Chess

Played my one long game for today. Man it's so nerve wracking. In the analysis I saw a bunch of moves that I had considered and yet was so nervous I didn't play them. Wtf. So weird to feel this pressure it just comes in the way of thinking and I tend to then just blitz out moves cuz I'm scared I'll make a mistake. Had a mate in one or take the queen but just missed that even though I was trying to set it up. Sheesh. Half of chess is just psychological at any point. Interesting how opponents also make mistakes under pressure so at times it's more of a who cracks first kinda thing too. But I don't want that, I want to know how to calculate and do it right. It isn't even that tough to calc 4 moves deep it's just a weird fear of making a mistake that stops me ugh what in the fucked upness. Battling my own mind instead of the opponent most times. I can que sera sera life but chess I want to mamba. Think I also need to tell myself some pointers before I play any game so I can keep reaffirming what I'm looking to get out of it. A warm up ritual of sorts. Will try again tomo.