Ruud V Rune

Holy crap what a match this is turning out to be!! Rune holding on and Ruud painting lines!

Gg Ruud, glad to see you back! 

RG QUARTERS ARE HEREEEE!!!

Let's gooooo!! Hope you smoke Djoko, Kachanov! 🙌

Edit: Loool nvm Djoko supremacy yet again. But wooohooo!!

Chess stuff

Losing to the morra just sucks harder than any other opening lmao. Idk why but I want to beat it everytime lolol 🤺

Photographs

I was going through some old pics, especially from school times and I realised I've known so many people who were champs in their profession over the years. A, who is married to K now - quite possibly the biggest brand name in our country today, P - the billiards  prodigy, N with her swimming and D who was top ten in squash. And yet, I always just accepted them as folks on the periphery of my life without giving a fuck about wanting to know them cuz I never felt a connect to them. 

I kinda like how much of a sorted kid I used to be, and how I don't actually have any desire to know anyone unless they pique my interest, a feeling that lasts to this day. Idk if that was part arrogance back then, and my tendency to dismiss everyone that I simply don't find interesting, but I do like that I can look at people directly without filters or intimidation or any lens other than a direct one. Good shit.

Umm

Finally a good night's sleep. Just want to continue lazing around feels so good 

Lust

Long long back, I dated you writer-san. Date might be a strong word, whatever. And you wrote me this:

She lets me sleep more than sleep would have me

She lets me decide when she can’t have me

Her left brain, on the mirror, is like my right

I know, sometimes, what she wants.

But that knowledge, I shall not even whisper in her ears

And when we’d like to meet, we call it ‘catch up’

When we’d like to talk, we term it ’hang out’

And when the sun droops below the line,

That’s when our plans arise far out in the sky

What she wouldn’t know

Is the story of her eyes

Spread broad wide, but not for the world to see

One must have a good pair of eyes

To plunge into her pair of eyes

For otherwise, it’s sheer blindness

And all understanding – a blind spot

She doesn’t know she looks naked

When she covers herself up

Blinking once every two heartbeats

Yet she festoons her eyes with black lines

Like coal dragged over infinite loops

The smudges at the corner of her eyes

Is an index of both pleasure and pain

She lets her hair fall all over the book

As she flips its pages with her lips pressed

Those facades won’t help anymore dear

For there lies a way through every façade

For they wouldn’t be called ‘façade’ otherwise

Look behind you

And you will wish to flip things around

Such that the real comes out and positions itself

In place of the façade

And you will see

How short-lived the façade is

A hand-length deep inside you.

~

Did you hate me? Idk. I don't think you liked me very much though. You did like fucking me, that bit I know. And yet the biggest hard on you ever had, was for yourself. 

~

Funny. Very few times in my life I gave in to just pure lust. Something about being on the edge of the universe and dropping into the abyss was equal parts exciting and scary and enticing. It always made me wonder whether I sink or swim, if that makes sense. And yet I always knew it wasn't you. Your fakeness turned me off. Try as you might, you couldn't hide that from me, could you? Because you always needed an illusion, a delusion.People tend to undersestimate how much I know them, I never understood why.

I've always wondered why the truth scares people off so much, can you really not face your real selves? Always craving validation and the reassurance of other people's acceptance, wanting the mirror to show you an ideal. Pathetic. 

For once I'd like to meet my match, one that can play off of my instincts like a sine wave turned erratic. I like those magnetic pulls, ones that beg you to resolve the tension. I hardly ever feel them but when I do, I find them so hard to resist. Maybe it's just as well. 

My dear elusive lover, cheers to the day we do meet. And promise me that when we do... you'll look me in the eye, and see every tiny lil thing you make me feel. 

Made a new friend

It's so lovely when you randomly meet someone cool. She's pretty awesome, aaand I learnt about the environmental impact space from her. Idk why I tend to meet a lot more investment analysts over the last few years, but really fun to learn about the newer spaces that are coming up. Plus love it when women are leaders in it. Good shit!

:(

Breaks my heart to see that rubbish, hope it sorts itself out soon. Why do shitty things happen to nice people? 

Wtf

Like seriously wtf. 

G'day

The kind of cards they should make

Guilty only... of growing old

Along comes a song which combines my love of driving and nighttime. Hard to find lyrics I like in the newer songs but I have a thing for these simply cuz they're so slip and slide.

We're random bullets love 🎶

~

Outside it's nighttime and you're mine again
Red lights and thick frost are clothing all the land
Your breath draws a cloud on the window of our car
Our eyes exhausted, still begging for more
Engraved in wildness, have we gone too far?
Somewhere four wheels unwind the roar of their power
This road is a snake skin, glittering and bald
Like a reptile, that gash the frozen soil
The world is not ours
But faster than the rain
We cut the night
We're random bullets, love
Shot by some drunken god
Guilty only, of growing old
Hours like fires, burning our beliefs
Soon the sun will rise up and sew us in its dreams
Forgetting that we're sailors, without wind in our sails
Twins by the heartbeat until the morning brakes
Dismissed in dizziness, and begging for more
Have we ever noticed that nothing last for ever?
Faces toward the sky, 'cause the unknown is sublime
Printing every hour in polaroids of mine
The world is not ours
But faster than the rain
We cut the night
We're random bullets, love
Shot by some drunken god
Oh guilty only, oh guilty only
Of growing old, of growing old
Of growing old, of growing old
Of growing old
Hours like fires, burning our beliefs
Truth is right there baby, even if we bleed
Night roads are coal coats on the muscles
Of the world, leading us to nowhere
'Cause nowhere is our home
Nowhere is our home
Oh guilty only, of growing old
We're random bullets, love
The world is not ours
But faster than the rain
We cut the night
We're random bullets, love
The world is not ours
But faster than the rain
We cut the night 

~

Pics from an old grainy driving video and a random day I just took off cuz the day looked lovely. Something about skies with rolling clouds is 💋

Listen

Kierkegaard is a total genius and Nietzsche is an arrogant twat. Noone will convince me otherwise.

TIL

Eggs explode if you put them for boiling and forget about it. Fml

Tattoos

Been so many years since I got mine. The ink is bleeding and it has some weird smudgy stuff going on. The crown looks like an M until you look closely. Of all my impulsive decisions, this one has had me the most conflicted.

Dandelions

Everytime Canon in D comes on, I picture the dandelion. I forget when I blogged about it, maybe it was 2016. My one experience with shrooms. Still feel the same way about them.

Symmetry, Complexity, Stillness, Observation, Light.

Planks

Held my longest one yet and also discovered something while I was at it. 

Shouldn't do one without a bra cuz it feels so  weird and like the centre of gravity slightly shifts.

Stupid boobs. Okay not stupid, I like them lots but wtf is thaaaat?! 🙎‍♀️