Pottery and Ceramics, just so pretty. Spent an inordinate amount of time looking at that stuff and it looks quite doable too. Hmmm. I'd like to try it out. Ugh. I don't have an oven lol. Lmc how. 

Excitinggggg!

Been wearing socks like a grandma for a month now. 🥶 

~

Why is it that nighttime is always when I feel the most restless and active? Like why? Feels like zomg now I can do so much and why aren't I reading more and why aren't I doing xyz, it's weird but also always true. Post 6 pm is when I feel like getting tuff done but daylight? Oh gawd no. Sheesh. 

~

Actually enjoying Leviticus, the writers of that time really took themselves very seriously too. I wonder if anyone in the world still reads though. Maaan, realising that my friends reading level is so poor she doesn't even understand the themes of children's novels was soooo mind blasting. It's very shocking to see someone be so inept, it's like watching dunning krueger in action. Crazy. Anyway. 

~

Also enjoying Howell streams, I like that he keeps the vids up so I can catch a few minutes here and there. It's interesting how his chess is so stylistically different from others, completely focused on removing all counterplay and keeping stuff solid in his half. Lol. I suppose this is what old man chess is meant to be hahah. Fuck, the amount I laughed when he went about scooping pawns in bullet instead of just ending the game I was just soooo shocked that his instincts are to be as technical as he can be hahaha. Plus, there's something very soothing about realising someone as strong as him still goes on 8 hour benders to regain rating lmao. " One of us, one of us! "

It was very difficult to look at chess peeps post naro passing, but atleast with Howell and Sadler, it feels good. Very simple folks, good at articulation, no bs, good jokes at times, and no obscene bullshit. It feels good to just see skill tbh. I actually do enjoy that a lot. Heh... I suppose in these uncertain times, it bodes well to keep to spaces and communities that are respectful. 

~

Made in Abyss is turning out to be every bit as weird and nutty as they said. Man, anime is one artform that really allows for creativity to shine. 

U2

 Baby's got blue skiesss overheadddd

Sweetest thing

Eternal fire... She turned me to straw.

~

Ours is a Stormy kinda love.

Du du du du du du du....

Ohhh.

~

Ugh. My fav songs from ages back. I still love it just the same. Dammit. Swooooon. Imma play it again, even the beginning is so nice!

~

Who doesn't love blue skies? And idk why that looks like Ronan Keating in the background lol. Heh, love him too!

~

Omg he was a part of the video too damn... Never even knew haha. So cool, an apology song for the wifey hehe. That's just so goddamn romantic though. Mr. Bono showing his blue eyes for his brown eyed wife lmao. What a cheezy guy. How very cute, and that dog too. Damn this is from 2009. So long back, I was yet to meet him. Fuck, I can't believe there was a time in life that I didn't know the one person that defined so much of my life haha. Well, the only person to sing me before I fell asleep talking to him. Hehe. Sweetest things. 

Sometimes there's a total block towards getting something done, like it'll just be that one task but just don't want to do it any which way. Gotta look at it as taking medicine lol. Hate it, but have to do it. 

Ugh 12th already where to weep year flying ugh ugh ugh. 

Rant done ✅ 

🌺

 

Sometimes you just gotta do florals. How very pinteresty of me. 

Heh dad's bday and I'm gonna stuff some cake yumzz. Idk why but I'm totally craving something chocolate

~

Happy b'day dad and elvis. Always loved that they share a bday 🎂🎂

All the good things

Pepper, ginger, honey, almonds in hot milk. Oof. Perfect winter drink. For someone who hates milk, I finally found something I like. Too bad this cold is ruining me anyway. 🥺

I wish to see some korean thrillers this month. I'm so excited to finally finish my novel too, zomg. It feels really nice. Hehe. I think I want to write atleast ten books, just because. A lot of the process is tedious, but it feels good. Surprisingly, I seem to care more about structure and architecture of the story more than the story itself. I suppose I am very left brained and gravitate to technical stuff more than anything else. Hmm. Well, it's alright, I don't think anyone has ever said you gotta do this one way or another, let me just chart my own path. Tech stuff is so much easier and more intuitive though ahha. There's a lot of comfort in set outcomes, in that you know there's no ambiguity and you can describe a solution just so. Always struggled a lot with ambiguous stuff, it's soooo hard to get it right, feels like popping in the middle of an ocean and then just staying there lol. Oh well, let's see what I discover outside my comfort zone!

Jab 6th already!!! Aaaaa! 

🐾 paws

Sometimes the sound of paws of the doggie upstairs feels so endearing. The gait, the slowness of it, when he shuffles against the wall. It's just so damn cute. I love animals so much. There's this sense of slowness and just existing with them that I find lovely. Paws and pause, it's nice that they go well together. Hehe. I can imagine laying in bed with a dog putting his snout on my tummy. Patting it's head and generally feeling it's warmth. Especially retrievers, they have the exact right sized heads to casually pat haha. I used to looove holding my dogs' snout and then kissing her cheek also, it felt adoooorable. What an asshole she used to be too, completely forgot her training, would sneak on the bed when we weren't home, then sneak under it the minute we got back. I remember how much hair and a dog shaped depressing on my bed everytime with her looking up like wut wut. 

Even the one time she was sick, I actually had to sleep under the bed with her cuz she would cry otherwise. Hehe, stayed up all night to comfort her and comfort myself cuz seeing someone in pain is so tough for me. 

Love you Gambol, never got another pet after you passed cuz I don't think it would be fair to. And I can't bear the idea of losing one ever again. I couldn't even watch the end of Marley and me, I recall simply skipping it. 

Losing pets and people you love is so tough. That void is unreal. Everytime I visit granny's home, I feel the absence of my aunt so keenly. A light just goes out forever. End of last year, I kept thinking of how it must be for naro's gf and family who might also be so shattered. The thought of losing someone you wish to spend your life with is so fucked up man. I suppose in some odd way it made me want to distance myself from some elements of the chess world too. 

My entire morality and life philosophy is centred around love and life, trying to do right by people, cherishing them was always important because you never know when you don't have them around. I'm glad that still holds true, and that life experiences haven't dulled that central part of my being. 

I suppose I'm better at guarding my own boundaries, but every time I have to do that I feel a bit like a caged bird who yearns to run free. I suppose it's not the same for everyone but pettiness has always felt so silly to me. It's very childish and that's something I hope I never stoop down to. Gah. Stupid boundaries haha. But well, I suppose I gotta look at it as blinkers to ensure I align my needs along a path where only people who are similarly aligned walk in. Then again, can just be like dogs and be happy and eat well and run around and let everything else be. Hehe. 

Good lord it's already Jan 5!!

Periods arriving right on cue. Just completely emo I felt heh. And then missed someone to boot. It's only 4th Jan lmao. Dad's bday on the 8th, I actually want to do something nice for him this time but dunno what. Can't travel, it's too cold there too. Ugh. Hmmz.

~

I noticed something yesterday that left me shocked. 

Distrubing asf. Why did I choose to scroll on twitch lol. Should give it a wide berth, I guess this must be a regular thing with these folks if it pops up on such a random day. Sad that it isn't even surprising.

~

 

World be crazy man. In 2010 I thought life will be so advanced in 2020s and look at things now. Errthing on fire and cramps be setting in. Been awake all night and I feel so tired. WELCOME 2026! FAKED goodness for 3 whole days, you wily minx! 

Already on 3rd!! Time is flying by yet again zomggg

2025

Year is ending in a few hours. I'm feeling bittersweet. But also looking forward to 2026 bigtime. This is going to be a good year, and I have a feeling I need to be prepped for all the changes hehe. Idk but I kinda just want a lot of milestones to come about this year. 🤞

~

I hope the world sees more positive changes too. It's time things stopped being crazy haha. Oh well. I have a good feeling about this year, hope it's fantastic. Let's ring it in! 

 Running is joy

Holy crap magnoose is a fucking god oh myyty. Damn son, too damn good.

Finding the discipline to write is definitely hard, esp the iterations it takes to get things exactly right. More than shooting in the dark, it's the underlying insistence on getting things exactly so that really gets to me tbh. Hmmm. I'll tackle it, but also whine while I do hehe. Let's goooo