Glimpsed at a stream and some dude was linking a game he won against this guy as an 1800. And talking about how he learnt KG theory after and smoked him but he was glad to have got that win. I just... It's sometimes just so disrespectful, the way people talk. Atleast comes across like that. He would hate it if he knew I'm sure. Damn. I was almost about to share it but refrained. Hmmm. Guess I felt bad seeing that, and that other thing. It is silly I suppose, on my part to feel bad etc. But idk, I kinda did. Esp for that other thing. I hope it's nothing serious tbh. 

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Hmmm. It is silly of me to give a shit, I should put this out of my mind. I made a decision to hold out for honest effort. That should have always been what I held out for tbh. Hehe... I guess that bit was silly of me. To have stuck around in the absence of it. Anyway it's ok. Things should be easy and free on both sides otherwise no point. 

I suppose I want stuff to be good in my life. Guess this filter now simply exists thanks to him haha. His presence made me realise the stuff I value, so in a way all that meanness did lead to something good in the end. And I am clear I just don't want that bad, uncaring behaviour again. Simping over some woman and bragging about talking to her so people think you are cool, while treating me horribly and then prying into my life behind my back. Yeah, that's just terrible behaviour. I can't believe I ever cared about someone who can sink so low. And all I'd asked for was can I wish etc and that spawned such meanness. Twice in two years. Wow, I can't believe I actually stuck around someone who treated me so badly. Damn man. What was I thinking? Sheesh. Still, from my part I do hope he is ok health-wise I guess. Seeing his face the other day made me do a double take, I hope nothing serious going on. People should be healthy so we can bicker with ease haha. Touche. Irritating as he is, I do care about all the genuine stuff. Hmmm. Maybe I should not though, it's not like he once did the same for me. And that's one secret I'll never tell. Xoxo. Hehe.

~>

Oh boy.

Read that nightmare post again. Fuck. That sudden dream just ended up giving me so much clarity. Hmmmm. It is what it is. Stuff happens, it's life. Gotta accept it. 

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SUNSHINE... WHERE ART THOU?