Jesus Christ the nuttiness of it all lol. I have no words, and sadly I'm not even mad. Weird. I should be exasperated but I'm simply like yeah ok. Achilles. That's as good a name as any. " I do what I want ". Well, so do I. But usually, it's the right thing, the considerate thing for everyone, not just be a selfish jerk. I just don't go around showboating about it. I can't imagine treating someone I love or respect that way tbh. In fact, if I put myself in those shoes I feel like wow how insanely selfish one must be, it's something I do not relate to. And that's just it. I can't imagine treating someone I love that badly. And I don't wish to be on the receiving end of it either. 

~

Talking to my friend the last couple of years made me realise how broken she is as a person, she doesn't value anyone in her life. She clings to all that she devalues, it's just behind their backs. I found it repulsive. Devaluing people like that, it was eye opening for me. Saying that lying is a right, and making a case for dishonesty with her partners. It made me realise people like that cannot be counted on. Cuz they are always so afraid of being betrayed that they simply do the backstabbing themselves. How sad. Even her efforts to make things normal are so short of normalcy, she simply can't seem to be direct and I see all that, and I see that it's easy for me to traverse that distance but I don't want to. I hate my integrity being questioned and I suppose all she does is paint everyone as a villian to justify saying shitty things about them.  And watching her say things like hitting kids for discipline is ok then realising I was appalled at that and instantly screwing over n and claiming he hits his kid was surreal. That woman would paint her friends husband as a child beater just to save face. What the fuck was that. The fact that she doesn't even think it's wrong. That's insane to me. Just. Idk. No integrity whatsoever. 

I guess what I'm getting at is simple... Distrust, dishonesty, disrespect... These are not things I stand for nor do I wish to be subjected to them, or be on the receiving end of such dysfunction. It's not my job to save anyone, and I'm not inclined to do the work for someone else anyone. That's all. Tis what tis. 

~

And I contrast this with the fact that we as a species are about to travel the furthest ever from earth. Holy moly. Just. Such an incredible achievement and the idea of 4 people alone in vast emptiness is so insane my mind is not able to catch the gravity of it, pun intended. Damn dude. That's the kinda stuff life is worth dedicating to. To the service of knowledge. Godspeed. ♥️, and a 🥐 to remind you of the joys of home.