Doting

Oiii. Saw that miniclip again it's so adorable. You are such a shy boy!! I always suspected that! Such a tough persona you have otherwise omg. Dayum. And now I get why you get miffed over things you are incredibly, crazily hard on yourself. Some ten flaws you found in something that was so benign. You dodo. I dote on you more than I have on anyone ever in my life. I used to wonder about that so much earlier. I generally downplay things so it's saying a lot that I'm so free and open about sharing all the good things I notice in you. But every part of me just wants you to know that I guess. I wonder sometimes if someone in your family was very hard on you growing up? My parents were, and it was a nightmare to say the least, so I would understand. Is family important to you? The idea of having one of your own? Sometimes I even wonder what your life has been like, what you faced. I'm sure some of it was devastating, makes me sad knowing that. The day you tell me, I'd know you trust me fully. Whatever it is, it'll be safe with me forever. I don't really guard myself at all, but I know your secrets are very precious to you, so I'll guard them for you. I have a feeling you know that about me now. 

There is something that I would like to tell you, but I'm not sure how to phrase it to you. Hmm. Let me try and articulate. It's like... It's not the size of your accomplishments that's ever made a difference in my opinion of you, it's the person you are that always has. Even if you had absolutely no accomplishment, (a thought that must be blasphemous to you hahah, the very idea, amirite?) I'd like you just the same because who you are is what made it happen. Say you were at a point in life where you were starting out, I'd think you were just as great then as I do now. Like the younger you who you kept nitpicking, it's that person who had the strength to turn you into the you of today, isn't it? So what's not lovable about that? Young you was just as wonderful and instrumental in getting you here. People have this idea of perfection wherein they think everything has to be just so, but that's not correct. Perfection is more about realising the complexity of life and desires and accepting that while still trying your best. If that makes sense. Focusing on things that seem inadequate is the flawed perspective. Hmmm. But I don't think my words are doing justice to the thought in my mind so I'll let it be.  

Whatever, fuck words. 

If I just wrap you in a hug and tell you you are amazing, how long will it take before you actually believe me? I'd hug you as long as necessary though, so it's a moot question really. Actually maybe a little longer than that cuz you are very, very huggable to me. 

Cheerio, darling! Onwards and upwards to better things and happier times! 

Ooooo I thought of a nice question to ask you. Hahaha I'll stump you good with this one. Oh boy I can't wait!