Emotional safety

"Not a real man".  " You should man up"

Some girl said this to her partner. During a fight. And it made me wonder how it must feel to a guy to hear that. All of these fights are so utterly foreign to me tbh. In that till maybe last year, I didn't even know how to speak up about stuff that bothered me. And now that I do, I still can't imagine a full fledged fight with someone where they yell mean shit at me and I do the same at them. You can't just crush someone with meanness and then claim you love them man. That's just entitlement. And you should not be with anyone who makes you feel so mean either. It's like you are trying to twist that person into what you want them to be and then getting abusive if they aren't. How horrible. It's one thing to be considerate and accomodating but quite another to be abusive. I guess consideration also comes from trust though. I wonder if guys are exposed to this behaviour for long, do they also develop trust issues? Fuck. I never thought about that. Plus, idk they never open up and talk about these things also no. Damn man. I feel v sad thinking of this. I hope noone I know is ever subjected to this bullshit :( Sometimes these boys will never say they were treated badly, and they'll just feel bad by themselves. :( :( Okay that makes me feel sad for reals. Women can be total assholes too I hate these toxic ones that feed on your souls. 

These words seem so harmful and so unhinged to tell someone. Is it sometimes okay to just yell whatever is on your mind? I don't think so. I don't think so at all. I know you can't stop being mad at someone, it happens. But reaching these lows is something I can't fathom. I've hated people who used vulnerabilities as a bargaining chip in fights. It's always a horrible way to harm someone and use their weakness to twist them to do something. Weaponising someone's vulnerabilities to make them do what you want and then labelling that love is so fucked up to me. If you love someone, you protect them, and make sure they feel safe being vulnerable not fucking exploit it to play them like a mandolin. Lived half my friendship with A this way and I low key hate her to this day. Not just hate her but I'm just never going to go back to being friends with her primarily cuz I see her as one of the most toxic women I've known. And it took her husband walking out on her when they were dating and refusing to come back for her to actually even start being considerate. Whatever. Still dislike her and her nasty behaviour. 

It sucks that life gets you to meet people like these and you have to develop an armour of sorts to fight them off. I developed my own defences against A, but I hate how it feels even when you are trying to protect yourself from attacks and the other person just blames you for everything. Fuck, what a nightmare that used to be, and I was so paranoid that if I don't keep her happy she will lash out at me. I am glad I don't talk to her anymore. In fact, I'm glad I'm not around any toxic people anymore. And I'm happier about the fact that they didn't succeed in making my toxic in return lol. Sometimes that can happen too. But I will never ever let myself harm someone this way or use these words like "real man". If I choose you and love you - you are real, wonderful and safe and I would always show you that so you know it deep in your heart that you are cherished. That's a promise. Just please also make me feel valued in return. I also want to feel safe with you. :)