Love

Oh man. I saw this reel on insta and damn. So many emotions zomg. There's something so pure about babies. Man, I hope whoever I end up with loves me and cares for me, cuz I won't bring one into this world if I can't give him or her a happy home. Sometimes I do wonder if life would be simpler if I didn't have these many thoughts about this stuff. Idk. I see so many people just either making do or kinda floating along, but I just don't know how they do it. The ability to convince yourself that something is just good enough is a superpower. But then again, maybe from their perspective it is what they wanted. Idk. 

Stuff like this reel just gives me so much perspective. Even if it's fleeting. But there's a sense of groundedness in it and reality and I guess I just feel like longevity is only to be found in genuineness. It's also the reason why I'm so careful and only holding out for what feels right. Plus, if someone can't treat me right, then they will never treat a kid right either. That hate text made me realise how much poison is there in this world, and how unprompted. I think that's why respect and care and gentleness towards women is important tbh. I don't think people realise that. That general softness that a guy can show towards a woman he is protective of. It's not cave manish, it's just providing something safe for her, for his family, like a cocoon. Keeping a woman miserable is not the way to go. And I don't want to live in anxiety ever. Doubting a partner or thinking oh what if they don't like me if I do xyz things etc. Like no man, I just can't live that way anymore, my mind just says no thanks. I want surety and assurance and mental peace when it comes to this. And even the woman  keeping him miserable is a no no. I actually never think of that side of it cuz I default to thinking I'm very caring, so i e never thought of it as a possibility. But that's also not completely right, the other person has to feel cared for, I can't declare it by myself too.

I've done my rounds of dealing with bs, but doing so as a kid is fine, as an adult no thanks. Cuz I may not be overtly protective of myself, but there's no way a kid comes in harm's way in my vicinity. And I have to always remember that. Hmmm. 

Always knew there was a reason I didn't buy into the apps of the world or go around having sex with random folks. Lots of women have even laughed at me for choosing to be this way cuz they think it's a bit non feminist maybe. Idk. I've never once used any, might be one of the few folks of my gen who hasn't. Parts of my life have been defined by being single, but I don't really regret that choice one bit. Rather have someone be nice to me genuinely than settle for bare minimum. I didn't learn to define what genuine looks like for a long time, so I guess I'm a slow learner when it comes to that but that's ok. Even sexually, I've always stayed with the ones I was in a relationship with and never strayed or been tempted to. That's how I know I'll also be able to hold a marriage together. I like that about myself, even if the world might think it's conservative asf. Idc, my life...I'll live it my way. 

This little bit of softness and gentleness I sometimes feel, gives me a glimpse of a centre where I feel stable and it's like all the pettiness of the world just washes away, telling me that I'll be fine.