Steady

Today's conversation made me think... I used to fixate on whether or not someone is a narc or has empathy or not but I think I'm wrong. I'm not afraid of people like this, what I feared was liking them and then getting gutted once I'm happy and comfortable cuz that's when they make you miserable. 

But instead of looking for signs of this, I'm going to only focus on how someone makes me feel. If I feel happy and safe with them, then it's a green light. If not, no point in hoping they change. And it's stupid to want the other person to trust me while I harbour skepticism like that's also a shitty way to treat someone and I don't want to do that. 

Which means I have to be careful before I like someone as opposed to how trusting I used to be earlier. The notion that there's a little good in everyone is shite, only people with a lot of good and less bullshit need to make the cut. Also important are values they display and not in what they state. Of that I'm sure I'll be discerning cuz I always go by actions and not words. Hmmm. 

Man, I feel a lot of compassion for myself right at this minute though. I was just so sacred and convinced that I wasn't lovable, that noone would have my back ever. :( Shit. 

Still, that feeling has finally left me. So it's good. :). Yes, I think I'll be okay from now. Hehe. Good stuff. 

It's always great when that sense of reliability comes from within, then I know I can be relaxed. And I feel so these days too. Not going to let this dissolve any more. I think I've finally found my steady state. It took forever but I know it'll also last forever now that it's here.