Week later I open apps to check news and one of the first things staring at me is someone collating a bunch of pics and messages of fabi dating a minor fml. Didn't even know there was so much shit floating about either. 

Tf is going on in the world idk anymore. 

~

Back to no chess this unholy game and unholy people begoneeee ⚔️✝️🙅‍♀️

~

Ugh. I wish I could do some cleansing ritual god I'm so repulsed by everything rn just nein nyat nakko🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺

~

Man. I just can't even bring myself to look at a board anymore, feels so unreal and like idk....ugly. There's such ugliness in this world it gets to me lots. It's not like I can change anything but it just hurts to see. I hope it all wears off over time. I remember seeing JB's tribute and it was heartfelt asf. And then it all felt so surreal like wtf people are giving tributes to someone who should be alive like wut is happening. And now this fabi with teens muck. It's all so ugly man. And it all feels so dilute and inauthentic like everything is just hyper optimised to serve some need. I hate that. And even this spate to tributes, I'm sure a lot of it is real but how many people will remember you a year, two years or more later? Only the ones who love you. They'll miss you forever. Rest is, and was always noise. So like... why leave them so early? Pure childishness and self absorption. I really believe that. Life goes on as usual for a majority of folks and the few who love you will be devasted forever. That's the spectrum of impact. 

Thoughts like these bum me out ngl. And I don't wanna look at a board because I don't wanna be bummed out. Fuck, knowing you saw someone's last stream is just crazy. Tf does one do with that? 

Heh. Some realisations in life are so weird one knows not what to do with them. A person who was so universally loved still chose to look at the negatives and shape himself through that lens. 

Man. The one year I had looked forward to diwali and then just spent it shell shocked. 

Damn how I wish I could turn back time and go back to stop myself from ever playing chess. All I've seen is shitty things and people and that's it. I wish 2025 hadn't happened either while we are at it. This year just sucks. 😔 

I wish to stay far away from all these realisations.  

~