my affection to someone who can show me the same and makes me feel safe. Top priority. 

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Whatever. Until then let's just focus on ourselves, none of these detours in the memory bylanes. Let there just be dust unbroken. 

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I think the next few years are going to be great and I look forward to it. 

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So...what do I love? Tennis, reading, writing, chess, music and people that are funny, sweet and who make you feel safe asf. ♥️ Hehe. More of that, pls. And WARM SOCKS. ooof. How could I forget. Damn. Just a good pair is heavenly.

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Oh hey. Games were easy today. Much fun. Nice nice. Gotta see some magnoose before bed and then imma sleep! 

" He's offering me a draw? Fuck off. Might lose the game but I'm not gonna take a draw." Lmao... Words to live by.  

How does maggu make everything look so darn easy man. Howwww. Par excellence. 🤌🏼