Okay I just asked what I'd been meaning to. Let's see what he says. Man, I find it so tough sometimes to word what I mean. Hopefully he understands and can help fix it. Should be okay. Ugh, I just want him to be more open and forthcoming man. That's literally it! So tough to tell him that without sounding strange. How am I so bad even now at expressing anything?! For once, please just take the lead and just understand how I feel and just fix it for me without me having to vocalise it 😭. Plus I just don't getttt why he gets so silent about some stuff I never understood it before and I don't now. I legit have no frame of reference for what it might be and I'm sure he isn't mad or anything so I simply don't understaaaaand. 

Lol, for someone whose job includes communicating, he can be sooooo uncommunicative when he wishes to be lol. Crazy person. And I just turn into a clumsy weirdo in turn, and that is not helpful I'm sure. Ye gadsssss!

Meh, I suppose it just means underneath everything I just care a shit ton about him, so I want things to be great all of the time and it bothers me if I feel like something might not be. Probably quite irrational to think that but I also can't seem to help it from time to time. But he will get it, I'm sure. Thank god

Man, I've become like those women who want to say one thing but have a deeper underlying reason to and then will just get all emotional to boot. Never in my life did I think I'll be so cliche but I find myself exhibiting very traditional gender roles when it comes to him, right down to expecting him to be the man and take charge and generally keep order and rationality when I feel like this 💀. He draws out my femininity in full force and I have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH IT NOW LIKE A CLICHE WOMAN I WANT TO WHINE IN FRONT OF HIM AND JUST HAVE HIM BABY ME TILL I FEEL NICE, AND IT'S NOT EVEN THAT I WANT TO CRY I JUST WANT THAT NICENESS THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE OVARIES HOW MOCKED. 

Ok he handled it lol. Just a bit of reassurance and then I feel fine and the sun shines. Think I was just missing him this week cuz barely spoke. Hehe, I'm happy again. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬