The weird emotional feeling I've been trying to stuff down all week is knocking at the back of my mind rn. Lol. 

It's just. 

The sheer ungratefulness of my dad's side of the family. And my dad too. They are so fucking self centred and shitty dude. 

All week I spent taking my cousin around town and generally trying to make sure it was a pleasant stay. And not a word of thanks from her, from her dad, from my dad. Nothing. Didn't even text me saying it was a good trip or thanks for spending so much time and money on me or any of that. 

Pathetic bro. Pathetic. 

~

All of these I just choose to see as lessons now. Like I want to go as far away as possible from these people and never look back, and never ever allow people like this to be a part of my life. This selfish bullshit behaviour can go fuck itself. 

~

I guess the silver lining about shit behaviour when you experience it early on is simply that you don't know what you are missing out on cuz you have no framework to. That's a good thing in itself. But now my key take away is that I'm going to wait for people to actually be nice to me and prove that I'm a priority in order to allow them into my life. Otherwise just be self sufficient. That's all. Part of me just wants to create a new family and then have a do over lol. How I wish.