One of those days when I just wanna cuddle in bed ugh. Already wearing socks like a granny 😵

Role models

Conan is a goat for a reason like. I have soooo much respect for him. His demeanor with his fellow workers, his love for Sona and how protective and friendly he is. Every night I hear some of his podcast and the thing that strikes me the most is how down to earth all the folks around him are. There's no meanness there. A tiny segment where sona jokingly asked if she should diet cuz he said he was and the way he instantly jumped in with a noooo you are beautiful. Like. And the lady who added the words about how Sona was a good role model growing up for her etc was right. In a sea of fakeness, this one is the real deal and I applaud her for that. 

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I suppose my love for Elaine Benes as a character also stemmed from that. She was smart, pretty, funny, selfish and a whole lot of stuff. But she was always natural and never overly sexualised. I really respect that. I find the whole overt sexualization and objectification of women to be the exact flipside of the coin for making them wear veils and what not. It's just treating them as objects and not people. I suppose it may not be a popular opinion but like... It's okay to be who you are. For everyone. And props to conan for being such a good guy, he is so sharp and picks up on nuances so well. More people should be this way. And to think I once hung around a dude who translated the russian word for slut for me without batting an eye and letting his friend pass lewd comments. Idk why I fooled myself for so long. Heh. As they say... People show you who they are, believe them. Amen to that. 

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Zorba the Greek. We should be a bit like that. 

Day before periods and everything sweet makes me semi senti hahahah. Shit. I wanna snuggle a bar of chocolate though, kind craving that after a long time. 

Couldn't sleep, went on yt and that stupid site gave a jumpscare. Lmao. So many months of avoiding and suddenly some siberian thingie popped up complete with ai summary that was funny asf. Ugh. I hate that I'm laughing. Expert commentary analyzes every move it would seem lmao. Wtf yaaaaaa

Magnoose, Laver

End up seeing magnoose stream quite often now. I wonder how come he does it. Their app must be in trouble. Still, not complaining. Actually really enjoy how low key and chill it is. Man, can't believe a manchild like him will be a father soon haha. Everyone growing up eh? Heh. 

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Oh god again that same dude spamming esse analyses with engine on. Bruh. This is just sad and embarassing. 

Literally every time. Crazy folks. 

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Ooo bro at laver cup ugh. I wish I was there too dammit. 

Heh bro thinks opelka will win I go ruud. Let's gooooo. 

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Omg he is seeing Alcaraz too later zomgggg

Having a long chat with bro and he also suggests diversifying lol. Hmmm. Interesting. I have so much to think about tbh.  

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Lately, it's tough to articulate a lot of this stuff. I feel like I'm about to take some important calls and hmmm. As usual I'm dragging feet because of the finality a change in direction usually brings. Ponderings lol. Need some woowoo stuff like vision boards and what not. 

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Edward Hopper

Really loving his work. It's not often I understand well what an artist is trying to say but when it clicks it feels so good. 

I like his landscapes even more than his city work tbh. There's a sense of hope in them that's lacking in his cityscapes lol. 

Cape Ann Granite.

This delights me because I view landscapes this exact way.  It's so hard to express what that means but my eyes just lust for the beauty of nature in all its unvarnished glory. I love craggy hills and moss on stones and sunlight lighting up the entirety of it all. Being on top of a hill and looking around feels just this way ugh. God I love it so. 

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I know nighthawks and house by the railway is more iconic but to me there's a stillness and beauty in these that escape the dereliction of his human lens haha. Hope, I shall always cling to thee. I hope. 

Hehe some silly reel of brothers being the best crossed my feed and zomg. All senti I feel haha. Duuuuude. Ugh. Baby bros be the best 

Dream

A long road that widens slightly and goes upwards. Going up a hill of sorts that's surrounded by clouds to a restaurant right at the top in the middle of the mist and clouds. Going with someone in a car and the place was a bit on the Tibetan side with the hosts being Tibetan. The town it rests in was kinda abandoned by 7 pm. Slightly cold I expected it to be but it wasn't. A bit rainy. But going up that circular route to the hilltop was very beautiful. Let me see if I can find an image that depicts it. 

Definitely not this hypermodern but the gist is there. Hmmm. I wish I could capture the entire scenerie all the way up to the top. 

Man I wish I hadn't woken up that early I really wanted to see the rest of this dream. It was so interesting. Ugh. 

Violence

Brooo what is even happening in this world like fuuuck. What the hell. How can people just go around shooting folks man. Jesus. That's so messed up. I want the world to grow up and become normal again these fuckers have spread too much hate for this to be occuring. 😔 Noone deserves to die like this. 

It's honestly high time people stopped spreading hate and fear mongering. We need stuff that brings us closer not all this. Turn the page already. 

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I never wanted kids growing up and the way the world seems now I'm so fucking disgusted that I'm glad about that decision tbh. I would never want a kid to be a part of this complete shit show dude. Kids deserve a good world. We all have so much now, that it's just shitty to want to deliberately create a worse off world for everyone to live in tbh. Ugh. I just feel sick at the moment. 

I'd really liked that Gurel kid from the first time I saw him play and now he just beat the WC at classical. Damn. It feels nice when you can spot some good player hehe. Just a year ago he was up and coming. Good stuff can't wait to check the game out in the evening!

I cannot wait to be on my flight out aaaa. Lmao. I want to go go gooooooooo!!! 

One year death anniversary function. One thing I'll give to people who are community minded. So many of them show up and are around folks. That's quite sweet. I suppose the flip side is it can be stifling if the community is ass lol. Balance is key cuz people can be turds lol. It's an art to navigate all this, truly. I just slink off to the sidelines haha. People used to villainise being a black sheep but it's actually fairly good to be one. 

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Maaaan. I held mums hand and all lol. I think she got all emo haha. Good. Make people cry. Hahahha. 

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Ugh and now I wanna go home. Dammit why didn't I book a flight out for tomo? Should have. One extra day 💀

Watching magnus stream and some dude keeps spamming 'M analyses with an engine on' over and over in caps. 💀 How are people so nasty yo like. It just looks so bad. Noone ever mentions any other people, and these perpetual twitch dwellers will somehow find a way to be nasty to him. And his other idiot followers asking for an explanation of that statement like what a face palm. Damn. I've legit never seen other people have such a bad following tbh. The rest of the people I've seen actually have followers that are pretty respectful. Actually, even some of these dudes at times show up in other places and behave themselves perfectly well. Hmmm. I guess if you go around allowing people to call women holes and whores then these are the standards you'll get reflected back too. Meh. To each their own. Whatever. 

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I actually do enjoy magnoose streaming. He is sweet and chill, no airs, takes things lightly. I love when he sneaks a win he just laughs in that cheeky way haha. Hard to dislike him tbh. Despite his sketch shenanigans. He feels like a legit and decent dude tbh. Very nerdy too lol. Reminds me of most of my eng buddies tbh all the boys were similar except without the god level talent haha. I should tell the boys that lmaoooo. Hahahahha oh man. Hehe. Best thing about a lot of boys is how they are so chill themselves. Ribbing around is always fun then. 

USO 2025

Finally Alcaraz is coming into his own. I wonder what his ceiling would look like. I love sinner but I feel like no matter what he will have to really stretch to catch up. I wonder how carlitos would pair up against the big 4 in their primes. I have a hard time thinking  would beat prime Rafa or Roger etc even now. They were just so dominant and complete that I cannot imagine him dominating over their game. Sad that we will never know. Love the guy though. So stress free and happy to do his own thing haha. Makes it look like all sunshine and rainbows. 

Have an early flight and just can't sleep. I have never been more reluctant to travel lol. I do a lot for people out of a sense of obligation I feel. What can you do. Gotta come through when we can. 

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Hmmm. I can never look at this town as my home, it'll always be my parent's hometown. I used to be so scared they'd send me here when I was a kid lol. Even now, I am not comfortable here... Heh. I guess places you associate with strife are places you never want to visit. I never even wondered back then what happy families looked like lol. Just wanted to be independent of all this stifling shit. Fucking patriarchy. Annoying asf. Truly. I value my independence so damn much man. Like. I'm happy to do lots for people I love but it has to be my choice not a compulsion. Freedom is my one true love lol. Thine above all, the rest after. 

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Sometimes I feel there's no point in looking back just run to the future nicely. Heh. Might be nice. Mum and dad fuss over me lots these days. That feels nice. Hmmm. 

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Talked to some tennis player on the flight lmao... Trust these folks to show up in shorts and the entire kit even when travelling. Lmao. State level player must be decent. I cant stop laughing at this outfit it's so adorbs. Haha. My kinda people. Sporty and casual.