Cluster B disorders

Thought and read about narcissism and bpd quite a bit. A lot of it is stuff that I find confusing, especially the whole love bombing thing. Everyone in the initial phase of a relationship, esp when they are young... Just gets caught up in the romance of it all, and it's normal. I'm not sure how you can distinguish genuineness from malice here. 

But I know how to discern malice or even lack of empathy and that's what matters.

In the end these are just words. All of these, played up specially by social media cuz every second person seems to label people they don't like this way. 

It's just common social nomenclature now, and that's what makes it tougher to be discerning. But I guess how someone treats you, makes you feel, how authentic they are, humility - not fake humility, actual humility - all of that immediately informs you of a persons' inner nature. How they handle conflict, whether or not they are thoughtful, do they show you care... These are easy to spot and very difficult to fake. I don't think love bombers even understand how to fake that because authenticity comes from how someone treats you in a general, everyday way, not just overt and weird displays of OTT gestures. 

For e.g. when I see say ummm... Bartholomew... I can tell he is a rooted, grounded guy with no airs and generally decent demeanor. Now if he turned out to be a psychopath thaaat would be surprising in the extreme. Or Sadler, from the little I've seen of him... I can tell he is a good humored, extremely clever individual. Thibault, who is very much like the idealistic coders I've known etc. Now it would be a plot twist of massive proportions if any of these people were crazies lmao. Haha I feel bad just even implying that, I respect them all so much. 

But yes, I don't think it's really the fake initial bullshit toxic people do that is all that problematic, what's problematic is if you choose to stay around people like that when they start treating you badly. I read about abuse cycles and while they seem absolutely heartbreaking, I do think people have to find a way to leave that kinda stuff. Which they do eventually unless limited by circumstances. Hmmm.

Plus from what I read about BPD that just seems like an unreal beast. How can someone not spot that instantly? That level of volatility is v disturbing. And it's not like when you get angry about something and then let it go after a bit. Like I actually do not like overt displays of emotions and people being erratic. I've always hated that. So I would probably never even be able to be around something like that. 

Growing up, I used to be afraid of my mom's temper and I didn't know it then, but her being angry all the time used to make me feel very unsettled to the point that I would mostly stay in my room as much as I could. Or go out and be around friends. All this is distant past now, but I distinctly remember that feeling of ease and peace and happiness I had when I first moved out. It felt like I could just breathe easy. And not have someone constantly controlling me or invading my space and boundaries. Man, that was such a hellish period of my life. And maybe this is why I hate constant erraticness and prefer humble, measured people. 

I'm glad over the years all this baggage has been left behind though. I'm v clear that going forward I'm not letting anything like this in my life. I want nice, soft, steady and considerate people in my corner. Nothing fancy, nothing overt. Just a simple world which is as solid as it is affectionate. Which is more or less my world now too. Yay.  :)