Slutty 🙀

It's really amusing to see the entire shtick in action now. Crooning songs, sighing lol. Always pulling the bedroom voice. Maaaan. It's just hilarious how much of a show he does put on. I bet it's also to fuck around with the women there a little bit. 100 percent he has that angle too. I'm sure he looooves that too ahha. Crazy person. Too much of a flirt. But I guess some people enjoy the attention.  Hope he isn't the type that hits on everyone with a female username, that would be so tragically desperate. 💀 But nah, probably not. 

Having said that, he does try very hard with me. To show how he is different. Oh the dichotomy of man. Haha. I guess you can be both. Enjoy attention but also know when to be serious. And I have to give credit where it's due. In some strange ways at times haha, but he does try lots. Sweetly he told me he is travelling and all. Where to, to meet whom nothing haha. I guess he likes being mysterious or is being shady or both. Lmao who knows. Plus I sense that maybe expressing stuff doesn't come easy. I remember that moment where he was turning up his nose at calling someone queen haha. But will absolutely bask in the glory of me giving him fondness thaaaat he won't have an issue with. Lmao. Ass. Guess he doesn't feel safe when he feels like he values someone. That's so weird. But I know he can't verbalise a loooot of stuff. Maybe has something to do with his parents' dynamic. Aiyo. Oh well, he needs to let the past go at some point I guess. That's his call though, his life and his choices. I'm not going to poke at something that's potentially a hurtful memory for him. Noone should make you feel like someone is prying at your life when you aren't open to discussing it. Hmmm. Sometimes I feel like I can connect the dots but I have to be mindful of how these things impact people. Like it's easy for me to see the why behind a lot of this stuff but that doesn't mean it's easy for anyone to deal. Must have been awful for him when it did happen and all that he saw I suppose. Whenever I mention chess parents he never says anything so maybe he had to do it without their support? Idk. Could be. I hope I am right in assuming he isn't a bad person but again, never really had a heart to heart with him so who knows. Impatient me showing a lot of patience and delicate ness here. Well, I am fond of him so I don't mind. If he is a good person I think I'll be a solid presence in his life, of that I'm sure. Or he is just another lame guy who tries to serenade randos lol. Okay that is snark but until I'm sure I won't give credit for this atleast. Say what you will about guys like finegold and levy etc, I've always respected how they don't indulge in this stuff and I guess I value that immensely. I may not agree with a lot of their choices but they've never needed the validation of every other woman or come off as desperate ever, and I like that in men. So I guess that will remain a question mark for now.

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I guess some of this stuff earlier reminded me of A so I found it distasteful. He would see any woman in his vicinity and couldn't help but start to show off. It was so cringe and well... idk saaaaad. Like watching a 30 to drunk it's just pathetic. And everyone even sees how sad it is. Once even ordered the same dish as the one at the next table all while being loud and wanting attention while I was with him. Men like this never realise how clown like they look to everyone but themselves when they start to peacock for women. And A used to get jealous if some other guy made me laugh, always keeping an eye on where I was and with whom. All girls like me and want me, I don't want any, I'll start acting superior when they like me cuz I'm above them all. That was A in a nutshell. Well, ignorance is bliss and people who jack off to a picture of themselves really need to preserve that ignorance. Almost self preservation in their case. Oh well, maybe most guys are just like this who knows. Even this guy's friend does the same stuff. Talking about nipples and liking one colour over the other etc. His other friend trying to get me to sext him all while being engaged. Bet he also hits on this lady lol. Same stuff to all women haha. Yeah, I suppose this is just how most guys are.🤷‍♀️ Meh. But I do feel bad for women who don't know this is happening to them behind their backs. That would really suck. Oh well. What can you do? Hmm. 

Maybe I also don't relate to all this tbh. I can't imagine wanting to keep getting male attention by doing all this. So I suppose it's something I don't understand. I don't find it to be an ego boost when someone wants me, but I know there are women who do. Lol, I kinda find women like that also lame tbh. And they go to lots of lengths to get it, it's very similar to this actually. Subtly just act cute around the guys haha. Can always spot it in action. But idk, it's nice to be liked I guess but in the end male attention just gets sleazy real quick and I don't like that. I'll be ok for sometime then straight up shoot it down so badly they hate me after hahaa. I just never enjoyed courting randos usually just have to evade them. 

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Well, one thing my dad never did is cheat on my mom. And that's lovely. I'm genuinely happy about that and my mom would never think of doing anything wrong either. Loved one man her whole life. I will too. I understand what it takes to do so but I'm not afraid of that anymore. And I'm sure I will choose wisely and only someone that's worth loving too. Once read the cute messages between my folks and that made me so happy. All these years and still love each other and send slutty messages to each other. Hehe. That makes me happy. Things that guys like A and imbo will never understand. Men who make you feel cherished and safe are worth their weight in gold, because they are pure gold themselves. Here's to finding real, honest love too. And then be all old and still lust after the same person haha. Take your clothes off baby, gotta have you right here right now. Lol. I'd like that. 

Hehe, and now time to enjoy this cold November 🥶 🥶 🥶 🥶