Trust

Fuck dude. I may get really frustrated with this guy from time to time, and I was wondering why I never quit on him and deep down I know why. - I just trust him. He is the first person in a long time... I don't even know if it's in a long time, I think he is one of the only people that I actually just trust. Strange na? I don't have a reason to, I don't really have anything concrete that would tell me I should, but I do. 

Haha. Fuck, I have hated you in moments when I felt like you were being a dick to me. Sometimes out of my own sense of fears as well, which I may have projected on to you. But the one thing I don't fear is betrayal from you. That's actually funny. I can bank on the fact that you'll be a complete self centred asshole when you feel like it. And it'll irritate me lots in that moment and you'll never relent and eventually I will relent because fuck you, you are imp to me and one day instead of being an asshat you might just realise that I am imp to you as well, but but but... I do not for an instant think you'll betray me. 

I don't even care much about the being an ass part, I guess the moments I've truly felt hurt are when you made me feel insignificant, like I don't matter. Those are moments I will not revisit again. 

But I wonder sometimes... Will you never make me feel important? Cuz one day someone else might, and I'm a loyal person. I can only care about one person at a time. Would you really just rather drive me away? 

Hmmm. These are questions that aren't for me to answer. For now, I'm just going to live my life. And in all of this. I trust you. The thing that was the hardest for me, actually just comes with complete ease when it's about you. That feels nice. And if you do tank it all with me, then I'll just accept it tbh. I don't have any room for fighting for relevance of importance etc anymore. It's either there or it's not. 

Interesting are the things we fear. They give us an insight into what we want most. I want to know I'm cherished, wanted, loved. Hehe. I wonder what is yours? Well, you seem like you are afraid of love, so I guess it must be that you want to feel safe to love. Oh my. My protective instincts just fire up at the idea that you might have ever felt unsafe to love tbh. Well, no matter. The past has no bearing on the future, and as long as I'm in your life, I'll make sure you know you are safe asf with me. Hugzies.