Remembered my brother and just started crying lol. Miss him sooooo much! Maaan. Legit just miss him lots!!!

😕😕😕😕😕😕😕

Up so early, had to check if I was dreaming. It's soooo cold outside I need to just be in my cocoon rn omgggg. 

Shhhh world! Gniiite

~

Awake again and still I'm up before my alarm goes off. 💪🏼 Birds and me. Chirp chirp chirp

~

Omg tennis is love. It was such a beautiful sess my goodness me. I loved it so damn much. Ooof. I like that cone thing, easy peasy get the right shots. What a beautiful game though. Like just. Mama mia!

Fuck this creatine supplement. Midday and I'm already developing a headache, it just dehydrates me so badly. Bleh. Never again yuckky.

~

Wow it's raining again. I suppose the seasons really have shifted. Pouring and so dark outside. Water is good.

Every tiny bit of pain and ache and twinge has gone away. After months I feel so springy and sprightly rn. Too bad tomo it'll all come back in some shape or form. 

The decision to rest and recover was a good one in hindsight though...I'm glad I took some time off. Really feels like there's an underlying adaptation process that also happens with rest. I don't feel the same set of aches again most times. Let's see if the theory holds. Hehe. Oh well. Tis what tis. 

~

It's morning now and it rained so much last night. Good, we needed it tbh. Miss old days here when the weather was just perfect year round. 

~

Yaay for good rallies. How very fun it is. 

Once more this dude played all the moves I was thinking of and then lost! Zoop! 

Ugh. Bummer. It's just annoying when that loss suddenly happens tbh. 

I need a nice solo trek. Maybe this weekend. It's been ages since I went up a hill! And the weather is great for it. Even the comic strip exhibit looks great! 

Yearning for some nature and art! I wish people start like an art and hiking retreat somewhere out of town. I think it'll be a great way to just recharge. Mostly just craving peace and sanctuary from the hustle of the city. Be a wonderful way to live ngl.

~

Omg I got in such a nice checkmate ooh la la. Damn. 🔥

" I don't know what they are called. The spaces between seconds. But I think of you always in those intervals."

What a pretty thought, and such a lovely way to express it. And then I tried to look it up and a blog from 2008 came up. And then it said... "17 years ago." 💀

Way to ruin it, huh?

~

Having said that, I guess never really realised how old fashioned my values are tbh. Just now I was thinking about something and it's kinda later in the night and I just feel this sense of affection towards that thought. Kid me was always zooping towards everything futuristic. But the now me is stable and slow underneath that urge to banter and learn new stuff etc. I like that. I'd also like to consolidate that over time. Well, time is all we have. It's a privilege to be alive. I'm glad I get to be here right now and I hope I always am. And it's a privilege to feel affection and to read the line above and know how sweetly it just fits in my life experiences, that I can both understand and appreciate it for what it is. 

 Everytime I'm in the 1900s people just play so poorly like it's such simple calculations that we all do wrong. It's embarassing ngl. I do the same as well. Soooo often. Not embarassed enough tbh. Should be though. Shame.

 💪🏼 Pains are backkkk! Heh. I totally get why that guy was always hobbling about and sitting on chairs haha. Fuck. Oh well, just gotta get used to it. It'll be fine in a while. More stretchinggggg

All my aches and pains have subsided. I wish to enjoy this 12 hours of bliss before I go play tomo and come back with a new collection of aches and pains because why not? A brief interlude, if you will.

La vie est belle, until it isn't. 😬

~

How good it feels to twist and turn in any direction I please without whinging and something twitching though. Ooof. 

~

Oh well. Atleast I can play again, that's good. 

🎉 

Mondays are back! Good good, back to routine. Always a nice feeling to fall back on ♥️

~

Oh my god some account just popped up on my feed and I was wondering why this beefy dude is popping up. And turns out it's some thirsty trappy guy talking about being single and loving his kid and showing his abs in every post. And D follows him. Hahahahaha fuck. Oh my goodness! I can't stop laughing at this maaaan. Fuck. And that dude is sooooooooo scammy... Just removing shirt and playing some oh 'woe is me look I'm such a nice guy' bullshit. 

I can toooootally imagine her wanting to trade her husband in for this dude and then adopt his kid to feel like the wonderful self sacrificial woman she wishes to pretend to be. Oh the fantasies that get us through the day, eh?

Ahahahhaha ohhhh mannnn. Men fall for all these scammy accounts but women falling for the same is equally hilarious. Oof. 

~

Heh. A good laugh to start the day. 

🥢 love

Periods are closing in on me and giving me a craving for chocolate since the last two days. It's the only time in the month that I feel like I want something sweet. Not even sweet tbh. I hate sweet, but just that depth of cocoa 😻 

And so I find myself with a slice of cake in my chopsticks, dipping it in cold milk and just marvelling at how cool Asians must be to have figured out how to eat with two sticks. They are just so damn versatile. 

Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Esp for a person like me that hates touching a snack with my hand. It's just the best. 

Even the dipping is just right oof. 

~

Life is good. Simple, no frills and sweet. Nay. Chocolatey.

Little things make me the happiest!

~

Lmc clue and check how far away they be tbh. And also google luteal phase while I'm at it cuz wtf why that app throwing fancy words at me? 

Who names a period tracker clue anyway? Clue to solving the 'why you crave chocolate and wish to weep while watching silly films?'

Lmao I just got bullied into accepting laddoos. 😂 I don't even eat them and pointing that fact out simply led to a why not? Hahahhaha fuck. 

Old ladies just straight up nicely veto you into doing what they want you to! Oh boy! 

Sade

 Kiss of life

90s was hands down the best decade ♥️

~

Have I lost interest in chess? Or am I simply sucking cuz I suck? 😭

I am listlessly playing. Now I don't wanna

Dream journal

Having such strange dreams also. They feel so real as they dissolve and I wake up. I'm in some house, it's like a bungalow with large gardens while I'm packing and I have a smaller sibling who is being bratty. Place reminds me of those older structures with plants from long ago. Esp those old fashioned large leafed plants that kinda sprawl about. And while we are packing, I am just throwing things in a suitcase cuz why not. I've left it till the last minute. And the younger kid has done something wrong idk what, but it irritates me. So then I go and shout at her. I pull at her pigtail and the rubberband comes off, and I tell our mum that she has been doing that something she wasn't supposed to. I know she has been bratty all day and just giving everyone attitude. Finally I look at her and I realise she is about to cry. I melt a bit and then I just scoop her up and decide to ask her what's up. For once she also doesn't start throwing a tantrum and then just starts clinging to me. I sense something is wrong so I want to ask her what it is but instead I first say I'm sorry. For pulling her band out. It was a small thing but that makes her cling more. So I walk to the garden with her, hoping the sunshine makes her feel better. And ask her what's up. And she goes... Mom and dad don't talk and noone gets to talk badly about mom and it angers her and she is also sad. So I just give her a big hug and promise her noone will talk badly of her mum ever. She complains about her dad never speaking to her about anything, but I know he is sad so he doesn't know what to say and she is too small. I can feel her hurt and angst though. I feel like we are cousins at this point? Idk. Something. And while she clings I decide to let her be as long as she needs and tell her she can pack all her fav things with her. And give her as much reassurance as I can. Hopefully she could feel it through the hug, I tell myself. Then the dream begins to dissolve. Right in that garden as I'm wishing this little kid feels better. 

~>€[

And now I'm awake and wuuuuut was thaaaaat? Lol. I don't even know. 😂

Could literally feel the desire to make this kid feel at peace right as I wake up and whooooo was it? 

~

Dreams are so funny like faces make sense in them but outside they don't. Well. Atleast I hope the dream kid felt a little reassured. Sorry for snatching at your pigtail little one. Idk why but I'm glad I led with an apology, I feel like hurt folks sometimes just lash out but they need you to understand them more than retaliate at their inability to deal with stuff. 

~

Maaaan. 

There's nothing in the world as precious as little kids and hurt kids who can't articulate it just break my heart yo. Like. I wish I could prevent any and all kids from being hurt I wish that was possible. Such a bummer that is.