What maketh a man?

I was actually thinking about this. There's so few guys I'd term 'men'. Most are boys, regardless of their age. And I was wondering what difference I sense in them. And I realised the distinguishing factor is responsibility. To me, boys grow into men when they finally learn to take responsibility for people other than themselves. And these days it's not the most important thing for most, so I'm not sure how many will grow into that, but in the end that's the one thing that counts. I see those traits in my dad, how he worked hard for us, made sure we get a good life, good education, stand on our own feet. He never once asked for anything in return, except bragging rights when we do well. It's lovely. There's not a single thing I ever wanted which he didn't give me. As a kid, I was shy and I never asked for anything. So my first memory of him is when I just looked at something in a shop and I felt like I wanted it but then decided not to ask, and he just saw that one look and got it for me. And I've always known I can rely on him, part of why my life is so easy because I have that sense of security from him. And his compassion, altruism and genuine generosity is something that has defined my beliefs from the get go. I'm so proud that I'm like him. Stubborn, reliable and always choosing to protect others. These are the traits I inherit and ones I'm so proud of as well. In a country that makes such a distinction between girls and boys, he always saw the best in me and never once treated me differently because of gender. That's so rare. And I never once had him force me into some weird marriage because I'm of age and such nonsense. Damn. I do admire you and love you to bits! If there's one thing I'd love to accomplish, it's to have you be very proud of me. Just the way you have always wanted. Now that our battle of stubbornness has finally ended, I can appreciate the mix of steeliness and steadiness in you, which I keep trying to instill in myself as well. 

I'm glad I have a role model in him. The feeling intensified when I had those convos with those two twitch boys weeks/months ago. One of them has a kid, the other a fiance. And yet, neither has any semblance of responsibility or maturity. Like they may individually be nice,and I'm sure there must be positives to them as well, but there isn't a hint of traditional manliness in either. It's just bumming around. Life isn't about being edgy and cool all the time, I wonder how long it takes them to realise that. Or maybe they never will. I'm glad I extricated myself from that, sometimes in my eagerness to understand people, I momentarily lose sight of my north star. But it's cool, I always pull back. To be honest, only one dude from that group actually seems sorted, and he is a dad of three. And he likes writing long, long paragraphs...just like all old folks who love talking do! Reminds me of all the retirees from my dad's work. They are all so adorbs, and love telling me stories of their lives.

I guess spending time with P and M's sister's families just brought me back to a sense of solidity. I see that solidity in Raves too. He might be genz asf in all the silly stuff he keeps doing, but he is such a dependable person when it comes to his family and carrying them forward. I think that's why we get along. Plus I love hearing about his antics with his gf lol. Such random nonsense they do, it's very entertaining. 

I think I'd also been on cusp of womanliness for the last few years, but I sense I have since turned the corner and slowly all my fears and impositions have started fading away. It took forever to work through all the issues that held me back, but I'm glad tenacity is a natural trait in me. I hope I keep going and I hope life is kind enough to bring people my way that appreciate who I am and work to keep me in their life too. I've usually been the one to do that for others, but I think it's time that others do it for me as well. I want to have a sense of restfulness when it comes to people henceforth. I'm gonna work so so hard to make sure everyone gets the best version of me too. That I promise. And no more allowing childish people who might tell me bs like 'I have no value' lol. Man, I really have lowballed myself so much all my life, haven't I? Oh well, lesson learnt, done and dusted. 

Ugh. I genuinely feel happy and content today. All smiles! :)