Alice in Wonderland

If I was a kid, and had found chess... I would be a total weird adult with no friends and a hunger to just prove myself on the board again and again. It's so fucking immersive, lately it's been making my reading take a backseat. And if I were actually good, I can totally imagine having zero social skills and random arrogance. But man, it's so easy to just fall down that rabbit hole and just never want to get back up. Guess I have an addictive personality when it comes to things that fascinate me. Need to have checks and balances in place so it doesn't take over everything. 

Nezhmetdinov Tal

Okay checked out one last game for the night lmao. 

I feel like a lot of attacking games I've seen are in this vein. Imagine someone doing this to Tal though, he himself is such an attacker. Love seeing players with the same play style battle it out, the effect is so interesting. 

Wonder if M likes Nezhmetdinov. Don't recall him mentioning it ever afaik, will ask. I was reading up on his life a little bit. Picking up a game as a kid by watching others while coming from such stark circumstances. Incredible how some people lift themselves up. What were the requirements to be GM back then? Funny I don't actually know this, it only struck me cuz Nezhmetdinov wasn't one even though he is considered prolific. So much stuff I'm clueless on when it comes to chess. Sad. Russia does have a lot of intellectual might though. I've always considered Russian Lit to be supreme and they were great at chess and science too back in the day. Man, I wanted to finish some chapters of my book too omg. Too much to do, too little time. I'm loving it ♥️

Nezhmetdinov - Tal 1959

Yay, spent a whole lot of time on chess again... now I can read for an hour and call it a day. Whew! Finally feels nice. I'm giving that asshat Nietzsche also my time grudgingly, it's crazy that you can value some of the ideas a person comes up with while hating that person for his arrogance and delusion. But I still haven't found anything so uber profound in him yet. I think a lot of these philosophers and writers had a huge bone to pick with organised religion and went about doing that in an elaborate way. I still much prefer Kierkegaard in his approach. His books are a marvel in their ability to promote free thinking. I had simply never realised that you could go about it in a structured way until I read them. It's kinda like when people tell you as a kid to "focus" on something, but never tell you how. That's one fundamental problem with education as well, how to teach kids the art of learning as opposed to just telling them to learn stuff. Cracking that would be a golden nugget. I remember long back I was thinking lots about the elements that go into creating drive within a person. And I think I'd concluded that the presence of a positive feedback loop is essential in the learning process for you to develop an independent desire to understand stuff. People who take to that naturally are simply folks who find that positive feedback loop earlier than others. I'm pretty certain there will be a way to induce that in the rest too. I guess that's why I've never really been a fan of too much strictness while teaching, I think it just creates a negative loop for a lot of folks and makes them feel like a failure and results in building resistance. Plus the ones who adopt this hard method invariably have some rigid ideas of "strong minds" vs " weak minds" never realising that if they didn't manage to teach the ones they consider weak, then it's a failure of their approach. Making someone feel dumb or inadequate isn't really doing anything other than being disrespectful out of your own ego, right? Actually people like that are v resistant to find fault in themselves cuz they consider that weak too, so they'll just be harsher with their students to avoid thinking it's themselves who are lacking. And the irony will ofc be missed on them. Hmmm. There must be an optimum amount of strictness + leniency that needs to be a part of the mix. 

Man, this is one area where I would love to research and solve. Human minds can be so damn fascinating. 

Fischer spanks Benko

Okay I think I found the game M meant. Even before 20 moves are played, he managed to open up the black king to this extent. Haha yeah this is deffo the type M would like more than the prev one. I was kinda confused at that at first cuz while it's really nice it doesn't have as much finesse and swag this one does. 

Oh wow lool. He went rf6 on move 19. Fuck. Crushing in under 20 moves wth. No words necessary. 

Even here, Fischer seems to really love his light sq bishop. Wonder if that's a recurring theme in his games. 

Fischer- Benko 1963 

More Fischer

So I don't understand this h5 move at all. What does it do?

Kh1 by Fishy when the opponents' white bishop is traded off is kinda cool. I guess it makes sense to do that in most games if the light squares are yours.

I wonder what's the difference in play styles between Magnus and Fischer. From the little I've seen of Magnus, he seems to always have such harmonious development that none of his pieces are ever not talking to each other. Hmmm. Haven't seen too many of his games to be sure but I recall marvelling at how he always seems to induce one move blunders in his opponents seemingly out of nowhere. Fischer seems more... idk the word but his attacks are a lot more brute force driven? Hmmm. No this isn't right either. Okay whatever let me see the rest. 

Omgomgomgomg. This is such a sexy position. Mofo. TUTTA BELLAA! BELLISIMO! 

Oh come onnnnn. No waaayyyy! What a move this is who tf plaaayyys like this?! Aaaaaaa. I want to touch myself 😭. Fuck this is so so so good.

Fischer must really love his bishops, esp the light sq one. That Be4 is also such a goated move omg. Love it lots. Ugh, but see even here, the solution was right there and so was the observation. The rook covers the d file so how do I move it. It's that simple question and one that I just don't think of asking. So there needs to be some reminder in my mind to get rid of this fixed thinking. It's always "oh this exists, how do I work around it" as opposed to " oh this exists, how do I change it ". Need to really see the opponent as a dynamic entity as opposed to a static one that I can't influence. ( Segueway -I bet manipulative folks will have an easier time thinking this way.) Hmmm. Default thinking patterns need to be challenged though. Only way forward. 

Note to self: M told me Fischer Benko rf6 game though, was it a diff one? This one has rg6. Let me check. Istg if there is another unreal game like this, I'll just have to run around my room to wear the excitement off. This reminds me of the time I saw M give that KID lecture and the game was so mesmerizing that at first I was stunned, then I wanted to climb into his lap and straight up do him. Hehe. Sometimes I'm just too well behaved. 😇

Fischer - Benko 1965

Saw so many games last night now I'm finding it tough to even think of playing stupid 3+0 cuz my mind goes... " ooh would Bobby play this move? 🧐 ". Arrogance and delusion for the WIN! 

Tal Fischer

Okay I still love Tal omggg. What a move he found here fuck. ♥️

I could work out that the knight capturing anything doesn't work here with an open king but that next move is so goated. Funny thing is... it's like asking a series of questions. But it's so tough to keep asking those questions, instead of assuming the observations are conclusions. Like even here, I can observe the queen is undefended but it never occurs to me to ask the follow up - so can I defend it and if so, can it be while I attack and keep initiative. I saw this same concept even in a Tal - Smyslov game too, where Smyslov missed the queen defence move. And this is just one moment in the game, so doing this repeatedly is crazy. 

Can't believe chess like this was played pre computer era man, what absolute beasts. Lol, my parents weren't even born in 59. 

Tal - Fischer 1959 Candidates

Bobby Fischer

Checked out another Scandi game v Fischer. This is the most Morphy like game I've seen so far. So much piece activity and black got stuck so bad. Idk too much about the Scandi but it seems like it wastes a lot of moves, especially when the queen goes back to home square. This game is also similar to the morra for me, in that the piece activity for white is immense. V cool initiative. 

I'm really enjoying Fischer's games so far, though I still think I prefer Morphy and Tal at the moment over him. So much fun. I'd like to figure out who my ultimate fav player would be. Maybe by end of next year I can determine that. 

Fishcer v Addison 1970

Listening to: Che vuole questa musica stasera , what a vibe this song is. Beautiful. Or shall I say... Tutta Bella! 🤌

EDIT: FFS I WENT N PLAYED BULLET NOW 💀

You know what I love? 

When dogs just sleep on their backs. It looks so outrageously gross and lewd but something about it is v funny too. 

I remember when my dog used to sleep like that in the living room esp when we had guest over. Never was there a guest she didn't flash. 

Good doggie. 

More Fischer

Seeing a Ruy game by Fischer. I find these closed positions so interesting. Esp when the bishops are basically pawns and you have to think your way out of that bind. Except in Fischer's case even those bishops turned out to be lethal attackers idek how. 

The thing that perplexes me everytime is - how many moves deep do people think to get that one optimum move? Like say Carlsen who mimics comp moves all the time, how many moves deep do you actually have to think to get to that? Ugh. I understand the whole ' comes with practice ' answer but I'm sure there must be an objective answer to this question as well. This game also reminds me of the time when M told me that the comp tries to mimic his style. At first I thought he was half kidding but no, it's actually very true, esp the way fisher broke through in this game is exactly the same kind of attacking chess. Seeing these games makes me want to actually be a better player, this game is so fucking interesting. Should stop my stupid 3+0 then. 

I'm not sure I see yet the "art" part of chess, but the bits I love is just the intense grind when you have to outthink someone. I get off on that I feel. Honestly, symmetry is amazing and it's great when it comes together but what I love most so far is just complete and utter relentlessness of an attack. Even positional chess just seems like that to me, lying in wait to pounce. Damn. Even thinking about it makes me wet. 

Fischer Gligoric 1972

Edit: FFS I SAID I WONT PLAY 3+0 THEN MINDLESSLY PLAYED 3+0 😒

Edit 2: is the answer to the earlier question that during set up you may not have to think too deep but the minute you deviate from set lines or in a crucial break, you gotta calc as deep as you can? Hmm. Idk. Lmc if I can verify this via some games. 

Chilling

Listening to all these old Italian songs after a huge ass lunch and wondering why tf aren't all Mondays holidays. Long weekends for the winnnnn! 

Showed my mom M today lolol. She was sooo amused and confused. It was adorable. I think he is the kinda person everyones' parents would like. Would probably charm them lots lmao. Good stuff. Save the grumpy teddy persona for the rest of us hehe. Maaan, I noticed today that I can't straight up praise without adding some cheeky line to it. Even now, haaad to add that grumpy teddy line. Why? Lmao. P, you're a total weirdo. Fuck, this must be why he flares up with me so much. Oh crap ya. Plus I think I do it all the time, don't I? Aiyooooo. Ok I'll try to control next time. Lmc if I can, sounds tough. 

FIGURED IT OUT

My Vit D levels were low... that's why I was moping around for these two weeks. Sheesh. Knew it had to be something weird. Fuck.

*Shakes head*

Step one

Alright, new day. I'm gonna start work on a new project. Finally. Let's get goinggg!!

I'm excited to see how it shapes up. 

Stuck

Why have I been so frustrated lately? Idek. Nothing's really wrong but my mood seems v off. I don't even feel like doing anything. Just avoiding everything and everyone. P...what's going on? :(

There isn't any magic pill that will make it better so you have to do it yourself. Idk, push through I guess, what else can you do? 

I just...idk. I'm usually not this moody so I don't understand what's bothering me. Lol, of all the weird irrational swings. But it's not okay to just avoid everything and everyone either, you have to make an effort to break out of this funk. You are just walking around doing what's needed and then staying silent. 

Lol, maybe should speak to some colleagues or better yet those crappy building folks who annoy me. Atleast turn the scowl into a frown and give you something to be mad at. Lol. 

Okay one step at a time. Just breathe and call someone and talk to them maybe... might help in feeling better or atleast give you a change of pace. 

At 13

He made this happen at 13. 

What the actual fuck.

Bryne Fisher 1956

Smyslov v Fisher

Checking out one game of theirs from 1970. Good golly. Fisher is just insane, the way he dismantled that position. I don't even have the skills to appreciate how in depth that calculation ability for him must be, literally spotted one weakness and attacked the fuck out of Smyslov. I can imagine how crushing it must feel to have an ending position that's basically so limp, you'd want to spit out of disgust. And these are the greats in the world, so if Fisher can do that to them, that's like 😭💀. Terrifying chess.

Hmmm. Beginning to understand how daunting the idea of facing him must be for people. Anyway, saving just to look at it some other time and crying about how helpless chess can make you feel. So many powerplays in a board game lol. 

Anyway, lemme check out more of these Fisher destructions. Chinese buildings must have toppled slower than some of Bobby's opponents. 💀