The amount of news and hate I've seen posted around has me weary. Just in one day no less. I am sick of all of it. The hate, the meanness, the complete pivot of people proclaiming decency to whatever the fuck they are peddling now. It's all just so sad and soulless. Hmmm. All the more reason to just concentrate on creating a good story and immerse myself in things that do not require weariness. 

~

One of my goals for 2025 is to keep negativity away from myself and focus on things that give me joy. Two months in, and I'm not exactly streamlined but I am getting there. Gotta pick up the pace from now. Let's make every day of March count, starting today. 

~

There needs to be more soul and wholesomeness in the world. Acutely understanding the sheer importance of family values and the role they play in people's lives. Empathy is extremely important. If you have a choice in the matter, never choose to be around someon who doesn't have it. 

Cyberpunk Edgerunners

Wondering who tf saw it on my Netflix and turns out it was me and now I'm back seeing it and listening to that damn song I liked the first time around. 

Ugh.

I really want to stay at your house

 Ugh I'm so sick of chess wtf is even happening just regressing like there is no tomo i hate this fuck this game aaaaaaa

FUCK I HATE THIS STUPID GAME

Tom and Jerry

Ahahahahahhaha noooooooo! Omgggg. Hahahahah. 

Oh man. Held back by propriety lmfao. I don't even recall who had annoyed me back then. My yelling is more of gently chiding not the batshit crazy version of yelling these folks are used to though. It's like people don't even realise there's numbers 2 to 99 between 1 - 100. Never even realised I had to spell that out. 

~

Dammit why am I laughing at this it's just sooooooo juvenile man. Ugh. Wtf. Melting like a stupid candle on the lowest heat setting. Ugh. PATHETIC. Haha. Idk it was too opportune to not laugh at. 

~

Whatever. I'm not putting things right this time someone else can figure it out. 🤷‍♀️ And since it's too much hassle to fess up then I guess imma give benefit of doubt and simply just assume massive dickery and heinous villianry is afoot and let it go at that. And if someone wants me in their life, then they need to be direct, nice and genuine - no manipulation behind the scenes, no trying to bait me, and actually being good to me. I am not catering to anything that's not directly said to me. And after writing that shitty lol they can't possibly be entitled enough to hope that I'd be the one to fix stuff or I'd get baited this way. It's just cheap to do this, it shows either zero respect for me or complete cowardice. If he wants to talk he can call on his own, ask nicely and do it the right way. Trying to bait me or whatever this is after all that more desire to just manipulate. This is just wrong. You can't be so insecure as to think people will only like if you if manipulate them and show them some illusion or that you need to earn their admiration. People can simply care cuz they want to. And they won't if they don't. 

If you care about someone you lift them up, not do your utmost to destroy them dude... Did noone in your life teach you that? Whatever. Exhaust whatever attempts at manipulation you like, I will only respond to respect, consideration and decency, rest of it idc. 

Que sera sera, mon cherie. Whatever will be, will be.

Heh. I think this is very true. I have this exact same reaction. Like a switch that just goes off and you simply stop caring. And once you simply stop caring, there's no way back from it. That's the thing a lot of men don't get, they always feel like it's okay to mistreat you and you won't leave and once you have enough, you suddenly just get over it. And a lot of times that's what makes them make an effort but it's too late. Which is fair, like all you end up having to look back on is the sheer exhaustion of having been hurt again and again. Sometimes when you give up, all you can think of is why didn't I give up sooner, this feels great lol. Haha. Well, I hope never to find myself in such a situation again. And to be fair, most people I've known have been great. I don't think I'll ever make the choice of being around someone nasty again so Woohoo! 💯🎉

Damn. I knee jerk sent that news about spassky to this guy and then saw the prev convo and it hit me how he didn't even bother once to reach out on his own and then just deleted it. Hmmm. Yeah. I'm happy to make an effort for people but it will only be for those who make one for me. Not just circle back to view what I feel about it at a later date. If he can spend time trying to hoax views, he can choose to say hi on his own instead. A lot better, and a much more respectable choice that would be. Wasting time conning is absolutely unnecessary. 

~

Spassky - 27th Feb 2025

Damn. RIP. 

~

Sometimes I forget how young chess is, and how old. 

Man, post workout recovery is a bit longer than it used to be. Interesting change I wonder how I can mitigate it. 

To watch

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Damn Michelle Tractenberg died. Wtfff. Oh man. Only 39. Shit. Part of Eurotrip and Gossip Girl. Two of my guilty pleasures over the years. Shit dude. Feels bad.

Socrates

Is the action pious because God loves it or does God love it because it is pious? A Socratean thought experiment I fell asleep listening to and can safely conclude: Socrates must have been a very annoying person to be around. 

Just feeling so damn restless again. It's almost like if I'm not completely tired asf I can't fall asleep easily. Need to fix this 

Omg grandpa Kramms whining about tt again and saying he will call lawyer cuz carlsen talking to chat during. 💀🤣 What the fuck just keeps happening man. Lord how much of a nutter has he devolved to.

Heh. Vintage magnoose also on twitch. Why did this guy disappear and be replaced by a rogan bro lol. Sadge. Hope he ditches all the pretentious bs. I liked how he instantly and nicely responded to peeps who tried making jokes about yoo. I like that quality. Not harsh, not angry, but just stating something that should be said. It's stuff like this why he was so universally well liked. 

I've always wondered what makes a person likeable. I think it's just a mix of good ethics that walk the talk rather than pretentiousness + good humor that doesn't take themselves seriously, and general kindness. Then again, maybe I'm just listing things I find likeable haha. Plenty of people prefer turds like hans and hiki also so who really knows lol.  Anyway, I do like this stuff in general. I like people being centred and decent without any pretentiousness about them. Hehe. I guess some Indian qualities did sneak into me. Groundedness as a trait is nice to behold. 

Rybakina case getting worse and worse. Man, she was one of my fav wta players and now just fizzing out all because of a douchebag. Abusive guys can be so unhinged and scary. Now that Leylah Fernandez s dad being called out. It's another thing when it's your own parent being an abusive fuck. Crazy. I wish these women really have it in them to cut out such toxicity from their lives. Your own father berating you with slurs is something I can never even fathom. Damn dude. So many athletes seem to be a product of terrible environments. It's no wonder they don't reach their potential. 

Egg boilers

Screw it..let me be happy at my cute new purchase. Egg boilers zomg. I didn't even know they existed aaaa. So damn cute and tiny I love it!!

Ugh. My egg experience is getting elevated and I fucking love it. ♥️

Ohhhh. It just struck me why. 💀 Ugh. Even I'd noticed he suddenly disappeared and wondered why. Ok idk if I'm more annoyed or less now sheesh. Hmmmm. Yeah well, odd choice not to follow me but then to come by to check up on me when insta finally stops showing you after inactivity.  I said I was tired of complaining but like this much deception is 😩. Instead of just saying hey what's going on. 🙄💀 

~

Hmmm. 

I guess it's also true that I noticed the same thing lol. And I do miss him as well, clearly. But I don't get it. If roles were reversed and I just kept him on some sort of a leash and acted like I'm so high and mighty and never followed or acknowledged him, never wished for bdays deliberately and then followed that up with always finding out what's up with him behind his back... Exactly how would he take it? And those are just the lighter things tbh. I'm not listing all the other shitty things now. This dire need for deception is too much. 

~

And why should I look at any of this with humor while you get to pull an ostrich? Why should I forgive any of this, just so you can find an excuse to continue on being mean? 

~

Lmao just the extent of this is making me laugh tbh. I wouldn't ever do something this unhinged if I miss him though, but it's true I miss him so I don't exactly look at it as anything other than concern. Like don't worry so much. Imagine having to tell someone that when they lose it. Well, we do live in interesting times, what else can I say? Lol. 

Hmmm. Idk what to say. In the time I have known you, my aunt passed away, then a couple of years later my granny. My uncle needed surgery just a couple weeks ago. Life is short, and I spent some of mine just hoping I'm wrong and you would be nice to me someday. It was a silly hope that I don't have anymore. And I refuse to let my life become some waiting game for bare minimum decency or a simple hey how are you doing. But at the end of the day I did care, and so I'd like you to not worry and I'd also like you to do better yo. Life is finite, stop hurting people. And idk just take care of yourself. I'm right here if you want to say hi, but it's gotta be you that does it, I've done enough. Cheers. 

~

I'm always so proud of my friends and people I care about. Not cuz they are the best at anything, it's just cuz I want them to feel happy and valued. And with you, I've had to lie to my best friend and hide stuff because I couldn't bear to tell her how badly you made me feel. I keep trying to say something positive because it goes against my instinct for loyalty to not do so, and yet I'm acutely aware of the fact that I'm just compensating. I guess I don't want anyone to know that, which is why I've never ever mentioned that I knew you to anyone. How sad. It's so unlike me to do this. Not bad mouthing someone, but just being so ashamed that I simply stop saying anything lest someone finds out. I don't know what to do with that. 

And I like being around people who are proud of me as well, who value me the right way. I cannot compromise on that. I should not have compromised on it in the first place, but I kept doing it around you thinking maybe I'm wrong and there's a decent soul inside you. And yet, you can't even say hi on your own cuz you are so insecure so like. My friend asked me why would I ever want to be around someone so insecure that one has to constantly deal with their ego and I didn't have an answer to that either. I've spent my life around insecure people and all they do is find ways to play the victim as a shroud to avoid doing the right thing after harming people around them. I haven't felt cared for, valued, happy or any of that whenever I've been around you, just felt like some slave you want to keep in the dark, whose validation you want, whose entire life, family and being is of no consequence to you and whose privacy you can and will invade as and when it suits you because I suppose you didn't think I figured it out. Who in their right mind makes these choices dude? At 42, it's maybe too ingrained in you so idk. Maybe this is the kinda person you'll always be. Again, idk. If it's NPD, you should honestly get help. Or maybe you're hiding me from some other women or something. Guys do that right. Blah. Anyway, nothing I must not have mentioned a million times before. It's not right to have invaded my privacy so much behind my back in either case, esp if you were completely fine with hurting me as many times as you have. It's very ghoulish and I will shut this down if it happens again.Idk what else to say, just... Take care and atleast try once in a while to do better. This is honestly rock bottom behaviour have some shame dude. Seriously. 

~

Anyway this is all too gloom and doom so here's hoping I'm wrong about a lot of stuff, and that the sun shows up to shine again. 

CHEERS! 🍻