I think insecurities go away when you know someone has your back. Knowing they'll do right by you even when your back is turned. That's the kind of trust that is hard to find, but you should always keep. 

And they multiply when you sense they don't. Maybe that's what we get wrong a lot of the times. Hoping that someone who treats us badly is going to do right by us. With the right people you don't have to guess or worry, you just know they'll treat you right. 

Having S apologize repeatedly for a being late... even though it wasn't his fault... Just made me notice all the small things he does that are considerate. And in my mind it was like... Here's a person... Smart, successful, starting his own firm, has god knows how many patents to his name... And still is grounded enough to be considerate of me, my time and making sure to communicate that. 

I don't want to contrast this with anything else... But little by little I want to ensure that I have only room in life for similar people who showcase that consideration and kindness implicitly. Its up to me to protect myself and I owe it to myself to pick people who bring that kind of wholesomeness to the table. I think I will too. For all the mistakes I've made, and all the times I screwed myself over... I don't think I'll ever compromise on decency and consideration ever again. I'm sure in the longer term that will be a step in the right direction. 

~

Hehe. I guess it's my turn to experience niceness from now. And I want to be receptive to it. Might feel new but that's all right. I'll figure it out as I go along from now. Fingers crossed 🤞 hehe.