I suppose since I never saw the model of people making an effort, for large parts of my life I simply didn't know what I was missing out on. Life is funny that way, sometimes ignorance is bliss. You just get super independent and self reliant in a sense. But I am also a protective person so for me, the older mum gets the more I feel like shielding her from harm. I want people to be inviting to her, and make an effort to make her feel included and loved and comfortable. I feel like how a guy treats my parents would be a barometer for me to fall in love or abstain from him. In general how he treats me, consideration etc would all be what I will give weightage to. Heh. Like that tennis dude and how natural his caring is. That I would definitely want in a future I build. I'm extremely sure of this now. 

I also know that I didn't have to contend with a loooot of other behaviours. I have no beef with my dad's brothers' kids. Probably why I made such an effort for them this time. And I can't in good conscience except anything or want anything from the kids. But from the adults I do except some bare minimum thanks and how are you. Like how is that tough when I've spent the week making sure your kid has a comfortable and enjoyable stay? That's just bullshit behaviour on their part to not acknowledge or say thanks. Uncle calling mum after I mentioned it to dad was just another layer of annoyance like come on you really needed prompting? This side of the family truly sucks balls. 

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I remember M and how he would use words like mom and how he talks in such fond tones about her and how she calls him honey etc. lol 'Hi honey, how was your day? ' wonder if she would talk to him like that? Hehe, It felt adorable to hear, but more so cuz I understood right then how protective he must be of her. Plus he is sooooo capable of hating people with a passion that I totally understood the wrath he must feel towards the lady who messed up his mums life. So yeah. I know that crazy protective feeling you get towards people you care about and how hard it is so then find moments of being nice to the set of folks who messed that up for them. And why I'm soooo baffled at the other M for clinging to an abusive dad more than her mother. That's just batshit crazy. The tanking of this one equation brings me nothing but peace on account of how much dissonance in values I find there. She can just lick dirt for all I care. Repulsive woman, truly. Weird that someone has fallen so low in my mind eyes that I still see M with all his assholery more favourably as compared to her. This stupid world will provide clarity where none is needed haha. Just to flip you off, cuz why not. 

Anyway. 

Onwards to the next week. I look forward to just working hard, I'm glad my leg is better so I can play. And just dive back into my routine with a fresh mind. 

And I can read my new books. 

Omg that first short story I read, turns out all the characters in naruto like amaterasu and susanoo are actual mythical creatures in Japanese lore. I didn't know that. Oops. Let's see what else I find. 

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Why is seth rogan so hot? Ugh. Just recalled he used to be my answer for celebrity that noone would guess you wanna fuck. And now I see him AND STILL find him hot lol. That voice, hair beard combo, there's just something about him 🥵🥵