There are only few moments in life, where you need someone to step up and care. Very few. When you feel vulnerable, when you feel low, or when something bad happens to you like you get injured or hurt physically. If in those moments, a person doesn't pull through for you... In short... Your discomfort or unhappiness is something that doesn't even impact them... Then what use is that equation? 

I've wondered that a lot. 

I don't like the feeling of isolation or people who criticize or ignore to a point where I'm reduced to wondering if they give a shit about me. A key part of life is having that unshakeable knowledge and faith that they have my back, I don't have to be in a situation where I have to watch out for meanness or aloofness. But it's my fault for sticking around people who acted that way, should have just said no thanks and fucked off. Well, I will from now. Just go towards ones who authentically and open heartedly are supportive, people should have worked on their issues by this age and be capable of it and those who haven't probably never can anyway. Nothing more tragic than an adult who is incapable of being responsible. 

Plus it's just a painful experience to subject someone to, to simply not provide what they need. I find it quite inhumane. 

And now I'm at a stage where those are the only criteria that are foremost in my mind when I evaluate people. The one thing I observe more than anything else. Building good frameworks. It's a good thing I never got married before I got to this point. I don't think I'd have been able to manage it or pick a long term person cuz I don't think I knew what to look for. 

But as I relax more and more, I'm able to feel a lot of self reliance and inner strength and it's making me feel a lot of lightness internally. That's nice. 

Life is funny that way, it unfolds sometimes in a way that is necessary for you. Quaint.