Hiding

I am straight up avoiding answering damn. I  don't recall the last time I behaved this way with someone but man. I just do not know what else to do. I am completely not on board with forced closeness, I hate it and I don't like being in a spot where being rude is the only option. 😔 I do not know what to do. Damnation. 

~

Fuck it, embracing shamelessness what else can I do. I absolutely do not wish to deal with her I just do naaaat. Outrageous. 

~

It actually stresses me out man. Like. Hmmm. I don't know how to mitigate that. I really don't. Shit dude. It's an odd thing to do, to be this averse to stuff but I just am. I used to think I let things build up without addressing them until I'm saturated then I just quit. But I don't think that's accurate, I guess I just wait around to see if things change but when they don't and people treat me badly I just shut down and then stop wanting to engage. Also, people are fucking nuts what is up with thaaat. Huh? Huh? Why are people sooooo weird and nuts like whooooooo gives grief for all the shit she gave me grief for and now she is telling me HER GRANDMOTHER IS SICK. like. What even. Fuck. I am so annoyed even hearing this ngl. Barely two hours after my akka was cremated this woman was straight up giving me ultimatums saying talk to me or else and now showing up out of the blue and saying hey wanna catch up. Fuck me. Ugh. Ok rant done. Sheesh. 

~

Closeness can be tricky. If you don't feel at ease with someone then it feels like some obligation to be a certain way and I hate that... I hate feeling like I'm catering to someone and a lot of times controlling people react in such strong ways that I feel like I give in just to avoid conflict and then resent them later. Terrible. 

~

Lesson to learn. Skip town if you feel threatened. That's is. Idc that's who I am now lol. Fuck it yo. Fuck eeettt. No point to stress. I says this while hiding on signal and avoiding insta and WhatsApp when I can lmao. Fucksies. I am quite pathetic lmao. Idc man, I want to be treated right and this simply isn't it. I want only niceness :(