Incentives

Musk getting booted? Lol. Man, sometimes I just wonder at how fucking insaane some of these company evals are. Meta jumping in one single day and Zuck increasing his net worth in billions like what even. All of it just reeks of scamminess to me.  And their circle jerk members just keep luring good engineers with some promise of idealism it's all such a hoax. 💀

MOTHER FUCKER I'M ABOUT TO HIT A RAPID BENDER BC FFS I HATE THIS AAAAAA. GOTTA STOP. 

LIMIT YOURSELF TO ONE FUCKING GAME WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

Sheeple

I'm remembering "Do Androids dream of electric sheep" and it's mood regulation machines. What an interesting concept to have. If only life had such a switch. But then again, wouldn't you just do away with all emotions? Or would it be like cocaine and people just start hitting extreme dopamine highs all the time? Lol. Yeah this might actually be the way it pans out. Can always trust people to make the shit choice. 

Fuck lost one rapid ugh. Misclicked one move and then just got so damn annoyed. Plus played the opening tooooo fast ugh. Damn so much pain this isssss. 💀💀

Rapid King's Gambit.

Finally played longer game nice. Man, playing against King's gambit is fun. Pushing d5 is imp I see. Fuck, for the life of me that one position I kept thinking what's the best move and couldn't figure why it was d5. Damn. Nice though. Really enjoyed it. Lol, I love accepting gambits I don't even know why it's just psychology like fuck it bring it on, I'll go down in flames if I must but I shall fighhhhttt. 💪

I respect these gambits on principle, just so enticing. 

Will play another tomo let's goooo

Some things in the world, I'll never understand. But the good thing is - I don't have to. 🤷‍♀️

Camo and lemon yellow, goes well together. I feel like those tik tok dancers today.

Listening to Halsey and Chainsmokers and all those random edm tracks lol. I'm mushy enough to secretly like all these. 

Ehhh fuck it dude. Imma dance to it and feel good. 

Who is this OptimistischeSschach dude. V interesting. Followed one game and it happened to be with this guy. Beat him again. Crazy strong must be. I get so curious about these anonymous players 

Bonus Cardio Track: Edamame

Gotta get lots done, let's go!💪

Let me try to finish my project just this month. Fuck it, go all out and do it. I wanna give my best to everything everyday from now. Managed to stick to my routine in Jan, while being bummed out. I think I can continue and build momentum. Imma try. 

Wide awake

Up too early and watching chess. 💀

Curious

When someone forces themselves on someone else physically, it is termed assault. But what's the term for when someone repeatedly does something mentally to you that you object to, and yet they just continue?

It certainly seems emotionally/ mentally rapey to me when people choose to ignore a firm 'No' multiple times and continue to subject you to their shitty behaviour despite being asked not to repeatedly. 

Would it be termed a form of mental assault? Every single toxic person I've come across has had this one thing in common. Their complete and relentless ability to ignore a 'No' and crossing your boundaries repeatedly after being told not to. And this can come from any person at times. Like my stalker pal, who I used to think was a decent person but turned out to be like those very same abusive people and then continues to violate every boundary again and again. 

Like what does it take for them to stop? Or do they simply stop at nothing? 

Makes me sick to realise the shit you have to deal with for the simple crime of having been nice to someone. 

Singing

Been a while since I just had some light hearted fun and banter. I'm starting to miss that, esp just random leg pulling and lots of laughter. Been around too much seriousness for a bit I think. Wanna do one stupid karaoke night or something and sing Britney songs lol. Raves should have been here, he always kills it lol. Will call him up and see if he has frozen yet in Canada or if he survived. Miss chilling with him and listening to his insane stories 

Stupid fucking 3+0 chess sucks ass. Ugh. Hate it.

Such low level trash I've been playing yuck  

🐟

Trying to cook fish for dinner it looks ghastly. Wtf have I done to it?! 😭

Hermitting

I spent the entire first month of Jan just being frustrated asf. One month of 2024 already done and dusted and I was just ragey throughout. Lol. What a start. 

Sometimes I think it would be cool to just have a reset button like in games so you can just do over whatever level of life you didn't think you played the way you wanted to. Lol. Wishful thinking. But a girl can dream. 

Time to hermit mode life and just banish everything that doesn't serve a constructive purpose. Hope things get sunnier from now, too much gloom and doom this past month. 

Onwardssss! To newer problemssss, bigger hills to die onnnn and better things to whine aboouuuut!  ⚔️

It takes a lot for me to give up. Like a looot. Idk if that's good or bad tbh. Probably a mix of both depending on the situation. But yeah should not be in a position where you just feel drained. 

 QUIT BULLET ZOMG WHAT A DRUG IT IS