Dandelion

All my life I wondered if there was something inadequate in me and had this desire to hide my real self so people only see a version of 'perfect' that I wanted to project. Which also meant that I never allowed for any true intimacy with anyone romantically. But as I'm growing up, I'm realising that it's okay to be able to let people in, and let them see the flawed, scared child I can be. It used to feel powerless to do that, which is why I tried being strong for everyone. But it's okay to let someone else be strong for you too. If I can love that child in others, then I'm sure they can do the same for me. And I actually do. I've loved everyone's inner child and sought to protect them. A, M, Di, H, S... So many people across my life. I think it's important to be able to come through for people when they seem tired or down, it makes life a tiny bit easier. I've noticed that people tend to trust me and open up to me quite a bit, and while it always surprised me, I didn't understand until much later when someone told me it's cuz they feel safe with me. That's wonderful, I'm so glad. I always assumed since I have a sharp tongue people might find me scary, so it's great that my inner intents sometimes get noticed. 

I think I've been my weakest, most vulnerable self around M and she has always caught me when I needed it. She is such an incredible  rock, a lifetime of payback wouldn't be enough for me to show her how deeply I care. A sister like no other. I think it's time I start letting my guard down for good and let people who are special to me to see the real me too. I'll always do my best for them, and that's one fact I trust implicitly as it's my core. And that's all anyone can really ask for, isn't it? Even if you falter, you can pick yourself up and try again. So yeah, in the midst of all the chaos I've felt recently, this one fact sticks out and I'm now comfortable with it. I'll try to be more open henceforth. Sometimes we realise what we need but we also have to work our way up to admitting it and that takes a bit of time. And that's okay. Time is all we have, so why begrudge it to yourself or someone else? 

Haha, approaching vulnerability with a warrior mindset, I like that. But no more armour around close ones.