Thought I'd atleast say something and saw him trying to serenade some lady on the stream. Lol. With the same lines too. " Oh I'll ban you too". Guess when women are interchangeable the same lines work on them all. Heh. 

Same as I found him I guess. Well, whatever. Nvm.

~

Ok fuck I know I'm the one overreacting in this moment too. I should just let it be. Was about to straight up block him and just disappear. It would be very shitty of me if I do that. Haha well atleast I'm not sending some cheap shot his way. Whatever. If I go around trying to suck juicy cocks we will see how much he likes it. Maybe I should do it. Just meet up with lots of dudes. Should ask him for dating tips like he loves to give. What do guys like in bed these days? Oh please do enlighten me. I'd love to have them bang me however they please. I'll sing them songs also why not. They whole world is doing it why shouldn't I? 🙄🙄🙄. Ok yuck. 

Fucking asshole, hate him to the core. That ballerina chick was also posting Boston so must be outside his house only. And around his bday too lmao. Well, good photography skills for him. Lol. I guess bday wishes were in order that day anyway. Haha. And what did he tell me? "There's only so much I can do. I didn't even have time for family. Woe is me. 😢". I should seriously just block him and never speak again. Oh sorry what do I mean speak, I was never allowed to speak anyway. Nein, others will overhear. 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ 

But blah. Accepting all this nonsense is tooootally on me. Noone else. I'm also being a dick rn but honestly like if roles were reversed I'd like to see how he would have found it. Yeah well I don't treat people like shit so I guess we won't know. And I know him enough to know he will have some bizzaro reasons for this AND that he is just afraid of some nonsense. For suuuure it'll be some shit like ohhh my work my work what if something spoils it waaaahhhh. All this shady acting but then also wanting to be seen in good light. 🙄 Doesn't show an ounce of maturity so assumes others also won't have it. Figures. Ugh. Now I'm mad again. Lmao. Fuck him. Even though I'm deffo the one being a dick rn. He didn't even do anything this time around I just got mad at that stupid profile. Okay fine this one is kinda on me. 

~

Lol. Shed a solitary tear also yesterday let me keep it for posterity. Vanity is fair and this is kinda hilarious in how dramatic it is also. A disgrace, no less. I have outdone myself. 

Hahaha. Bruh. P - this is legit funny and extreeeeeemely shameful and you should be ashamed but fuck it. Tried to look even more woebegone than I felt because why tf not. Oh well, once in a while I have feels also. Must not pretend otherwise. Decade from now I shall see this and laugh. 

Pin of shame. 💀😬♥️

~~

Hmmm. It's not that I don't trust him though. I kinda do. I know he can be juvenile, I also know he can be a maaaasssive dick and he likes to show off and be seen and all of that. But I also know he has his own set of values and fears. And I know we are close. Pretty sure he trusts me, he wouldn't have told me about family dynamics etc if he didn't. Guess the bottom line is that I find it frustrating to be held at some arms length when I sense all this and I just feel like wtf are you even afraid of going wrong anymore, we know each other well enough now. Cuz I haaaaaaate feeling unimportant that's one of my deal breakers and everytime I feel that way, I feel like fuck it I should bail and gtfo and then it becomes a weird push pull cycle. Hmmm. I learn my lesson with AK. Sometimes you feel like you have all the time in the world but you never really know how much of it you have and it feels like a waste of life if you are only waiting for someone to do right by you. Idk. Oh well. In the end I'll only stick around someone who does, I'm not going to hold space for those who don't. That's all there is to it. Aaaa. Fuck it man. He wants to lose me then so be it, if he thinks someone else isn't going to stride along and be nice then he is also mistaken. I have a lot of patience but I'm not won over and I simply won't be until I'm comfortable and valued that's all there is to it. I don't have a need to admire someone I have a desire to simply feel like I'm valued. All this cuz he couldn't say hi lol. Well, that's his mistake idc. And I will never ask again he can rectify it or not idc I'll just leave if I feel like it. 

Heh. I have to admit though. All my life I never wanted to make an effort for anyone else, cuz I always had something holding me back. Plus stuff always came easy. And as luck would have it, the one time I do actually want to and make an effort it's for someone as difficult as him. Plus mostly I'm outraged at the principle of it all. What's the fucking harm in knowing each other properly even god. So stupid this is.  Lmfao. Oh well. Paying back for all my sins huh. Haha. Nice. Well, gotta learn to make an effort sometime in life. I have to applaud the delicious way this has come about. Universe holding up a benign finger. Well, I shall flip you off too, universe-o. 

Lovingly, ofc. 🎩