Dammit 2 beers and I feel high. Lol. And I feel so much fondness for someone I should not.

Ugh. UGHHHH. 

One of the legit mysteries of life for me is not knowing why this one person matters to me so much that I feel like being my best self for them, wanting to just do more and be more and just be responsible. I've never felt like being responsible so completely towards someone before...now for once in life I do. I don't know where that thought takes me, but it definitely has put me into this trajectory of wanting to be very responsible towards them, a burden I was so reluctant to undertake for anyone else lmao. Hehe. I like that tbh, I like knowing that I wish to come through for someone. Finding a core drive is always a good thing, and I feel this one will pay dividends in the long run. It's the spark I was missing forever. 

With or without you. Maybe you were just a conduit...it'll be a shame if I simply forget who you were someday. Oh well, what can anyone say. I mean I could say a lot. Drunk enough to feel affection but not enough to feel anything more. That's good, I like knowing how streamlined my feelings are now. I shall never sell myself out for anyone ever again. 

Sic vita est, vita bona est.