Ugh

I almost told M about that conversation I had with his friend and what made me feel so grossed out. But I didn't. Man. Aaaah. I'm so annoyed. And even rn just thinking about it makes me feel so sick. No guy in my life has ever had the audacity to straight up, even as a joke say something like " If you want someone to impregnate you, let me know" 

Ugghhh. Like hoooowww. Even as a joke and I wrote off every other thing he said as a joke, how does someone just say that shit to a woman?! Howww? Idk is this my fault? Is being nice and talking to someone just opening the door to letting them say this stuff? I'm so mad at him and at myself for not calling it out more strongly than I did right then and there. But ffs I kept on saying I like someone, I'm not indulging this and changing topic. And he isn't a child, he is like 40 or so. In fact, he has a child. Fuck. I truly do not understand people sometimes. . 

It's been two weeks and even now the memory of this bs makes me feel so dirty. It's like he took something I cherish, something that's so so so private for me and just sullied it and idk I feel so grossed out by it all. And you know what? I'm mad at myself for being such a wimp that I didn't just throw a fit and end the conversation. I should have. I'm a complete moron for being this gullible. Serves me right for constantly finding excuses for how people choose to behave. 

Fuck it. I just want to forget it ever happened. And I'm never ever ever ever letting my guard down around anyone ever again. I fucking hate humanity. 

Edit: Great. I finally told meghana and she is also giving me a earful about always having rose tinted glasses and being an overall dumbass. Well, she is right. I deserve all the scoldings I get.