Green Flags

If there was one change I could bring in someone, what would it be?

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I've often wondered the answer to this and I feel like the one thing I've always felt I was starved of is consideration towards me. And what I'd love, love, LOVE... Is to have someone in life who shows me that. You always know it from the little things they do. Maybe it sticks out more to me cuz it's something I've not had often. But I'd really love that to be honest. Someone who wants the best for me, and who I don't have to take care of all the time. Who would take care of me and actively be happy to do so. 

I have a feeling in the end this will be the distinguishing character trait I'll end up basing any decision I make on. 

I'd never thought of genuine long term equations, life long ones. Long back when I had that conversation with M was the first time I actually gave it a thought about what matters and what doesn't. I realised then that I'd be more than happy to work my ass off to make sure whatever family I build with someone has security and stability. I do things for others more than for myself and I'm pretty sure for a family I create, I would do all I can. But I think in return I want to definitely feel safe and cherished and not just feel like a slave that people take things from. In the past I have felt that, esp when there was no reciprocity of care and that made me feel severely depleted and exhausted, not to mention it really hurts like hell to just see a complete absence of care. But no matter what, I've always known how to take the hard steps and detach from people when they make me feel that way, and I'm sure I'll make the right choice for me when it comes down to it. And yes, that choice will be governed by no fluff or material aspects but just based around how safe and comfortable I feel with someone. Cuz I know one thing for sure. No matter how much success or money you have, a house is never a home you belong to, until there is love and consideration there. It's just a fancy cage otherwise and I like to live free and love free. 

But yes, I think the top few things I'd look for would be

1. Consideration

2. Ease/comfort of communication 

3. Respect, Loyalty

I guess all my requirements are very based in emotional safety but it's paramount for me. I know that I take people seriously and I'm willing to help, compromise and in general be supportive to the best of my ability, but I need these three things in return. I need to know I matter to the people I'm close to and I need that effort that makes me feel safe. For me emotional closeness only builds through that and without that kind of closeness I can't even imagine being friends with someone lol. Hehe. I need to bond to feel happy I guess. 

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And to be honest I don't want to change anyone anyway, I think these are things you have to be able to do yourself. People who can't are simply people I won't pick. Cuz I think wanting people to change for you is a stupid thing to do, they are who they are. Just find ones who actually care enough to make you feel like you matter to them.